Summer Is Coming

As a Florida native you could say I'm a big fan of summer. Heat, humidity that threaten to stifle your breathing by 2pm is suddenly washed away by a deluge of the regular afternoon thunderstorm followed by a seabreeze that cools the evening as dark comes.

That is home for me, that is summer.

As children we look forward to summer and the freedom it offers with no school and long days stretching full of sunshine and the hours in the pool or walking barefoot in the grass to keep them cool. As adults the idea of summer vacation is more of a dream we remember than something to look forward to with the anticipation similar to a cool ice cream.

Whenever adulthood interupted the freedom of your life by 30 it's a safe bet that you haven't had a summer vacation for a while. This lack is what makes 30 seem so old and intimidating - lack of freedom, of childhood innocence, of lazing away the day.

What can we do to recapture summer for ourselves?

Me - I'm headed home for the weekend - where the forecast includes sunny skies and temperatures reaching 90 degrees. I might even indulge in an icecream cone by the pool while I'm there.

What will you do?

What do you enjoy?

What do you ENJOY

Simple things?
Crazy things?

Laughing with friends?
Reading romance novels?
Museums & art galleries?



What do you enjoy?

If you enjoy it now you will enjoy it at 30 and beyond - if you want to. Turning 30 will not change who you are fundamentally. I know that there are plenty of things people dread

Getting older

Falling apart

Having to work harder to stay or get thin

Being tired

Inability to hold your liquor - or feeling the hangover long after you want to

Decreased fertility

Reduced ability to take risks

Whatever you fear or dread if you know who you are and stay true to what you know, then age will not and can not change that.

So decide, decide now - who are you and who will you be tomorrow and the day after.

Benjamin Franklin

I came across a quote from Ben Franklin recently.

At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.

I like the idea that at 30 it is the wit that reigns. This can be taken either as humor or intelligence. Either way the idea that the brain will be working and in charge during my 30s is appealing.

I've decided to interpret the quote in favor of humor since I find my sarcasm and dry sense of humor has been getting sharper of late. I finally find humor in the pages of books I found dull as a teenager. I also just enjoy a good laugh these days.

What makes you laugh?

The thing about lists

Tackling the TO DO list issue the other day bummed me out a little. I kept thinking we don't need to rush with little goals in order to feel accomplished. At the time I couldn't find a solution other than to say you likely already have goals so how about working on those instead of creating a frivolous list.

For many the list probably wasn't frivolous, I know but think - if you made a list did it include

Lose weight

My guess is that for most people it did. So I decided there is no solution to the need to rush some sense of accomplishment before turning 30.

I will offer a suggestion however. Make ANOTHER list but let this one be a list of what you have accomplished in your life - big, small and anything in between.

A quick glimpse of my own list:

Graduated college

Masters Degree

Read Gone with the Wind - twice

Perfected white chocolate macadamia nut cookie recipe

Found the perfect pair of red shoes

Changes a few diapers (for nieces and nephews)

Fall in love & out of love

Decided what I like about myself

Wrote a book

Travelled abroad

In less than 5 minutes I came up with this list.

What will you come up with??

Do You have a TO DO List?

One approach to turning 30 is to create a list of things to do before the big day. The list is a combination send off to your 20s and a way to feel you accomplished something. Understand that I believe if you are happy or are working to be happy then you have accomplished a lit. You may have no reason for a To Do list.

If you've had a list in the back of your head without writing it down today is as good as any other to take stock of your goals. Your age is irrelevant when it comes to pursuing goals and accomplishments.

If you feel you must make a push and effort to accomplish something by 30 consider getting some suggestions from

30 Things everyone should know how to do before turning 30 by Siobhan Adcock & Patrick Mortensen

My favorite 5 from their list are:

Cure a hangover

Use a compass

Change a flat tire

Send a drink to someones table

Get a raise

(I like these because I've done them all and long before 30).

OR take the practical advice from Erin Burt in Kiplingers August 2005. http://www.kiplinger.com/columns/starting/archive/2005/st0811.htm

Erin's suggestions included:
Identify your goals
Start an emergency fund
Set up strategy to pay off student loans
Start investing
Travel

SO if you need a list, what will you put on it?

• Learn a language
• Have sex in your car
• Learn to cook mom's lasagna (or salmon, cookies, whatever is your favorite)
• Go on a blind date
• Get a tattoo (or piercing)
• Read a book about a new hobby
• Take your parents out to dinner
• VOTE
• (fill in the blank)

If you complete your list, will you be happier? More successful?

Or will you just create another list for tomorrow?

Traveling

I'm traveling today and for some reason airports give me time to think. Thinking is unfortunately a two pronged diversion for me - equally good and bad.

