Start a New List

I love the end of the year. I’m a goal setter. I make lists and set new goals at least two or three times a year. But at the end of each year I have a lot of company in my craziness. The rush to loose weight, get organized and/or spend more time with family is strong as we approach a new year.

Embrace this time of year by making your own list. You don’t have to make a negative list of all the things you want to change about yourself. Instead you might consider making a positive list such as one of the following:

Things to be grateful for in 2010
Daring trips I want to take
Friends to catch up with this year
Accept a dare (or few) for my 30s
What I love about my look

Spend a few minutes to think about a fun, new list you can use to begin the New Year!

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 2)

What are your goals for the future?

Thirty is the “beginning of a cool time in [my] kids life…an
interesting decade for development in my career and for development
in our marriage.” I plan to, “find my path and have a better chance
to go out and connect with my husband as a couple.” Jennifer

“I want to get my schedule under control so I can make more money
doing what I’m doing, spend more time towards my work and still be
able to stay home. I would like to have a savings account, something
to fall back on.” Jessica M.

“To build a six-figure residual income on ten-fifteen hours of effort
per week, have children before I am forty, and a home to stay and
play with them in.” Keri

Make today the first day of the new you

The day after Christmas is often a shopping day or a crash day. Personally, I’m not willing to brave the chaos of after holiday shopping just for a sale. This is especially true when it comes to buying stuff I’ll have to store for months. I just don’t have the room.

One thing I’ve always loved to do after the holiday is have myself a little fashion show. I usually clean out my closet in order to make room for new clothes I received as gifts. While doing this I try on what I have, sometimes seeing items I’ve forgotten I ever had. I try on the old and the new clothes. Then I give a little twirl and decide what to keep.

Occasionally I find that at some earlier time I purchased clothes I thought I wanted but then realized they don’t suit my personal style. This year, instead of tossing out those items without every wearing them, I’m going to take a try at a new me.

I’ve pulled out 3 outfits from my closet that I thought I would wear, much classier, and a little more color than I usually wear. My challenge is to wear each of these outfits next week. Well, truthfully, I will wear two of them. It’s a little too cold for the third (capri pants) so that outfit will wait for spring.

I’ve decided to make today the first day of a new me, a more daring me (at least when it comes to wardrobe). What will you do to make today the first day of something new?

Get off the guilt train

Family guilt is one of my least favorite aspects of life. Personally, I hate the winter holidays for this reason. Since I was ten years old I have had to deal with the stress of split holidays with divorced parents. While I was lucky enough to grow up in close proximity to all of my grandparents, this actually added to stress around holiday time.

A lot of kids drool at the thought of celebrating Christmas three or four times each year. That is, until it happens to them. Splitting time, soothing hurt feelings and dealing with the competition and one-upmanship of family all trying to get the best gift, does not make for a relaxing or enjoyable time.

Once I reached adulthood I began to find ways to avoid going home fort he holidays. Now that I live 1200 miles from home, it’s a little easier. You see my family would never head my direction for the holiday. I don’t really have the space and I live where it’s cold (they live in Florida). Plus being in my 30s, I have a job that doesn’t always make it easy to travel during the holidays. Almost everyone wants that time of year off for vacation. I usually don’t mind being the one to stay behind in the office. In fact I often get tons done while everything is quiet.

The only difficulty I have not going home for the holidays is the guilt. I don’t really feel the guilt on my own. It tends to be pushed on me from outside – siblings, parents, grandparents, etc.
This year I am staying home in my apartment with a stack of books and a frozen pizza. I’ve decided to make all the phone calls on Christmas Eve then put the phone away for the holiday. My goal is to enjoy the day guilt-free.

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 1)

What are your goals for the future?

“Teach or start an environmental initiative on self sustained energy
for towns.” Nikki

“Long healthy marriage and a strong family (with lots of family
gatherings and grandkids).” Jocelyn

“I want to get married and have kids and travel. I want to start
traveling this summer…I want to go everywhere.” Robin

“I want to continue to touch readers. I think that’s really one of the
most powerful things to get email from readers in various countries
that read your stories online…and to connect with people that
I otherwise wouldn’t connect with. Maybe to write for a bigger
newspaper or magazine someday. Certainly to travel; I’ve always
wanted to go back to my parents’ native country which is Iran. To fall
in love with my best friend and to have a couple of kids.” Jessica Y.

“To be able to have money in retirement, money in savings, have
spending money to be able to travel and relax and not have to work
so hard.” Rachel

Being “able to be around people I love to be around, doing
something purposeful in life, setting my own schedule…help people
and be comfortable financially.” Lorelie

Excerpt: Chapter 3: Redefining Success

Redefining Success

One of the central aims of this project was to define what it means
to be a successful woman turning thirty in the United States. I was
lucky that in the year I spent working on this project I met exceptional
women who defined success on their own terms and for their own
lives. I believe that success is not about money or prestige; it is not
about a person’s status in life.

Instead success is an internal experience. Success at thirty for me
means being comfortable with myself and the choices I have made.
Each woman has her own definition of success. The women featured
in these pages define their own success instead of worrying about conforming
to society’s, their mothers’, or even their best friends’ ideas of
success. Being successful when turning thirty is not about reaching an
end and having fulfilled all your goals; there is more life yet to be lived.
Instead, being successful at thirty is about life in progress and working
toward that “favorable outcome.” The women in this book - real,
average women, not superstars, show that success is what you make
of your own life, not what anyone else or society at large thinks you
should be. Generally happiness and security were the central themes
in the definitions provided by the project participants. Perhaps Symphony
said it best when she said she is a success “because I have found
a happy place to live and happy way to live and have overcome many
obstacles.” The traditionalists agree that they are successful because
they are happy with traditional roles. Chelsea said, “I have married a
good man and I have great kids that are the center of my world. We
have a safe place to live and don’t want for much.” Amanda echoed
the sentiment when she said, “I feel I am [successful] because I have
a great family, a great husband, a wonderful daughter. We both have
good jobs, we’re comfortable.” After reading Levinson I was pleased
to meet women who loved their traditional lifestyle and made their
lives successful.

Excerpt: Chapter 9

What Makes a Milestone

A milestone can be defined as a significant point in development.
That’s it, just a significant moment. It doesn’t have to be a decade
birthday or a life changing event, just a significant one. For many of
the participants there was nothing significant about turning thirty. It
was just another birthday whether they looked forward to it or not.
Instead of seeing thirty as a milestone I asked the participants to create
their own definition of what makes a milestone in a woman’s life. I
enjoyed their responses.

Some of our most significant moments include our relationships
with men. Those relationships impacted the responses provided by
some participants. Lori considered independence to be a milestone.
She said, “Figuring out your life without a man. It’s ok, really. Your
arms and legs don’t fall off,” was significant for her life. Realizing
she could be on her own and happy is a struggle for many women, yet
it’s a relief once they get there and decide not to obsess about finding
the perfect partner. Plenty of us realized by thirty that perfect cannot
be found by looking. Another significant moment involves having
children. Lynn explained, “If I could decide what makes a milestone
for a woman’s life it would be becoming a mommy…biological
or adopted.” The responsibility and joy of motherhood change all
aspects of a woman’s life. It is impossible to become a mom without
changing because the new person in your life supersedes your previous
priorities.

Excerpt: Chapter 9: Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance

By far the most common milestone discussed by the participants
was self acceptance. Lorelie credited accepting and letting go of
her past as central to moving forward to her future. No matter what
expression was used (being comfortable in your own skin, at peace
with your life choices, happy with who you see in the mirror and many
others) the goal is the same. Being who you are and feeling happy
with that person is a milestone women across the country strive for.
Jennifer said that her milestones are all wrapped up together and each
was necessary for the whole of who she is.

Self acceptance may be reached at any time along the lifespan.
There are some self-possessed people who come out of the womb
knowing who they are and where they’re going. They are the women
who make the rest of us feel inadequate without doing anything at all
and don’t know why others feel inferior. For the rest of us self acceptance
is a process. We go through periods such as childhood and our
early twenties just living with little thought to the future or the big
picture. There are carefree times when we are too busy doing to obsess
about our lives.

There are however, times when self absorption is necessary.

Now might be that time.

Friends know you best

I once had a friend who I could call after six months of not talking and pick up like we had spoken just yesterday. People were often surprised that we could live across the country from each other and not talk but still be thick as thieves the minute the phone rang. This friendship lasted for 10 years. During that time, we only lived in the same state for the first six months or so. We lived about an hour way for the last six months as well.

