Monday, September 28, 2009

Who's awake at 4 AM?

A couple hours ago I was riding through southern Mass and northern RI on my way to the airport in Providence. It was 415 in the morning and there were a surprising number of cars on the road. There was even a line at the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru we passed.

I started thinking, who are these people and why are they up. Personally, I'm only up this early for extreme situations like hospital visits, late night romance and flights to the west coast. Today I'm traveling to Sacramento, hence the early am trip.

So who are the other early drivers?
Night shift workers (on lunch break)
Off shift workers headed home at the end of the work day
Early morning workers
Parents trying to get the baby to sleep
Paper delivery persons
Strippers/entertainers
Vampires
Nocturnal beekeepers
Teenagers
Cramming students
Procrastinators

I'm sure there are plenty of others to consider but it's still a little early for me.

After making my list I reminded myself to be grateful that I am not usually one of these 4 AM travelers. Since settling into my 30s there is one thing I can say for certain, I love my sleep and I'm unwilling to see 4 AM unless I have to. There was a time in my early 20s when 1-4 was my favorite time of the night but those days have passed.

While I normally maintain that turning 30 doesn't have to change your lifestyle (and I still make that argument) I am still glad that I've been able to choose sleep over mindless cramming, partying and puffy, red, sleep deprived eyes.

What have you willing given up (or changed) since celebrating 30?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Break the Same Old/Same Old Cycle

During lunch today I found myself involved in a conversation with coworkers that I’ve had before. We were discussing trends we’ve seen in productivity and employee turnover in different departments. What the conversation came down to was a minor rant about a corporate philosophy or approach which may be impacting an increase in turnover.

While this might not be an interesting conversation for most people, it is a common rant and gripe I hear in most offices I visit in my work. The urge to kick myself for getting stuck in the conversation was strong. I get involved and irritated when I have this conversation, no matter how many times I have it or how little impact I have to enact change in the philosophy.

I want to kick myself for getting involved and getting trapped. There is no more wasted time than that spent worrying about things you cannot change. Sometimes the same old conversation harms more than it helps. It isn’t just the time the conversation takes, but the stress on mind and body, negative feelings caused by feeling unable to make change, the frustration and the time spent dwelling on the issues after the conversation is over.

So here I am back again trying to break my own bad habits. This same exercise took place several times the year before I turned 30. You see, I knew that the pressure I was getting from friends and family about why I wasn’t married or settling down was just cultural crap that had nothing to do with me personally. Still, even while I was writing the book, I would occasionally be struck by the urge to change my life to fit the norm. Thankfully, that urge passed and I got my head on straight again.

So as you approach turning 30, even if you have a positive outlook, there might be times when the pressure gets you down. Just remember that you can always change your outlook, step off the merry-go-round and go a new way. All it takes is a single step away from the same old/same old conversation.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Excerpt: Choices, from Chapter 1

Another short excerpt of 30 Isn't Old, is found below. Please enjoy "Choices", from Chapter 1

Our mothers and grandmothers fought to give us options, to give
us choices. We have the option to get married or not, to have children
or not, to work in any field we want from acting to zoology as long
as we are willing to work for what we want. With such freedom and
opportunity before us, it is possible for anyone to be anxious. With
endless options it can be difficult to narrow them down and there is
no one else to blame if we make the wrong choice. Few before our
generation had so much choices in determining their own path and
success in this life. Now we have enough choice to be overwhelmed
by them all.

By the time a woman reaches age thirty she has made millions
of decisions. From the smallest decisions of how long to stay in the
shower in the morning and should she wear nail polish today to the
large decisions of should she go to college or get married and have
children. Each of these decisions large and small has potential consequences
and sacrifices. For instance, the woman who decides to take
an extra fifteen minutes in the shower in the morning has to either
wake up fifteen minutes early which means sacrificing fifteen minutes
of sleep or she may have to skip breakfast or be late to work due to the
extra fifteen minutes shower time. Alternately, the woman who does
not choose to take the extra fifteen minutes in the shower may decide
to spend those minutes in bed, eating a bagel, taking extra care with
her makeup or conversing with her child over breakfast instead of hustling
them both out the door to start the day. Each small decision has
consequences negative and positive. The same is true for all decisions
we make each day.

When the rewards and consequences of each decision we make
is multiplied by the number of decisions we make each day it is
easy to be overwhelmed every day. Barry Schwartz, author of
The
Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, used the analogy of buying
jeans to represent the overabundance of choice in our lives. Before
we were born the most important decision to be made about buying
jeans was color – dark or light. Size was predetermined by the
wearer’s body. In the 1970’s designer labels bombarded consumers
so that status became another concern when buying jeans. A
woman in Jordache or Calvins was presented in popular culture as
more sophisticated than the women whose jeans sported no label
or that of a department store brand.

