Side effects

One unfortunate side effect of my day off earlier this week is that my trip to the beach resulted in a killer sunburn. Apparently the SPF 50 sunscreen I applied was bad because I got fried even though I wasn’t out long.

The point of today’s blog isn’t to bemoan my unfortunate experience. Instead I started thinking about preparation. I am a planner, a goal oriented sort. It is my nature to prepare for things as far in advance as possible. I’m not totally against spontaneity but I wouldn’t call it my friend either. I tend to plan to be spontaneous – in that I plan open days or open periods of time when I will decide at the time what to do.

I tell myself that I prefer to be a flexible planner. In planning for turning 30, I planned a party and a series of get-togethers with friends before hand. I did not however, plan what would happen at any of these events.

If sunburn can be an unfortunate side effect of a relaxing day at the beach, what are the side effects of turning 30?

Better yet, what are the side effects of dreading turning 30?

Will you instead greet that day with a smile instead of the annoyance you carried around the month before your birthday?
Will you end up being grouchy and have a bad time because of your dread?
Will you skip celebrating turning 30 then live to regret it next year or ten years from now?

What will the side effects be for your life?

Dining Alone

I’ve lived alone for the better part of a decade. I have a tendency to move whenever the wind blows in the right direction. I follow opportunity when I can or I just follow a whim if it’s strong enough. I’m not saying that my way is the right way. It is for me. It is NOT for most people.

Over the years I have learned one thing – not everyone is capable of dining alone. I can admit that I like to eat out. I also don’t make friends easily. These two facts when combined equal one truth – I eat alone, a lot. This is not a complaint. I like to eat alone sometimes. I don’t like that “party of one” is usually followed with a look of dismay on a hostess’ face “Just one?” she asks. I don’t like that eating alone often means eating at the worst seat next to the bathroom or the kitchen door. The truth is, the bad table thing doesn’t happen that often anymore.

Still while I like eating alone, I find that most people don’t. Strangers have approached me in restaurants and made the comment “You’re so brave” in response to my dining alone. Bravery has little to do with it. I was just hungry.

Still I’ve decided that a like the idea of being BRAVE, or at least appearing so.

What do you do that makes you brave?

Take a day off

The last few weeks I've been in a funk, unable to make myself give a flip about anything. So I decided I needed a vacation. Unfortunately there's no time for me to fit a vacation into my schedule. Instead I did the next best thing.

I took the day off!!!

I got up at my normal time but instead of going to work I took a mental health day. I drove to Maine and headed to Short Sands Beach in York. For a Monday the beach was fairly crowded but there was still room to lay out a towel and relax. I took a book and my iPod and spent a few hours just breathing in the salty air.

I'm a Florida native and no stranger to the beach. I've spent many a summer day with my feet buried in sand and salt water. Something about the salty air, the wind in my face and the sun on my skin is enough to align my brain back into order.

If you are lagging or feeling stressed; if you just are overwhelmed by the coming birthday or any other event in your life; do yourself a simple favor. Take a day off. Do whatever you want. Find out what makes you smile - take a bath, go shopping, take a walk or immerse yourself in a movie or book. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it is for you. Take a day off. You will be better off for the time you spend doing something, anything for yourself.

Until you make the time, I'm sharing a little bit of my day off with you. Enjoy the view of the sun and surf.

I HATE LIST

So I made my own hate list. Hope you like (or hate) it.

People who talk on their cell phone in the bathroom

Insect bites

Itching

Tight shoes

Acne

Cellulite

Politics (the present election proves my derision)

Splinters

Men getting a pedicure in the chair next to me

Computers (I use them but I don't want to understand them)

AND I AM JUST GETTING STARTED

How's your list coming?

What Do You Hate

So maybe this week I've gotten a little off topic about Turning 30. The thing is that if this birthday is causing you any trauma or hardship then my topics are not out of reach for you.

I'm a big believer in self awareness. I don't understand people who don't contemplate their own life, their own nature. I like to understand who I am. That includes who I was in the past and who I may be in the future.

For me coming to terms with my 30th birthday was not any more traumatic than any other day full of self-awareness.

So by suggesting that we find out what we love, what motivates us, I'm hoping to get you to understand that a date on a calendar is not what does it - for anyone. A birthday is not a motivator. Finding what drives us, what motivates us, then becomes imperative to understanding ourselves AND celebrating this birthday without a midlife crisis.

Today do a simple activity if you have the time. Make a list. Not of what you love or what matters in your life or what you want to accomplish this year.

Make a list of what you hate.