In fact, being close and talking all the time contributed to the destruction of that particular friendship.

In most cases friends are the people who know us best, especially as we get older. Many of us become distant with our families as we move away from home. Others get caught up in starting new families which can create barriers to making new friends and letting people into our lives.

But it is the old friends, the ones who’ve been with us through thick, thin and everything in between who become our touchstones in life. Friends are those who’ve kept up with the changes in our lives and they know the people we’ve become. Often they experienced the growing pains right along with us.

I’m visiting friends this week, spending the holidays with them instead of my family this year. My family is a little scattered so I’ve been given the chance to do something different this year. The beauty of hanging out with friends during a holiday is that I don’t have to make excuses if I want to go home or be alone at some point. My friends know me well enough to understand my moods and my tendency to spend time on my own. They also don’t have the urge to guilt trip me.

Excerpt: Chapter 10

What's Next

By turning thirty many of us realized that the twenties were all
about learning and making mistakes but our thirties will be about living
life on our own terms. Finding and living by our own rules were
frequent suggestions provided by the participants. Heather advised,
“Search within yourself to find out what’s important to you, what
you value the most and then spend your time and energy on that and
really…make time.” Jessica Y. agreed women should “stop living for
other people, make sure you’re living for your self…Give thanks for
what you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.” Our
thirties will be the time to continue to discover who we are and how to
make our dreams come true.

The key for anyone feeling restless or unfulfilled at thirty is be
honest with yourself to determine what it is you want then make the
changes. Nancy suggested, “If [you] have something that they’ve
always wanted to do try to get it done so that way you feel a little
bit more accomplished when you turn thirty.” In order to avoid
being stagnant we must be willing to change. Don’t be afraid of
the unknown. The only way to improve is to change. Bonnie Fuller
argued, “If you’re only thirty, for instance, and feel you’re never
going to change your hairstyle or your lipstick color or your ideas,
you’re not going to look like Christie Brinkley does at fifty. You’ll
look like Christie Brinkley’s mother. You have to have the courage
to change and evolve, no matter what your age.” She spent her career
taking chances and helping magazine change with their audience and
the culture as a whole. What Bonnie Fuller did for YM and Star magazines
– making them stand out as quick successes – you can do for
your own life if only you are willing to embrace change and go after
what you want. Jennifer explained that you have to listen to your
inner voice because it will point you to the correct path. She said, “It
was only when I started tuning in to that inner voice that I became
very happy and content with my life.”

Pointy hats and balloons

Do you remember your childhood birthday parties? I’m assuming (and hoping) that you had them. I realize not everyone has good memories of childhood birthdays. So this part suggestion is for those who did.

Go classic for your 30th celebration with the pointy hats, Mylar balloons (complete with helium tank) and noise makers. Get into the celebration hanging streamers and purchasing matching plates, cups and napkins. Heck, go for the party favors too. Feel free to choose adult favors if you prefer. A can of red bull, mini vodka bottle and some fancy chocolate are sure to make your party guests feel special. Or at least too inebriated to care.

I love the goofy and ridiculous which is why this idea appeals to me. Plus, as an old favorite style for birthday parties, you can get the supplies in a flash (I said flash, not flask). Select a theme from princess to over the hill, there are more options than you can shake a stick at if you visit your local party store.

With two quick trips – to the grocery store and the liquor store – you’ll be all set. You can get the cake, food, sugar and any dietary indulgence at the grocery store. Then stop at the liquor store to load up on a select drink for the day – pink champagne for the princess, your signature martini or some other fruity concoction.

What’s better than combining the fun of a kids noisy party with the noise of drunken adults? Have fun and remember, those pointy had might poke an eye out if you aren’t careful.

Find the you, you used to know

When life gets busy like it has this month, I often look up and realize that life is passing me by. I think I missed October completely and found myself smack dab in the middle of November before I even realized it. The first few weeks of November have been especially busy since I’m working on writing a novel for National Novel Writing Month, planning a trip to Atlanta for some quality friend time and at the same time, preparing for a work related exam on December 1st.

This evening, when I realized I am tired and frazzled, I decided to take a break and get my head back on straight. I gave myself a half hour for this so I was a little rushed but still I feel great now that I’m done.

What could I accomplish in a half hour, you might ask. I found the me I used to be. I pulled out a box of old photos and sifted through them. There I discovered reminders of many of my favorite things in old photos including:

Cocoa Beach with a thunderstorm headed in from the Atlantic
Four friends laughing in front of a pub
Horseback riding when I was about 5
High school – lots of photos from my newspaper days, a smooch with a cute boy (whose name I can’t recall) and laughing with friends

It only took about five minutes of flipping through these photos to relax my shoulders, create a smile and get me ready to get back to work. I’m fairly self-aware so it doesn’t take long to get my head where it needs to be.

When you’re frazzled, a simple reminder of your own past self may be all you need to shift your perspective back in line. Sometimes just getting in touch with the person you are is all you need to get moving and motivated again.

Excerpt: Chapter 5: The Mommy Track

For the right woman, the woman who desires and chooses to be
a mother, motherhood can be an amazing experience. It also can be
exhausting and trying. Being a mom is difficult; it is hard work to
make all the decisions needed to raise a child and it seems to be getting
harder. Douglas and Michaels explained that in a recent poll eightyone
percent of women said it was harder to be a mom now than twenty
years ago. One reason the authors of The Mommy Myth give for this
increased difficulty was that “mothers needed to be the equivalent of
physicians’ assistants, pharmacists, child product safety testers, nutritionists,
crafts people, and district attorneys” because they are now
immersed in “the new risk-saturated world of motherhood…in which
childhood danger became a national fixation.” Mothers are expected
to protect their children from everything from choking to child molesters
all while feeding them organic, home-prepared meals and providing
constantly changing age appropriate toys and games. The pressure
to be a mom comes early in a young woman’s life and she continues
to be inundated throughout her lifetime whether she decides to be a
mom or not.

Nothing in life is perfect including motherhood but I believe
women who make that choice freely are happy with their decision.
They have opened themselves up to new joys and experiences that
cannot be experienced by anyone other than a mother. However,
they trade that joy for the responsibilities and pressures to be perfect.
Women fight the pressure to be perfect on a daily basis and if they
listen to the media they will never succeed. The good news is that the
mothers I met were self-aware enough to avoid the pitfalls of obsession
with media and magazines. They decided instead to be the best
parents they could regardless of what outside sources demand.

Celebrate with family

I often write from the single perspective since that’s the only one I have. On occasion I need to be reminded to think about the couples and mommies out there. So for today’s celebration idea, I’ve decided to focus on a family flair. Typically my favorite family gathering is the backyard barbecue. Warm weather, burgers and kids running around outside relaxes me. However, I realize it’s November and most of us live in colder climates and it’s a little too chilly for a barbecue this weekend.
Still, the month of November tends to be a family focused month for me, something about pie and Thanksgiving. Consider one of the following ideas to have a family celebration for turning 30.

Let’s the kids decide. Kids love to get involved. If yours are old enough to do a little planning, consider letting them make the plans. Maybe daddy can help them make pancakes for a breakfast in bed. Or mini-golf might be your kids’ idea of fun with mom and dad.

Stay in and get cozy. When life get’s hectic a night at home in front of the television might be just what the doctor ordered for your birthday celebration. Grab a family friendly movie, butter up some popcorn and sprawl out with your loved ones for a cozy celebration.

Candlelit dinner for two. If your family is made of two, consider a romantic birthday party. Order take out from your favorite restaurant, combine that with a bottle of champagne, a sexy husband and you’ll have a recipe for appreciation and joy. Having your love’s full attention for a night of romance eases any aches turning 30 might cause.

The keys to a family celebration are fairly simple, strive for relaxed, casual, fun and simple. Get everyone involved so they can do the heavy lifting, then settle in and enjoy the celebration of you, the birthday girl.

Just a few questions

I was rereading a book I mentioned a long time ago, Book of Ages: 30, and I started thinking – it might be time to ask a few questions. The book states some averages that give you an idea of where you are in comparison with the rest of the universe turning 30.

For example,
“4,211,541 Americans will turn 30 this year
83% carry debt - median balance $26,500
50% have a credit card balance - median bal $2,100
1 in 33 – 30-year-old men is a virgin
1 in 25 – 30-year-old women is a virgin”

For more information, check out the book or the web site at http://www.bookofages.com

Back to my questions:
So how is your sex life?
Are you more active than others, or less?
How about your money?
With the recent recession, are you drowning, surviving or thriving?