What was I thinking about you ask (I hope you ask otherwise why read this blog).

I was thinking about choices, about how we get where we are going or where we've been.

In the last three years I have lived in three states - Georgia, Florida and Massachusetts. In January I moved to MA thinking I would be here for a year long project then wander somewhere else. Now I hope I get to stay - at least for a few years.

Realizing how much I like living in a suburb of Boston I began to wonder how I find myself in a place I never thought I would consider. You see I HATE cold. Snow is something people talk about with dread and boredom plus IT IS COLD.

I'm from the South, actually I'm from south of The South. I'm a Florida native, Orlando actually and I'm spoiled by constant sunshine, magnificent thunderstorms and sea breezes.

Please don't ask about Disney World. I'm not a fan and haven't been there in years. Still I'm used to a certain high temperature and relative humidity. Not only did I move north to a climate I dreaded I moved in January when the temperature was 4 degrees.

What was I thinking?

The truth?! I thought the career opportunity was too good to pass up - a chance to be creative while using my expertise in may safe job. Plus I reasoned even I could handle being miserable for one year - after all it was just one year.

The good news? I was right and I was not miserable - so BONUS.

I made a choice and took a risk - WILL YOU?

Maternal Influence

My mom visited this weekend and got me thinking. You see she's 56 and retiring in 3 weeks after 33 years in the education system. Not tht is a milestone to my mind.

In her 33 years she progressed from a classroom teacher to a dean with many side adventures and projects along the way. She progressed and took risks throughout her career. I choose to see my mom's career as a metaphor for life - always changing and growing over a long period of time - like life itself. Retirement however is not a metaphor for death or giving in. If a person is fortunate enough to be able to retire in their 50s, they are likely active personalities who are embarking upon a new path. So retirement is similar to turning 30 in that it can be something new if you want it to be.

Your approach is what matters. How will you approach your 30th birthday??

Happy Birthday to ME!

WOOOO HOOOO!!!

Happy Birthday to me!!

Celebrate

I guess I should tell you that I have celebrated 30 and it was a blast. I'm able to share the experiences before and after 30. Having come out the other side I can promise that 30 is juts another birthday.

Tomorrow I'm celebrating another birthday - 32 exactly - so now is a good time to talk about celebrating 30. If the day has been looming for you or getting you down you have 3 basic options.

1. Consider the day to be just another day. DO NOTHING!
2. Say goodbye to your 20s with black crepe and funereal garb.
3. CELEBRATE! It is your birthday.

If you haven't already guessed, I chose option 3.

I decided to have a day all about me. I love birthdays and usually take the day off to spoil myself and-or spend time with friends. For 25 I splurged on a full day at the spa then a night out at a club with friends.

30 was slightly different in that I wanted to splurge for more than myself. I invited the women who matter to me - friends, family and family friends. All who could come made the trek to Atlanta for a spa party and sleep over. I served my favorite foods and desserts. We even had a chocolate fountain and a variety of beverage treats. Then we spent the evening in our pajamas, gabbing and taking turns getting services like facials and massages from the mobile spa company who came to my home.

It was a BLAST! For everyone. So if you get the chance CELEBRATE yourself and those who love you.

A Manly Birthday

A friend of mine turned 30 this week. Interestingly enough it didn't seem to bother him. He jut kept living his life. Some might think that men just don't care about age and this is why my friend didn't panic. It's not really true - two years ago when another guy friend of mine faced 30 he pretty much spent months getting wasted to avoid getting older and since he somehow equates the 30 thing with losing his hair he's still working on letting it grow longer in the back while the bald spot just grows and grows.

Some men just give up and shave their heads, taking some control over the fate of their hairline.

Still there's no real pressure as a man ages since he can reproduce well into his geriatric years if he can find a woman young enough and willing that is. Still the classic mid-life crisis complete with younger girlfriend and new sports car are cliches because they do happen - just not anywhere near 30. Men don't seem to age as rapidly as women I guess.

Personally I prefer my men older - forties works for me at the moment. I hate to digress but more than age I prefer the stability of an older man - not money or security - stability. By this I mean men who are where they want to be in life and aren't insecure. (Of course there is limited time from 40 to the aforementioned mid-life crisis.)

You may not care about why I prefer in a man but people say we are attracted to those who reflect the parts of our own personalities or lives that we like. So if I prefer secure, confident men it's because I prefer these qualities in myself (whether I have them or not).

So if a woman turning 30 prefers strong men why would she give up her own strength to become a wishy-washy mop who panics over a birthday??

Something to think about???

Book of Ages 30

Photo from ©iStockphoto.com/smartstock

Book Review: Book of Ages: 30 by Joshua Albertson, Lockhart Steele and Jonathan Van Gieson

What I love about this book.