I don't care if your list includes dirty diapers, toenail clippings on the bathroom floor, traffic or high heels. Whatever you hate, can't stand or dislike with feeling. Add it to your list.

Aim for 10 things on your list. They can be small things (insect bites) or large things (war). Just make then 10 things that YOU hate even if no one else would agree.

Why Bradbury

I've decided to try a different approach today.

Maybe the problem is that I don't really love anything. I don't get all hearts and flowers about life. I decided to go back to Bradbury for another dose of inspiration, just in another direction.



You may wonder why I choose Bradbury as an inspiration. To most people he was a crazy science fiction writer on the fringe. To active writers, however, he might be something more. He is for me. Bradbury was extremely prolific as a writer. He decided at the age of 12 that he would write 1000 words every day. And apparently he did so, every day, even though his motivation lagged sometimes. He wasn't published until his 20s. So for a decade he wrote 1000 words a day, 364,000 words a year without being published. In that time he wrote over 3 million words.



Volume is not the most impressive thing about Bradbury. Truly I read him and I trust his words because his books taught me 2 things when I was a young reader


1. It's OK to be a freak who likes to read


2. Narrators in stories don't have to tell you the truth - they can lie





These 2 revelations caused me to decide that I wanted to read and write for the rest of my life. I think I was about 11 when I reached this conclusion.





So in a round about way maybe I have realized something.





What I love is books.


As to the other approach I was planning for today - I'll get to it tomorrow.

Interest Inventory

Frustrated by my lack of actual give a darn about anything I decided to try an old fashioned exploratory activity. I decided to take an interest inventory. I did a search on Google for free online interest inventory and took the first one that was free at http://www.keirsey.com/.

Of their 4 personality types I apparently am a Guardian

Which FYI is apparently a little on the boring side. I've include a list of the descriptors for my type from the personality report:

dependable

helpful

hard-working
trusts authority

joins groups

seeks security

dreams of meting out justice (I like this one!)
dutiful

cautious

humble

loyal mates

responsible parents

stabilizing leaders

"Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing."

"Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities."

"Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way."

What did this activity teach us?

Mostly I discovered that I hope I am not as boring as this personality test thinks I am. Don't get me wrong these may be great qualities and if I were an employer I would totally hire me based upon these results.

But seriously outside of my day job do I really want to be Dutiful? Humble? or Cautious?
Not so much.

Having trouble finding your passion?

I have to be honest here. On Monday I told you I was inspired by the words in Ray Bradbury’s book. What I didn’t tell you is that I challenged myself to the same challenge I issued on the blog. I decide to think about what matters to me. I decided to find that one thing that inflames my enthusiasm.

Being a content and almost apathetic person – finding my passions proved more difficult that I expected. Try to understand, I’m not a person prone to emotion, of any kind, good or bad.

My mom would tell you that I stated this life with too much emotion that needed to be expressed. She tells stories of me as an infant screaming for hours on end for no evident reason. She tells of having a neighbor come over to hold me while she did dishes because I wouldn’t stop screaming if she put me down. Until the age of 10 I was the queen of the temper tantrum. I remember times when I was so angry my face burned red and I swore I would feel better if I could just get smoke to come out of my ears. No luck with that one.

So what happened? What happened to the passionate nature that exhibited itself in extreme love and extreme temper?

Therapy happened I’m sad to say. Losing your temper, throwing things and exploding on people tends to make adults uncomfortable. So part of my parents getting divorced was family therapy for the lot of us. For me family therapy was turned into individual sessions to learn how to control myself.

Guess what? It worked. I now have consummate control. Road rage is not a concern. I don’t let myself get emotionally attached to boyfriends or casual affairs. I do not rage or lose my temper – ever.

I also do not care about much of anything.

So I challenged you to find the one thing or even the second thing that you care about, the thing that causes fevers and inflames your passions.

I hope you had better luck that I did.

I’m still looking.

Zen in the Art of Writing

I read a book this weekend that I will likely talk about for weeks to come. The amount of motivation and wisdom in this compact book of essays reached into my brain on several levels. Today I’m going to give you what may be the best quote – at the very least it’s the one that best applies to Turning 30.

“For the first thing a writer should be is – excited. He should be a thing of fevers and enthusiasms.” (p 4)

Writers are not the only ones in need of fevers and enthusiasms. All people, no matter what our occupations, can benefit from having something to be excited about.

I’m not saying that to be successful or fulfilled you should be excited to go to work everyday. What I’m suggesting is that there should be at least one thing – one thing in your life – that gets you excited and enthusiastic.