I’m in the mood to get some perspective in my life, so I started asking these questions. Then I looked in the book to see where I stand. Let’s just say there’s good news and bad news and now I’ve got to make a few changes on the bad news.

Where do you stand?

Excerpt: Meet Nikki

Nikki is a bright woman who has learned a great deal about
herself in the past few years. Born in Knoxville, Tennessee,
she now lives with her husband in Sterling, Virginia. The couple
has been married less than one year and she said her marriage was
her most important milestone to date. Nikki explained that she feels
she is on her way to being successful. She defined success as “happiness
and peace with ones accomplishments.” She stated she does
not feel totally there because she is “working in a soulless job.” She
works as an environmental consultant for various government agencies
and consults about environmental toxicology. For now her job
“means nothing but a paycheck” to her because she reviews and evaluates
data to create risk assessments for environmental organizations
instead of helping others or working on an environmental initiative.

She tutors biology in her free time. She has found tutoring to be
more fulfilling than her day job and wants one day to focus on teaching
full time. She has not decided if she will go back to college to
obtain her Doctorate to be able to teach college students or if she
will pursue her teaching certificate to teach secondary biology. Being
a “nerdy scientist [who] liked to explore things” during her childhood
is something she said she wants to share with a new generation.
She explained that education “is crucial to existence, everyone should
have access and everyone should get the same opportunities.”

Take an adventure

Some people just don’t like to celebrate birthdays. I understand that bad memories, apathy and even busy lives can often keep you from celebrating. If a celebration isn’t you style, you might consider taking an adventure instead. Every life benefits from an adventure now and again.

Your idea of adventure might be wanted the rain forests of Brazil, playing craps in Las Vegas or just wearing a mini skirt to church on Sunday. Take a minute to consider what would make you feel daring. If your best friend were to dare you to do something, what would that thing be?

My best friend has dared me to anything from flash truck drivers and kiss random firemen at a parade to talking to strangers on the bus. It’s possible that my daring isn’t as daring as yours. That’s okay.

For you, daring might be asking your boss for a raise or asking the cute coffee guy for an extra sprinkle. Whatever you’re limits are, consider for one day, stretching and surpassing them. Our 30s will be full of adventure so we might as well get off to a great start.

Make a list of 5 things you would consider an adventure. If you can’t think of anything, ask your best friend to think of 5 dares. Write them down, then for your birthday, go out and do them.

If you can’t take a travel adventure – because really, a weekend in Paris sounds like an adventure to me – then choose an adventure closer to home. Whatever you do, just do something daring.

Your heart will pound, your blood will move and in the end, you’ll laugh your ass off!

Excerpt: What Does it mean to have it all?

“For me it’s being well rounded, that you have enough.” Heather


“To be able to look at your life and realize you are blessed and you
are happy.” Lori


Having it all means that “all the key parts need to be there and be
balanced in order for me to be happy.” Jennifer


“To have happiness and to have everything that I need, a loving,
caring dedicated husband, a supportive family and not to have any
worries.” Bobi


“Strong family life and being comfortable with who you are as a
person. You need to prioritize. To me family is the most important
thing. When I start having children, my main priority will be to focus
on them first (career second). It is important to realize that material
things are not the most important thing.” Jocelyn


“Having it all means there is no one controlling your time or your
money. When your time belongs to you and you only answer to
yourself, and you have enough money to make use of your time, then
your cup should runneth over.” Keri

National Novel Writing Month begins

Excerpt from Chapter 2: Facing Fear

Body Issues

Earlier I shared that twenty-one percent of the participants
expressed fears about physical deterioration that comes with age. I
also asked them if they had concerns about their bodies other than
aging. Sixty-eight percent of the participants said they did have issues
with their bodies. We live in a weight obsessed culture. You can’t
turn on the news without some story about obesity in adults or children.
Additionally there have been a recent rash of reality show about
how parents are making their kids fat or people are competing to lose
weight. How is anyone supposed to feel comfortable in their own skin
with all this negative imagery?

Tara explained, “Of course I have issues with my weight, with
current society and anorexic supermodels, self assurance about weight
is down. But I’ve decided I’m not gonna make myself miserable to
be a size ten or whatever, I’d rather be fat and happy. Notice how all
those sayings are fat and sassy not thin and sassy?”17 While I love her
attitude and can agree most of the time, body confidence is still a problem
I struggle with. There was a time when I was one of the skinniest
kids in school. I was also one of the smallest at 5’2”. I never thought
about weight until I was about twenty-five when my body morphed
into something I didn’t recognize.

Women’s bodies curve; there is no way to avoid it. It happens at
different ages for each woman. For some pregnancy brings on voluptuousness,
for others time is the culprit.

Is TV getting you down?

One thing that motivated me to write about turning 30 was the observation that the media and pop culture drive a lot of negative feelings in our lives. For most women, the constant comparisons to ads, magazines and celebrities where the average woman comes out as less than, tends to encourage us to feel insecure about our bodies and our age.

Few women will look like supermodels or celebs at 30 so why would anyone use this standard of beauty? When I first started thinking about the project I came across a few other books about turning 30 and all of them included stories from women who were celebrities or otherwise extraordinary in their fields (such as Olympic athletes, prima ballerinas, etc.). When I started writing I wanted another approach, one based in the real life where I live, not fantasy land.

Recently I began reading an ebook, The Vice-Busting Diet Book by Julia Griggs Havey. In this book, Ms. Havey considers television watching to be one of the most significant diet vices of the modern age. After reading, I decided that television isn't just impacting our waistlines; it's corroding our sense of self and self esteem.

"Television takes away our ability to effectively communicate with our spouse, our children, our family, and friends—all in the name of entertainment." (Julia Griggs Havey, p. 19 in the ebook version)

This entertainment she talks about is really eating away at who we are. Our strength as individuals might be eroded by the constant images of beautiful people in overly dramatized lives. TV is all about visual representation and the constant reinforcement might just be influencing any tension you feel about getting older.

Excerpt: Popular media and our 30s

Please enjoy this excerpt from the Introduction to 30 Isn’t Old.

Popular media and a celebrity obsessed culture imply that movie
star standards apply to the rest of the nation. Since celebrity culture can
be in our homes every day through television, computers and even our
phones, there is an assumption that they represent the norm. Waiting in
line to check out at the supermarket there are racks of magazines that
tell who is doing what with whom and what they were wearing when
they did it. These magazines are not full of educational or entertaining
articles. Instead they are full of pictures, images to show us celebrities
from multiple angles, in various wardrobe and states of embrace.
Celebrities influence women’s hairstyles, clothing and our notions of
beauty.

Hollywood is a place of youth. There the most cutting edge treatments
are available to protect youth – from personal training and crazy
cabbage diets to toxic injections and face lifts. There is little about the
human body that cannot be changed by a skilled plastic surgeon. With
the plastic bodies and beauty obsession Hollywood is the only place in
this country where thirty is considered old.

For the rest of the nation, this concept is ludicrous. Sometimes it
can be easy to get coerced into feeling lacking when bombarded by
celebrity images and concepts of beauty. Stick thin, big breasted and
perfectly symmetrical faces are hard to come by outside of celebrity
magazines and plastic surgeon waiting rooms. Once you step away
from the television and put down the magazines to look at the women
living in reality, the view changes. Real women in Atlanta and Minneapolis
are not all size zero or perpetually twenty-five.

So I’m suggesting we toss out media and celebrity views of thirty.
As women we have an expected lifespan of eighty plus years and
plenty are left after thirty. We can continue to have children for about
a decade, depending on health and medical circumstances. For working
women there are at least thirty-five more years of expected work
before retirement. If you choose you can be as active at thirty as you
were at twenty, possibly even more so.

There is nothing about thirty that makes a woman old or used
up. Such a notion was only valid in past centuries when the average
lifespan was less than forty years and by the age of thirty women
had given birth multiple times. Then, childbearing was an exhaustive
and wearing activity that aged women quickly. Medical science
and modern convenience have slowed our aging process so the antiquated
notions are irrelevant. For the average American woman,
thirty is far from old.

How to Celebrate: Return to childhood

If you're thinking about how to celebrate 30 and have hit a road block, consider taking a page from parties of your past.

Consider a Theme Party from your favorite TV show, cartoon or hobby. Have you ever shopped the party store with a child under the age of 10? If so, you'll recall the variety of choices from Transformers and Sponge Bob to Princess, Rock Star, Cowboy, Racing and Barbie style decorations and themes.