It's full of great facts about turning 30 such as

• On average - You have had 7.5 jobs in your 30 years. AND you'll have 2.4 jobs in the next 5 years.


• 20% of women are single in their early 30s.


• In their 30s women have sex and average of 116 times per year (the average is 115 times per year for men).

Beyond these juicy little tidbits the next best thing about the book is that it encourages readers to realize that life doesn't end at 30. To demonstrate this they show where many celebrities were when they turned 30.

• Harrison Ford was a part-time actor and full-time carpenter at 30. He was 34 when cast in Star Wars.


• Anne Rice didn't write Interview with a Vampire until 31.


• Madonna release Like a Virgin at 30.


• Martha Stewart was still working as a stockbroker on Wall Street - her empire not yet begun.


• Julia Child hadn't begun a cooking career.

The list goes on & on.

If you want a burst of motivation and inspiration that you still have decades left to pursue your dreams, take a look at this book.

Happy Mothers Day!!!

Happy Mothers Day Moms!!

Plenty of women turning 30 are moms and how great is it that there is a day just for them?!

For all the moms who make a family work each and every day - you are amazing. I hope your children are the light of your life (or at least not a daily test to your sanity).

Enjoy your special day!

Illustration from ©iStockphoto.com/Red Frog

I hate labels

I'm feeling a little rant coming on. This week someone who doesn't know me well commented that I am culturally deprived. The speaker's reasoning was based on the fact that I am a native of Orlando, Florida and I'm not at all interested in class or social divisions. I believe that we are all equal as human beings regardless of income or class status.

This may be a naive view but it's what gets me through the day. So beyond the somewhat ridiculous comment I started to think about labels. My thoughts of course wandered back to turning 30. After all what is age but another label?

So back to my point, I hate labels. All they do is allow people who don't know us well to make snap judgements or interpretations of the surface we present to the world. My decision is to ignore those who speak what they cannot know.

I've decided not to care that someone thinks my cultural background is limited (because I grew up in a community that values multiculturalism). I've made the same decision when it comes to turning 30. It's just another label and I hate labels.

Books

Illustration from ©iStockphoto.com/smartstock

The post will be short today because I have a full schedule. I've decided to share a few books I came across on my research journey.

THE BAD
29 and Counting: A Chick's Guide to Turning 30 (Julie Tilsner)

30 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do Before Turning 30 (Siobhan Adcock)

Debt-Free by 30: Practical Advice for the Young, Broke, and Upwardly Mobile (Jason Anthony & Karl Cluck)

Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes Have Changed for a New Generation--And What to Do About It (Lia Macko & Kerry Rubin)

Facing 30: Women Talk about Constructing a Real Life & Other Scary Rites of Passage (Lauren Dockett & Kristen Beck)



The GOOD
Book of Ages: 30 (Lockhart Steele, Joshua Albertson & Jonahtan Van Gieson)

Turning 30: How to Get the Life You Really Want (Sheila Panchal & Ellen Jackson)

Eventually I will get into detail about why I either love or hate these books so don't go out and buy them just yet.

Just know that the first group of 5 are all about the "problem" of turning 30 while the other 2 are fun and positive. I'll share more later.

New York

I happened to be in New York City this evening. This was not my first trip to NY but it was the first when I felt old. I'm not used to feeling old because I'm not old.

Still the headache I was hit with as a result of overstimulation - too many lights, traffic and noise may have been a sign. All I could think of was that I wanted to be home in bed - which wasn't an option while I was wandering around the city.

Don't get me wrong, I love the city. I've just lived in the 'burbs long enough to appreciate the quiet and solitary life.

Does this mean I'm not young? Or not fun?

OF COURSE NOT

It means I was tired. We all get that way sometimes. The key is to pop a few ibuprofen, drink a glass of water and sleep. I'll be young again come morning.

Adulthood

One of the things I read and heard most often when I began researching women turning 30 was that 30 is when you really become an adult.

I found this fascinating and completely untrue. First, age doesn't determine adulthood. According to the US government, anyone beyond the age of 18 has the potential to be an adult. This is the age when we believe children are finally ready to take responsibility and are granted the right to contribute to society through their right to vote.

Beyond the legal age of 18, adulthood has nothing to do with age. Adulthood is about responsibility. I believe you become an adult the day that you are able to take care of your basic human needs (including food and shelter) on your own. This means that if you are 35 still living at home and mom makes you dinner five nights a week - you are still a child and behaving like one.

On the flip side if a woman is 16, working and paying her own rent - she is no longer a child.

Realize please that I'm not really talking about money here. I'm talking about responsibility. Taking care of yourself, choosing to be the person who does that at whatever age you do so, is the path to adulthood, not age.