That one thing can be your kids, you job, your spouse, a hobby, your favorite pair of shoes. What it is doesn't matter – just that it is.

Take today to think about what matters to you. Take a single step in finding your own passion. Make a list if you have to. If the thing you love comes to mind in an instant, consider your self blessed. Then decide what the second thing you love is.

Are you afraid to change careers?

Everywhere you go the economy is the number one conversation on every one's mind. Mortgage rates, foreclosures, gas, oil, food and every other consumer product -- everything is on the rise. One fear across the country is how these crises are impacting the employment market.

Are layoffs far behind?
Is the crime rate rising?
Are we losing money from our 401k?
Will I have to extend the time to retirement?

If turning 30 is your concern, you may not have even started to think about retirement. But you should. If the stress of the downturn in the economy has taught us anything it's that it is fundamental to be prepared financially. This means saving money and spending less.

It's difficult to consider spending less when everything from gas to groceries costs more. Harder still when all we hear from the government is that consumers need to spend more to avoid a recession or depression. All of our spending on flat-panel TVs, cable, new cars and vacations needs to be downsized just so we can prepare for our winter heating bill this year.

So how have the rising costs impacted your job?

If you are like me, the economy isn't stressing you out on this front. My day job is in an industry that tends to experience growth even when the economy is on a downswing. Plus I believe in working hard and working smart, taking advantage of opportunities when they arise and being flexible about where I reside and what work I am willing to do. I feel very secure about my employment. BUT I realize my situation is rare.

Plenty of 30ish women in seemingly secure positions are now worried if their job will still be there next month or in six months. Others are holding off on seeking a new position until the economy normalizes. If you are experiencing the conflicting emotions of turning 30 making you itch for career change against needing the security of a job during a rough economy, you are not alone.

Stick with the safe bet. Ride out this downturn. Save what you can and spend as little as possible. When the market revives and makes its way back upward, you will be in a better position to make a move. Turning 30 is not a reason to panic about the job. You will not lose time or career status by doing what you can to keep the job you have.

If the job change in your future isn't your choice you may have to economize even more. You may have to take a job that veers away from your ideal.

Sometimes we have to make sacrifices but they usually pay off in the end. Keep positive, do what needs to be done instead of giving up and you will succeed in the end.

Consider the Alternative

My great grandmother is 94. She has lead an interesting life in her near century. What that life has provided is an insight about aging and living life. Ever since her 80th birthday she has made the same comment whenever anyone asks her about having another birthday. She says

"It beats the alternative."

Since death is the alternative to getting older I figure the same applies at any age - even 30.

I started thinking about people who don't make it to 30. Many of us have a childhood friend or acquaintance that didn't make it to 30. If not we've all heard about some celebrity or musician who didn't make it to 30. Think of some of the most famous:

Jimi Hendrix

Kurt Cobain

Janis Joplin

James Dean

Aaliyah

Heath Ledger

Tupac Shakur

Brandon Lee

Jim Morrison

River Phoenix

Selena

AMONG OTHERS - in the music, sports and entertainment fields.

Children and young adults die young all the time. When it isn't in our face or close to us, we tend to forget that it could happen to anyone. By stressing about turning 30 we are forgetting that we should appreciate each and every birthday if only for the reason that we are still alive to stress about it.

Instead of panicking about turning 30 and not having everything we want in life, or dwelling on what we wish were different; let's try a different approach. Let's choose to be thankful for what we do have, how far we've come since first striking out on our own or how lucky we are that we still have a chance to do and be more.

I don't care who you are now or who you've been before - celebrating another birthday means one GREAT thing. It means that we get to live another day. And each day we exist on this planet we have the chance to do something awesome.

Back Online Earlier Than Expected

I should apologize for my time away. I had serious network crash problems. But now I'm back.

Let's get back turning 30 and some lists.

I've been spending a lot of time this week sitting in meetings at work. The corporate atmosphere is perfect for meetings and while I listened to a few heated discussions about metrics and benchmarks, I let my mind wander to thinking about careers in general.

So how do you know your career is in the right place as you approach 30?

Is it the amount of your paycheck?
How hard you work?
How much you look forward to going to work each day?
Does your title make a difference?
How about the number of promotions?
Or job transfers?

Is career success merely your rung on the corporate ladder or does it mean more?

Blog Downtime

Sorry it's been so long between updates.

Due to technical difficulties this blog has been down for a while and will continue to be until July 18th.

(I had to borrow a friend's computer to get this update in.)