Make your party a retro celebration of your earliest years. Remember the ages when you looked forward to every birthday? You probably even counted your age by 1/2 or 1/4 years just to take advantage of growing up. Embrace those same emotions with a party reminiscent of those fun filled days.

Head to the party store and choose your favorite childhood theme. Pack candy bags for your friends. Paper cups can be used for adult beverages in the form of sugary punch or spiked lemonade.

For those living in warm climates, consider a pool or yard party complete with pool games, a slip n' slide or running through sprinklers.

Remember: the goal is to capture the joy of those younger birthday celebrations.

Where the time GOES

This morning over my coffee and croissant I read an article in Redbook magazine called "A to-do list do-over." This is one of those articles where a busy and disorganized mom gets help from an organizational expert in order to streamline her schedule to get things done. In the case of this article, the organization expert was Julie Morgenstern, one of the most known professional organizers around. The desperate woman was a teacher with three kids, one husband and parents who live in the area.

Whenever I read this type of article, I feel a little guilty. If these women with their many and varied priorities can manage to get things done plus have time to exercise and take care of themselves, then I really have no excuse for not getting things done. I'm a single gal with a time consuming job and high maintenance family but since that family lives 1200 miles away and the job is fun, there really shouldn't be problems with getting it all done.

And yet, there are.

I spend many nights sitting in hotel rooms exhausted and curled up in front of the TV with room service. I know this sounds like the life, free and easy, and most of the time it suits me just fine.

But there are times when I just can't get done all the things I want to. Maybe I'm too ambitious – I want to exercise, eat healthy, learn to run a marathon (I run zero steps at the moment), write a novel, revise my website, keep in touch with friends – and many other things. Work tends to be all that gets done. Enough so that my manager recently asked me if I know how to have a life.

I am quite certain that I know how to be lazy and waste time with the best of them. I've been inspired by the article and decided to do my own personal time study. I've participated in a few of these at work where I documented every step and action I take through the day. The purpose of such studies is normally to determine where there is waste and redundancy. A personal time study might have similar results. For a change, I've decided to diagnose the cause of my problem before I try to motivate or plan to fix it.

I'm taking the logical route this time, wish me luck.

Excerpt: What do your children mean to you?

At the end of each chapter of the book I included quotes from the participants. These were the participants' responses during the interview to some of the questions. I'm sharing the excerpt from Chapter 5 and some answers to the question, "What do your children mean to you?"

“I wish I could bottle up the feeling I feel whenever I hear mom. I
always knew I wanted to have children. I’ve always loved being with
children; I love working with children.” Heather

“Everything. They bring every emotion under the sun, anger and
happiness and bring out the little kid in me all over again. My life
right now is taking care of them.” Jessica M.

“It means a lot of responsibility. It is the most fantastic thing I have
ever experienced in my life but it is the scariest thing that I have
ever experienced in my life because I think that I am responsible for
another human being and what they learn and how they act and what
they believe.” Amanda

These 3 moms were willing to talk about the joy and awe of motherhood. But they also shared some of the stress, worry and anxiety that comes with being a mom while trying to navigate our 30s. For more of their stories, please read 30 Isn't Old.

If you're a mom in your 30s, take 2 minutes today to think about what your children mean to you. You might just remember to take a break and have some fun with your bundles of joy.

Who's awake at 4 AM?

A couple hours ago I was riding through southern Mass and northern RI on my way to the airport in Providence. It was 415 in the morning and there were a surprising number of cars on the road. There was even a line at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru we passed.

I started thinking, who are these people and why are they up. Personally, I'm only up this early for extreme situations like hospital visits, late night romance and flights to the west coast. Today I'm traveling to Sacramento, hence the early am trip.

So who are the other early drivers?
Night shift workers (on lunch break)
Off shift workers headed home at the end of the work day
Early morning workers
Parents trying to get the baby to sleep
Paper delivery persons
Strippers/entertainers
Vampires
Nocturnal beekeepers
Teenagers
Cramming students
Procrastinators

I'm sure there are plenty of others to consider but it's still a little early for me.

After making my list I reminded myself to be grateful that I am not usually one of these 4 AM travelers. Since settling into my 30s there is one thing I can say for certain, I love my sleep and I'm unwilling to see 4 AM unless I have to. There was a time in my early 20s when 1-4 was my favorite time of the night but those days have passed.

While I normally maintain that turning 30 doesn't have to change your lifestyle (and I still make that argument) I am still glad that I've been able to choose sleep over mindless cramming, partying and puffy, red, sleep deprived eyes.

What have you willing given up (or changed) since celebrating 30?

Break the Same Old/Same Old Cycle

During lunch today I found myself involved in a conversation with coworkers that I’ve had before. We were discussing trends we’ve seen in productivity and employee turnover in different departments. What the conversation came down to was a minor rant about a corporate philosophy or approach which may be impacting an increase in turnover.

While this might not be an interesting conversation for most people, it is a common rant and gripe I hear in most offices I visit in my work. The urge to kick myself for getting stuck in the conversation was strong. I get involved and irritated when I have this conversation, no matter how many times I have it or how little impact I have to enact change in the philosophy.

I want to kick myself for getting involved and getting trapped. There is no more wasted time than that spent worrying about things you cannot change. Sometimes the same old conversation harms more than it helps. It isn’t just the time the conversation takes, but the stress on mind and body, negative feelings caused by feeling unable to make change, the frustration and the time spent dwelling on the issues after the conversation is over.

So here I am back again trying to break my own bad habits. This same exercise took place several times the year before I turned 30. You see, I knew that the pressure I was getting from friends and family about why I wasn’t married or settling down was just cultural crap that had nothing to do with me personally. Still, even while I was writing the book, I would occasionally be struck by the urge to change my life to fit the norm. Thankfully, that urge passed and I got my head on straight again.

So as you approach turning 30, even if you have a positive outlook, there might be times when the pressure gets you down. Just remember that you can always change your outlook, step off the merry-go-round and go a new way. All it takes is a single step away from the same old/same old conversation.

Excerpt: Choices, from Chapter 1

Another short excerpt of 30 Isn't Old, is found below. Please enjoy "Choices", from Chapter 1

Our mothers and grandmothers fought to give us options, to give
us choices. We have the option to get married or not, to have children
or not, to work in any field we want from acting to zoology as long
as we are willing to work for what we want. With such freedom and
opportunity before us, it is possible for anyone to be anxious. With
endless options it can be difficult to narrow them down and there is
no one else to blame if we make the wrong choice. Few before our
generation had so much choices in determining their own path and
success in this life. Now we have enough choice to be overwhelmed
by them all.

By the time a woman reaches age thirty she has made millions
of decisions. From the smallest decisions of how long to stay in the
shower in the morning and should she wear nail polish today to the
large decisions of should she go to college or get married and have
children. Each of these decisions large and small has potential consequences
and sacrifices. For instance, the woman who decides to take
an extra fifteen minutes in the shower in the morning has to either
wake up fifteen minutes early which means sacrificing fifteen minutes
of sleep or she may have to skip breakfast or be late to work due to the
extra fifteen minutes shower time. Alternately, the woman who does
not choose to take the extra fifteen minutes in the shower may decide
to spend those minutes in bed, eating a bagel, taking extra care with
her makeup or conversing with her child over breakfast instead of hustling
them both out the door to start the day. Each small decision has
consequences negative and positive. The same is true for all decisions
we make each day.

When the rewards and consequences of each decision we make
is multiplied by the number of decisions we make each day it is
easy to be overwhelmed every day. Barry Schwartz, author of The
Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, used the analogy of buying
jeans to represent the overabundance of choice in our lives. Before
we were born the most important decision to be made about buying
jeans was color – dark or light. Size was predetermined by the
wearer’s body. In the 1970’s designer labels bombarded consumers
so that status became another concern when buying jeans. A
woman in Jordache or Calvins was presented in popular culture as
more sophisticated than the women whose jeans sported no label
or that of a department store brand.

In thirty years buying jeans has become exponentially more
complicated. Oprah once had a special episode on her show to
teach women how to buy the right fit for their bodies. She wasn’t
talking about size or leg length; she was talking about the thousands
of variations from leg cut (wide, boot, tapered), rise (classic,
at the waist, low, ultra low), washes (dark, light, worn in certain
areas and every shade in between) and cut (boy, straight, curvy,
relaxed). These variations are available at hundreds of stores
across the country. The choices for men are fewer (they aren’t
likely to be concerned with ultra low rise or avoiding mom-cut
jeans) but as Mr. Schwartz pointed out in his book, the process of
finding the right pair is arduous for men and women. He said “as
the number of choices keeps growing, negative aspects of having
a multitude of options begin to appear. As the number of choices
grows further, the negatives escalate until we become overloaded.

At this point, choice no longer liberates, but debilitates.” With all
the options in denim a woman could spend weeks trying on jeans
at stores across town before she found the best fit and then there’s
no guarantee they won’t shrink in the wash. There’s also no guarantee
that she won’t become exhausted before she finds what she’s
looking for.

I own at least ten pair of jeans, in four different sizes depending
on my weight fluctuation. Each purchase required at least three
stores and more than an armful of options at each store to try on
before I was satisfied. Some sit in the back of my closet because
after wearing them a few times they just weren’t quite right anymore.
On average, at any given time or weight, I wear two pair
and alternate them with the rest of my wardrobe. The rest stay in
the back of the closet or in a box under the bed where clothes that
don’t fit now but may one day reside. I shudder to think how much
time, money and energy I’ve wasted over the years buying jeans I
don’t wear.

In the grand scheme of our lives buying jeans cannot be considered
a major decision. The anxiety created by such a small
choice magnifies for major choices.

Chapter 1 Excerpt - Amanda

Since I'm having a cranky Monday, I've decided to use an excerpt from my book, 30 Isn't Old, for today's blog entry. I'd like to introduce you to Amanda, one of the participants who volunteered for the book. A more detailed introduction can be found in Chapter 1 "Who We Are".

Amanda exudes contentment with her life. She bubbles with
enthusiasm for celebrating her birthday and her life. She
has the traditional marriage and family along with a career and
spiritual commitment. She believes that she has all she does “by
the grace of God.” A Mississippi native and Alabama resident,
her soft southern drawl is complemented by her spunky upbeat personality.

Amanda defines success as “being happy with your life and where
you are.” It’s not about how much money you make or what kind of
job you have, it’s “about your overall joy,” she says. She feels successful
because she has a “great family,” she and her husband both
have good jobs and they aren’t in debt. They have been married three
years and have a one-year-old daughter. Her dream for the future is
to have more children. She says “My dream would be for my children
to grow up and be good people, especially my daughter, [to be] a
good strong woman. I’m in that stage where it’s a little frightening
because I have to instill in her the values that I want to instill...My
dream is that I can do that and do that well. ”

She does not fear turning thirty; instead Amanda’s looking forward
to it. “I always thought it would be great to turn twenty because
I thought, I won’t be a teenager anymore so everybody will think I’m
an adult. Well, that is not true. Because when you’re in your twenties
everybody still thinks you’re a child,” she laughed. She explained
that when women are in their twenties everyone thinks they are still
immature but that perception changes at thirty. She also doesn’t fear
turning thirty because she feels she has no missed opportunities
since she is happy with her decisions and “where they’ve brought
me” in life.

Plane Personality

If you’ve read much of this blog you’ve probably noticed I travel a lot lately for my job. Considering I hate flying and love sleeping in my own bed, it’s odd that I usually enjoy the travel.

Today en route from Orlando to Sacramento I had a thought while eavesdropping on other passengers – What does your travel personality say about you?

More specifically, does the way you plan your trips reflect your personality?

Before you start commenting on my insanity, give me a few more minutes to state my argument (then feel free to counter or disagree). When I plan travel I start with the end game – where I want to be and when I need to be there. So if I’m teaching a class or attending a meeting I use that as my starting time.

What this type of approach often does is have me up at 4am to catch early flights or landing at midnight. This wouldn’t be a problem if I was a morning person or needed little sleep but alas, I really like sleep. Consequently I’m often a very cranky and unproductive traveler.

The passenger a few rows in front of me uses a different approach, I believe. From his ultra efficient work ethic on the morning flight (and what I was able to overhear), his approach is more about travel time. You see, this type of traveler cares about spending as little time actually travelling as possible. These efficient travelers always find the nonstop flight to their destination, even if it means leaving a day early. They also tend to stay in hotels convenient to the airport instead of to their destination. I’ll call this the get in, get it done and have as little contact with the travelling masses as possible. You find frequent business travelers method.

The third group of travel planners is the comfortable and convenient type. These are the travelers who never fly before noon or on Mondays during high volume. They disregard price in deference to their own convenience. They probably don’t care about frequent flyer points or airline loyalty as longs as they find a schedule that works for their life. You can recognize them as the relaxed travelers calmly flipping the pages of a magazine and sipping water before boarding.

Personally I’d love to be in the third group. While I like to travel and see new places, I’m getting a little tired of being on the road at 4am. The worst part is it is totally my own fault. So I wonder am I just a glutton for punishment? Am I avoiding self-awareness? Can I change?

I don’t know the answers but I do know that I miss the days when travel agents handled this crap (I know, I used to be one) and now I have to deal with my own personality complicating my life.

Happy Tat

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was searching for a new tattoo. I decided to spend much of my Labor Day enjoying the fruits of someone else’s creative labors.

I made a visit to Sailor Bill’s Tattoo Time in FL. http://www.tattoo-time.com/ where Jared created something new that I am very pleased with. I can only show a partial picture because it circles my wrist and won’t show well in 2D. Let’s just say, I’m happy and it looks great.

After getting the tat I spoke with my friend Noelle who commented that she’s glad because “A new tattoo always makes you happy for a long while.” What a great observation from a friend who really knows me. She is totally correct.

A few hundred dollars, four hours and pretty new artwork set my world to rights again.

Of course I started thinking about the other simple things that tend to make me smile. Here they are, feel free to add your own simple pleasures.

Rainbows
The smell after a Florida thunderstorm
New flip flops
Hot water
Cheese puffs
The right song at the right moment
The light feeling after a haircut
Finding a great shirt that’s been hidden at the back of my closet
Texture of book pages
Ten dollar dangle earrings

With the strife, turmoil and frustration of life, isn’t it great that there are some things that can make you smile? What simple pleasures make you happy?

Singular Questions

Do you ever look around at the couples you know or people you meet and wonder how they are married when you are still single?

These tend to be the people we compare ourselves to. They may be people we grew up with, went to college with or even those we work with. Often they are close to us in age but because they are married and/or have kids, they seem to live on a distant planet.


This rarely happens to me personally because I'm aware of all 101 reasons why I'm single. Most days, I'm very glad about my single life. So much so that a friend suggested my next book should be title "Marriage, divorce and why I stay single." I'm contemplating the idea.

Recently though I've heard comments from friends, people I've met and even random women shopping in Target.

The comments I overhear are the most telling (even catty) and go something like this:

"How can she be married?"
"Who would marry him?"
"We dated in college and I knew he'd never settle down and now they've got a baby on the way."

What's barely visible underneath all this is the comment that should be heard.

"Why them and not me?"

I'm not suggesting we are a culture of selfish people but the closer we get to 30, the more often I hear these comments. 30 seems to be the age we start to wonder if we'll ever have the life we dreamed of when we were playing Barbies in elementary school.

If you've noticed your own comments edging toward catty lately it might be time to ask yourself a few simple questions.

Do you want to be married?
Don't go with your first instinct on this without true consideration. Many women find they expect to be married because it is culturally expected, not because it's really what they want.

What's stopping you from finding wedded bliss?
There are no good men out there is not a real answer here. Half the marriages I know were a matter of timing more than perfection or finding a soul mate.

Have you turned down a real opportunity?
This last question is often the most important. You might realize that YOU are what's keeping you from partnering up. You might have unrealistic requirements, unvoiced commitment fears or even just not be ready to tie the knot.

Spend a little time getting in touch with your answers and you might find there's no need for catty comments or comparisons.

Tattoo Ideas

Lately it seems that several people I know are in the market for a new tattoo. I've read several conversations with friends on Facebook and I've been reminded (again) of my own itch for some new body art.

I love my tattoos. At the moment I have 7 and have plans for a full back tattoo to tie several of my present tattoos into a single mosaic piece. I got my first ink when I was 19. In my 20s I added to the collection every few years when I had some free cash. The one thing my 20s tats all had in common is that they could be hidden.

Since 21 I've worked in a conservative industry and I've always played by the rules. This means no visible tattoos. My normal work clothes, khaki pants and short sleeve polo shirts could hide all of my art. Frequently when people find out about my tats they are very surprised. Apparently I'm not the type to have tats, even though they're popular these days.

The thing is, I've always been the type. I wanted one at 14 and by the time I got my first, I was desperate to be inked.

A couple years ago, soon after I turned 30, I got tattoo number seven. The first of my tats that is visible most of the time. It's a small tat that covers the top of my left wrist. Turned sideways the image of a couple intertwined is visible. But to most catching a quick glimpse, the tat resembles a flower or abstract design.

What makes this tat different is that once I hit 30 I stopped caring about covering or hiding my tattoos, even in the workplace. I stopped making my tattoo choices based upon what I could hide or keep from customers or even future employers.

Now I'm working on designing my next piece of artwork and my view is the same. I want art that looks pretty and represents who I am. I don't care whether it suits my work or not. I guess if I'm ordered to wear long sleeves and cover up, I will but until then, my 3os have freed me, given me the confidence to do my thing, my way.

Personal Anthem

I've been thinking about music today, don't ask me why. My iPod says my favorite song is Angel by Sinead O'Connor because it is by far (x10) my most played song. But I'm thinking If You're Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins is the real song of my life right now.

This got me thinking about how music is such a part of life. I identify many of the important events in my life just by the music I related to most at the time. Some examples might be cliched by here goes

I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor) - after many a break up
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor) - at the gym
Dancing Queen (ABBA) - pretty much every Wednesday night during college
It's My Life (Bon Jovi) - early career - when I needed a reason to stay motivated to succeed
Something More (Sugarland) - 2004 working Hail and Hurricanes
Should've Been a Cowboy (Toby Keith) - after a high school break up
Dog & Butterfly (Heart) - after a college break up

Then there are the songs that make me feel great no matter what
Switch (Will Smith)
Jack & Diane (John Cougar)
Keep on Loving You (The Donnas)
Love Bites (Def Leppard)
Brown Eyed Girl (Jimmy Buffett version)
I Want Love (Elton John) - Although I think I just love the video for this one

This is just a quick list I composed off the top of my head so I'm sure I've forgotten some powerful tunes. The point of the list is that all I needed to do was think of these songs and my mood became better.

I've found many options for personal anthems for my life. These are just a few, with Rodney Atkins taking first place at the moment. But just having a list like this helps motivate me through stress, crabby mornings or any other moody day.

What song motivates you?
Do you have a personal anthem?
Find your special song (or songs) and start moving with a smile on your face.

Are your Tired or Bored?

Lately the only thing I've wanted at the end of the day is to crawl into bed. By end of the day, I'm talking 5 or 6 in the evening, as soon as I get home from work. Weekends have been rotated between laundry, naps and reading books I've read before. I started to get a little concerned about my lazy cravings once they lasted longer than one week.

Then I began thinking. Maybe I'm tired because I've been sleeping in hotels too often (2 weeks a month). Or maybe I'm tired because I have a busy and somewhat stressful job.

Of course, the reality is a little closer to - Maybe I'm just BORED.

I've caught myself playing Spider Solitaire in front of the TV for hours at a time. I've stared into space wishing for something interesting to read. Nothing has seemed to interest me as I walked the rut of the last few months.

Having a busy life doesn't mean having an interesting one. As we stretch into our 30s with work, family and community commitments, we become constantly busy and always on the move. Yet at the same time restlessness and irritation also set in. If we waste much of our time with all the things we have to do (or feel obligated to do) then we have little time for the things that truly interest us. As I've strayed further from what I love, I feel more exhausted and bored.

What's the solution for our 30s?
Should we work less? Live more? Or give up sleep to find time for everything we must do and want to do?

I'm still trying to decide. I'll have more energy when I find a choice that works.

Try new things

We are never too old to try new things. I get this from my 70-something year old grandmother who is off to Australia and New Zealand in a few weeks. She's been there before but she found an interesting activity in the area she hasn't done before so she just has to go now.

I'm lucky in that I have a visible reminder of how young 30 really is. With grandparents in the 70s and 80s plus a great-grandmother in her 90s, I've gotten to see how long life really can be. Those family members who manage to keep a youthful appearance and personality are the ones who are always willing to try something new. So instead of dreading 30, I chose to look forward to it as just one more new experience in life.

Now that I'm comfortable as an over-30 woman (33 to be exact) I'm still looking for the next new things. This week my newest thing is a great sugar scrub from The Body Shop and a book to inspire laughs, "And Here's the Kicker" about comedy writers.

Last week the new thing I tried was driving the Nissan Cube – a horrid vehicle that I suggest no one attempt to try. I also made my first visit to my father's home town, Grand Rapids, Michigan. I was in the area for work but I did a little wandering to get an impression of where dad comes from. I found that the area looked much like the Tampa, Florida community where dad grew up after leaving Michigan at age 5. The odd similarity made me realize why my grandparents easily fit in when they moved south.

Trying new things doesn't have to be dramatic, just constant (or at least frequent). When was the last time you tried something new?

If you cannot recall, it's time to consider a change. Order a new cocktail at happy hour, try a new dinner recipe or switch your nail polish to a more vibrant shade. Just think small and get started trying new things. You might find these are the best times in life.

 

Back in the Swing

I've been out of touch for a while. Unfortunately, my craptastic day turned into a couple of very busy and very irritating weeks. I just wasn't up to being positive. You might have noticed that when possible, I try not to let this blog become my personal rant session. This past week or two, I chose to avoid writing instead of indulging in my inner cry baby.

Now, I'm hoping I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and back on schedule. I'm in Chicago for a few days this week. The flight here was uneventful, if you don't mind a few dozen little kids screaming about wanting to go back to Disney (instead of heading home). To avoid the screamers, I indulged in a few hours of iPod immersion.

Skipping through my over 3000 songs, I realized how much music is a part of the major events in our lives. You might remember the music playing the first time you kissed a boy, the first time you got drunk at a bar, or even the tune playing as you celebrated your last birthday.

Today I gravitated toward songs that make me want to move. A little Fergie, Abba and Christina Aguilera just to name a few. I recalled that for my 30th birthday I chose soothing tunes in line with the spa theme. But if I hadn't celebrated this way, I wonder what music would have permeated the night.

What about you? What music will you choose for your celebration??

One craptastic day

Have you ever had one of those days, you know, the kind when you wake up and it might take a tidal wave or a heavy crane to get your out of bed? I had one of those this morning. It took more than 30 minutes just to convince myself to get out of bed instead of calling in for a mental health day.

Once I was out of bed, things just seemed to get worse. My coffee ended up on my first outfit so I changed. The butter from my Eggos on my second outfit. I managed to make it to work in my third outfit. It's a good thing I did laundry over the weekend.

I maintained a grumpy and irritable attitude all day long. At lunch, I spilled my soda on a coworkers shoes (she was wearing sandals). Then I dropped bar-b-que chicken on my khaki pants. By that time I'm certain my wardrobe wished I had not left my pajamas.

Hours later I'm home, I've eaten a microwave dinner in pjs and I'm ready to go to bed even though the sun hasn't set.

This day reminded me of one thing, sometimes you should go with your first instinct, it's probably the right one. When your body is screaming that it needs a break or your mind just wants to hide under the covers for a random day, why not go ahead and do something for yourself.

I fought my need for a mental health day and ended up grumpy and pissed off when I should have used a sick day and curled up with a good book and a mug of tea.

So how would you spend a mental health day?

If you had the time and it wouldn't traumatize your work schedule or coworkers, what would you do. For a single day you can take a break and so what makes you feel better. How would you spend that day?

The Pleasure of Post-Its

This might be a little off topic but I just have to praise post-its today. Getting new office supplies always makes me a little cheery but today I opened two new packages of post-its in my office and I couldn’t help but grin.

You see the weather has been quite gray of late and I’ve been a little on the bummed out side. My post-its are friendly, over sized AND have lines on them. The lined post-it takes the invention of the post-it into a new stratosphere. But when you add enough room to write plus bright, happy colors, all is right with the world. I have an orangey-pink (or pinky-orange), a soft lime green and a pastel pumpkin pad. This covers all my bases and I can make notes to myself to my heart’s content.

I brought the pleasure of post-its home from the office. Yesterday I reorganized all of my archived email into a more productive (and easy to find) system then updated my many desk post-its with the TO DO for next week. After that I had to go to Staples on my way home so I could purchase the post-its for my office, hence the pleasure of organizing on my relaxing Saturday.

I am reminded that sometimes all it takes is a little thing to make me smile. So what makes you smile?

Do you love fresh school supplies at the end of summer? Or the scent of garden soil in the heat? Whatever you love, consider writing yourself a small reminder (on a post-it of course) to look at any time you’re feeling a bit of stress.

The Unsolicited Questions

On Monday I mentioned I would offer some fun responses to a few of the dreaded questions and comments we often receive as 30 approaches.

Feel free to add your own using the comments section.

I’ll post any I receive in another blog.

Don’t you hear that biological clock ticking?
My clock’s defective. It never ticks, bongs, gongs or rings. Have you tried the mute button? It works great.

Your eggs aren’t getting any younger.
Are they getting older? Do they go stale? What science is this? Suddenly I’m 30 and I’ve started storing old eggs, that’s just nasty. (And a little contrary to the science I’ve heard about.)

It’s too late to start over.
Says who? It’s never too late until you’re dead. (Unless you believe in the afterlife, then it’s really never too late.)

Isn’t it time to settle into a normal life?
What’s normal? Do you mean boring?

If you don’t start looking, you’ll never find the right guy.
Is he hiding under a rock? Or maybe the “right guy” has an expiration date?

Who will take care of you if you don’t have children?
I’m planning on pygmy aliens taking over the world. I’ll greet them when they enter the atmosphere and ask to be taken to their leader. Either they’ll kill me or make me a sex slave; either way, I’m covered for my senior years.

You don’t want to grow old alone.
What makes you think I’m going to suddenly like people more as I get older?

Please send me your responses to unsolicited expectations/questions about turning 30.

Quote from Unconventional Ideas

Today I’d like to introduce you to an idea from one of my favorite websites –

The Art of Nonconformity.

“At all stages of life, people will gladly offer you unsolicited lists of things you “must” do, be, or have. Most of the time you can nod your head, walk away, and ignore them.”

Quoted from Chris Guillebeau creator of http://www.artofnonconformity.com in his Short Collection of Unconventional Ideas.

30 is one of those times, those “stages of life” when people all over will give you lists. I’ve written before about the lists you may have made of things you wanted to do before turning 30. I’ve even mentioned how one author made a success of her series about her own turning 30 list [link to the previous blog entry]

But reading Chris’ entry I was reminded about those “other” people who may be providing lists that are filling your head, putting you down or just increasing your dread of the next birthday. Such lists may come from a well-meaning mom, sister, cousin, friend, dry cleaner, boss or just some random stranger on the street. If anyone and everyone seems to feel free to comment on your life’s aims and desires, maybe we should start commenting back.

I’ve made a list of the common expectations I’ve heard from the well-meaning and strangers.

Don’t you hear that biological clock ticking?
Your eggs aren’t getting any younger.
You cannot go back to school now; you’ll be older than everyone there.
It’s too late to start over.
You should know who you are by now.
If you haven’t found yourself by now, maybe you were never lost.
Isn’t it time to settle into a normal life?
Shouldn’t you be working the system you’re already in? (This apparently applies to work and life equally.)
If you don’t start looking, you’ll never find the right guy.
Don’t you want to be married?
Who will take care of you if you don’t have children?
You don’t want to grow old alone.

AND THE LIST GOES ON & ON.

I’ve decided to follow Chris’ advice and nod, walk away, and ignore. Then move on to something more interesting.

What about you? What do you do with the unsolicited advice about turning 30?

Later this week I’ll share some fun responses to the above questions.

New Entrepreneurs

I read an article in USA Today earlier this week that argued how new small businesses and entrepreneurs will be the ones to turn around the economy, not big business and government.

This started me thinking, who has the biggest and best chance of starting over with a new enterprise in the present situation - US.

Unlike our older counterparts who are losing their steady jobs just a few years from retirement, at 30 we have the opportunity to take a chance without threatening our entire future. Then unlike our younger counterparts, we have the experience and skills to be successful as entrepreneurs.

Whether you are suddenly unemployed, looking to earn some extra dough or just ready to make a change - now is the perfect time. Women at 30 are well placed to take advantage and start a new enterprise right now.

So what will you do to change your life (or change the world)?

Start thinking, get moving, and your one GREAT IDEA might just turn around the fate of our world!!

Be thankful for a moment

I’m traveling a lot for my day job which means I spend a lot of time in hotels, airports and strange towns. This week I’m calling Texas home. After a delayed flight and getting lost I managed to get to the hotel and then the office where I am working this week. Being around other travelers I’ve noticed that traveling is the time for complaining.

The present situation for the traveling public is a grim one – rising prices meet falling service. So wherever I go, I find people who are more than willing to complain about whatever situation they find themselves in.

What struck me today is that instead of whining and complaining, I’d rather be thankful. While sitting in my rental car earlier this morning I made a list of all the thinks I am happy about today:

Heat (winter will be here before I know it)
Air conditioning (to balance the heat)
Comfortable hotel bed
Money to eat out
Clean air to breathe
Comfy shoes
People who love me for who I am
Books to read
Stories to tell


Take this test today, no matter what your mood:

Stop for one minute, just 60 seconds, and list things you are grateful for today. Don't overthink this, just make a list in a rush.

Hopefully you'll that small activity will perk up your mood.

Fake it ‘til you make it

I’m still thinking about body confidence this week because so many women have concerns as we get closer to 30. Whether you’re worried about a baby belly, early crows feet and laugh lines or just having to fight harder to maintain a toned physique; it doesn’t matter – our bodies worry us.

Getting back to your bathing suit worries. Just QUIT worrying. I promise that very few people are really looking at you or judging you when you’re sitting on the beach. They’re too busy worrying about their own flaws.

If you cannot get beyond your worry that your body isn’t perfect then try fakin’ it. The summer will be over long before you work your way through all possible body issues. So instead, try one of my favorite activities – FAKE IT!

Don’t go off on a tangent about what women fake in life. I don’t advocate faking your intimate moments. BUT I do advocate faking body confidence for as long as it takes to make it true.

Tell yourself you look hot or tell yourself that you are confident in your body. And keep having this conversation with yourself whenever you can until you believe what you’re saying.

Dust off the swim suit

Summer is officially in full swing. If you haven’t gotten out to the beach or the pool yet, now is the time. If you are like many women approaching 30, you might be avoiding showing your skin in public. Whether you’ve put on a few pounds due to having children, or adopting the sedentary lifestyle of an office worker, you might be hiding yourself from the world.

Dwindling self confidence is one of the most common reasons women fear turning 30. This doesn’t have to be how you live your life – hidden, ashamed or nervous. Instead, use the heat of summer to get off the couch and into the sun.

If body confidence is slowing you down, I realize that no one can make you confident. However, there are a few resources to help remind you that you are beautiful and worthy just as you are.


You’d be pretty if…
Dara Chadwick

This is a mom’s report about how to help your daughter maintain a healthy outlook on her body by changing the way we talk about our own.

Body Confidence from the Inside Out
Penny Plautz

Penny Plautz stresses activities to help you recognize and work on the mental and emotional issues that create confidence in the body you live in. Instead of focusing on a strict diet and weight loss, this book encourages you to love the body you’re in, not just the body you dream of.

These are a couple books I’ve read recently to help boost body self-esteem. There are hundreds of other titles available so if you need a boost, find the book that works for you.

Breaking an Age Barrier

I came across an article today that ran in USA Today a couple years ago. The article was titled Girls will be 30-year-old women and focused on how younger girls have started using spa services including manicures, pedicures, massages and facials.

What does this have to do with 30-year-old women you ask?

It’s not really a stretch. Once upon a time (about 5 years ago), the only people needing (or using) regular spa services were women who were consumed with getting older, ie the 30 year old woman. Our mothers expected to start looking “older” as they approached 30 and at that time reaching that age meant women had to seriously focus on creams, lotions and body maintenance.

For good or bad, the 30 age barrier has been broken when it comes to beauty and personal care products. Instead, females start partaking as early as 8 to 10 years of age. While I don’t necessarily support 8 year olds getting manicures and facials, I do support girls of all ages taking care of themselves. So if teens and women in their 20s are now looking at using sunscreen, putting on moisturizer and drinking tons of water to maintain their young skin – I’m happy that we’re taking care of ourselves, even if beauty is the stronger motivator over health.

Now that you’re turning 30, the good news is that you don’t have to suddenly start worrying about your health or your looks.

Chances are you just need to keep taking care of yourself. Pamper your body and your soul often and soon you’ll find that age is just a number with very little meaning about the value of your life. So start planning to take a break this weekend; visit a spa for a massage or just get a polish change at the nail salon. You’ll be happier (and more relaxed) by taking care of yourself.

Change is around the corner

I’ve been caught up with working on my book marketing and my day job and have gotten behind on blogging. For that, I apologize. But things are going to change.

For the next few months I will be developing a new website about how we can change the world, one person at a time. While that site is in development, I will still be updating this blog.

The blog will be updated 3 times per week – Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

I have not forgotten how easy it is to get caught up in the negative swirl of change that happens when you approach turning 30. I’m still fighting against that negativity by keeping this blog positive.

Please keep your eyes open for regular updates on this blog. I’ll keep you up to date will all my upcoming travels and projects – including a new presence on Facebook, articles on several websites regarding turning 30, as well as an updated website that will connect to this blog.

So keep your eyes open and this blog will be back in the swing in no time.

Flexibility

Don't let the title make you think I'm getting off the subject of turning 30. What flexibility has to do with age should become clear after I tell you a little story.

As I've gotten older I slacked off on exercise for a few years. The end result of that slacker mentality is that I no longer have strong, toned arms and shoulders. I've also lost pretty much all the flexibility in my arms. I didn't realize this would be a big problem until recently.

I've notice that my bra straps tend to start drooping and slipping off my shoulders as the day wears on. My shoulders are curved downward which provides a convenient slope for my straps. Now most bra companies tell you that the problem isn't your shoulders, it's the bra. I wish that were true in my case. No matter how well fitting the bra or how tight the straps, late in the day the straps start to slide.

So I gave up trying to find a better bra and instead invested in a gadget from an infomercial. The Strap Perfect (available at https://www.strapperfect.com) seems like the perfect solution, the way to create a T-back bra when you cannot find one in your size.

This morning I followed the directions to slip my straps through the gadget and pull the straps together. It was difficult but I managed to get my body into a super tight, crossed back form but there are two things I've discovered.

1. I have no idea how to get out of the bra because I cannot actually reach the gadget where it has shifted between my shoulder blades. I'm no longer flexible enough to reach behind me or to slip the connected straps down over my shoulders.
2. I had zero slippage of straps today - WHICH I LOVED - and my assets stayed lifted and in place.

So I found a great gadget to solve my problem BUT I now lack the flexibility to make it work.
Go figure. What this means in respect to turning 30 is that no matter how old I get, I've got to keep my body in shape and stretch. On a side note, my 6 year old niece could totally reach her arm over her back and unhook such a contraption. Of course, she can also do a split and push ups from a handstand which I don't recall ever being able to do.

If the drawback of reaching our 30s means we lose flexibility, then the benefit of this problem is that it motivates us to get serious about taking care of ourselves.

You're never too old

Today was warm for New England and while I was out running errands I took off my top shirt so that I was wearing a tank top. You'd think this would not be a problem but this simple wardrobe choice sparked a thought in my head.

The tank top had thin straps while my bra has thicker straps. As a result, my bra was visible. Again, I'm not sure why this would be a problem since it didn't bother me. However, I was walking out of a Target store and was approached by a stranger who felt the need to tell me that my straps were showing and I should cover up.

Again, it was hot and I was out of the house for about 20 minutes but a random stranger feels it's perfectly okay to comment on my choice of clothing. Not just comment, but pass judgement on my choice.

I get a little peeved by the way people feel they can comment to people they don't know. I may not be the thinnest, or coolest girl in the world but I wasn't flashing anyone or dressed in an obscene manner. I was just hot and trying to keep cool.

After I stopped feeling irked and started thinking, I realized that we are never too old to be judged by our elders. This sucks in a lot of ways. BUT, it is also a freeing concept. Think about it, it we are always going to be judged, then there will always be someone who disapproves of what we do, say or wear. If this is the case, then why not go ahead and do whatever we want?

Self Expression & Creative Outlet

I’m a busy girl. I’ve always thrived when I had many deadlines and responsibilities at the same time. I keep long hours between those spent at my day work and then working on my writing career at night and on the weekends. I like having things to do and keeping busy without wasting time.

However, I’ve also discovered that one of the reasons I like this structure is that I have a lot of time for creativity and expression. Since writing is my part time career, I have the chance to express myself by writing stories as well as non-fiction, marketing messages and blogging for this site.

Take a look at your hectic life. Where is your creativity expressed?

Are you a mom who makes up stories for her kids at night? Maybe you get some finger painting or fun with building blocks in the evenings? Creativity can be found in many areas of our lives if we are willing to look for it. Women without kids at home might wonder where there creativity is expressed. It might be in your spring garden, during brainstorming meetings at work or helping out at church fundraisers. Even planning a garage sale provides an opportunity to get those creative juices flowing.

Consider lightening some of your stress load and hectic life by finding your creative outlet or seeking a new one. If you are seeking a new creative outlet, consider keeping a journal. Just 5 or 10 minutes in the morning will give you a chance to center your mind, empty your worries onto the page and set your brain down the creative path.

To get started, try taking 10 minutes today to begin your journal by completing one of the following statements.

I will be creative today when I …
My creativity is expressed when I …
I love expressing myself by…
I find that art/writing/music/etc. helps my creativity flow because…

Open your creative mind and begin to express yourself today.

So You’re 30, Now What?

What do you mean now what?

I’ve yet to meet a woman in her 30s who isn’t running full tilt through her life. As we leave our 20s behind we find that no matter how diverse we are as women, we all have one thing in common – we’re busy. Whether you are a mom with young kids, on the fast track at work or just getting by, you’re likely to be busy during your 30s.

This will be the busiest (and probably most productive) decade of your life. For many women, this decade will be when you:

Start & raise a family
Determine your career path and goals
Get involved in your community
Take over many holiday and family responsibilities from your parents
Or establish family ties with a group of close friends
Solidify your religious views
Work at relationships
Start worrying about your health and taking care of yourself

Women in their 30s tend to be running all the time. These are the women who never seem to have enough time yet always seem to be getting things done. It is this period when you might find yourself doing laundry while planning your next day at work, feeding your family and deciding on weekend plans. At the same time you might also have your bills, debt, future goals and worries consuming your mind.

Multitasking is the buzzword of this decade. If you turn 30 asking what’s next, the answer will come fast and furious. Be prepared to get busy, and fast.

Try Something NEW

If you're in the mood to feel inspired or make yourself feel great, consider trying something new. Stick a pin in a map or search for local events to get out of the house and do something different for a fwe hours.

Today is Patriot's Day and in Massachusetts that means we get the day off. I had planned to sit around doing nothing for the day then when a friend called and asked me to go to an art exhibit with her. So I took a few hours and tried something new. I headed to a small exhibit about art and words.

Below is the description and link to the exhibit website.

"Art Inspired by the Written Word
Goddard House invites you to explore the relationship between the written word and art in its seventh annual spring art show, which runs from April 5 through April 30. The works of over three dozen established and emerging local artists interpret the theme in a variety of media, including painting, photography, engraving, monoprinting, mixed media, textile, collage, and stone."

http://www.goddardhomestead.org/pages/art.html

To Celebrate or Not to Celebrate

When your 30th birthday is approaching you might be thinking about hiding under the covers, wearing black or just ignoring the day altogether. There is no reason to dread turning 30.

Trying to decide whether you should celebrate or not?

Consider your answers to the following questions to help you make a decision.

1. What was the last birthday you enjoyed celebrating?
2. What made that day fun?
3. If you had a day off and could do anything, what would you do?
4. Who do you love to spend time with?
5. Why are you avoiding celebrating?

Hopefully you find that birthdays once were fun but the pressure of getting older has made you dread decade birthdays. Instead of dreading a number on your drivers license, consider putting aside the reasons you listed for number 5 and going back to 3 &4. Still at a loss for how to spend your birthday?

Take the day off, do that thing you want to do in number 3 with the people you love in number 4.

If you want to HAVE FUN, LOVE LIFE and start your 30s with a BANG, celebrate the day as YOUR DAY!

Photos (as promised)

Here they are, the two photos that I mentioned yesterday. Looking at these, I might miss the less rounded face and the blond locks but there is so much more to look forward to now. Keep looking and you'll find the last picture is recent. Colette at 32.

Consider taking a stroll down your own memory lane. Look at the images from the perspective of who you were at the time (instead of picking at your flaws or wishing for those college age thighs).

Are you loving who you are now?

If not, get started making the woman you are match the woman you want to be.