In thirty years buying jeans has become exponentially more
complicated. Oprah once had a special episode on her show to
teach women how to buy the right fit for their bodies. She wasn’t
talking about size or leg length; she was talking about the thousands
of variations from leg cut (wide, boot, tapered), rise (classic,
at the waist, low, ultra low), washes (dark, light, worn in certain
areas and every shade in between) and cut (boy, straight, curvy,
relaxed). These variations are available at hundreds of stores
across the country. The choices for men are fewer (they aren’t
likely to be concerned with ultra low rise or avoiding mom-cut
jeans) but as Mr. Schwartz pointed out in his book, the process of
finding the right pair is arduous for men and women. He said “as
the number of choices keeps growing, negative aspects of having
a multitude of options begin to appear. As the number of choices
grows further, the negatives escalate until we become overloaded.

At this point, choice no longer liberates, but debilitates.” With all
the options in denim a woman could spend weeks trying on jeans
at stores across town before she found the best fit and then there’s
no guarantee they won’t shrink in the wash. There’s also no guarantee
that she won’t become exhausted before she finds what she’s
looking for.

I own at least ten pair of jeans, in four different sizes depending
on my weight fluctuation. Each purchase required at least three
stores and more than an armful of options at each store to try on
before I was satisfied. Some sit in the back of my closet because
after wearing them a few times they just weren’t quite right anymore.
On average, at any given time or weight, I wear two pair
and alternate them with the rest of my wardrobe. The rest stay in
the back of the closet or in a box under the bed where clothes that
don’t fit now but may one day reside. I shudder to think how much
time, money and energy I’ve wasted over the years buying jeans I
don’t wear.

In the grand scheme of our lives buying jeans cannot be considered
a major decision. The anxiety created by such a small
choice magnifies for major choices.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Chapter 1 Excerpt - Amanda

Since I'm having a cranky Monday, I've decided to use an excerpt from my book, 30 Isn't Old, for today's blog entry. I'd like to introduce you to Amanda, one of the participants who volunteered for the book. A more detailed introduction can be found in Chapter 1 "Who We Are".

Amanda exudes contentment with her life. She bubbles with
enthusiasm for celebrating her birthday and her life. She
has the traditional marriage and family along with a career and
spiritual commitment. She believes that she has all she does “by
the grace of God.” A Mississippi native and Alabama resident,
her soft southern drawl is complemented by her spunky upbeat personality.

Amanda defines success as “being happy with your life and where
you are.” It’s not about how much money you make or what kind of
job you have, it’s “about your overall joy,” she says. She feels successful
because she has a “great family,” she and her husband both
have good jobs and they aren’t in debt. They have been married three
years and have a one-year-old daughter. Her dream for the future is
to have more children. She says “My dream would be for my children
to grow up and be good people, especially my daughter, [to be] a
good strong woman. I’m in that stage where it’s a little frightening
because I have to instill in her the values that I want to instill...My
dream is that I can do that and do that well. ”

She does not fear turning thirty; instead Amanda’s looking forward
to it. “I always thought it would be great to turn twenty because
I thought, I won’t be a teenager anymore so everybody will think I’m
an adult. Well, that is not true. Because when you’re in your twenties
everybody still thinks you’re a child,” she laughed. She explained
that when women are in their twenties everyone thinks they are still
immature but that perception changes at thirty. She also doesn’t fear
turning thirty because she feels she has no missed opportunities
since she is happy with her decisions and “where they’ve brought
me” in life.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Plane Personality

If you’ve read much of this blog you’ve probably noticed I travel a lot lately for my job. Considering I hate flying and love sleeping in my own bed, it’s odd that I usually enjoy the travel.

Today en route from Orlando to Sacramento I had a thought while eavesdropping on other passengers – What does your travel personality say about you?

More specifically, does the way you plan your trips reflect your personality?

Before you start commenting on my insanity, give me a few more minutes to state my argument (then feel free to counter or disagree). When I plan travel I start with the end game – where I want to be and when I need to be there. So if I’m teaching a class or attending a meeting I use that as my starting time.

What this type of approach often does is have me up at 4am to catch early flights or landing at midnight. This wouldn’t be a problem if I was a morning person or needed little sleep but alas, I really like sleep. Consequently I’m often a very cranky and unproductive traveler.

The passenger a few rows in front of me uses a different approach, I believe. From his ultra efficient work ethic on the morning flight (and what I was able to overhear), his approach is more about travel time. You see, this type of traveler cares about spending as little time actually travelling as possible. These efficient travelers always find the nonstop flight to their destination, even if it means leaving a day early. They also tend to stay in hotels convenient to the airport instead of to their destination. I’ll call this the get in, get it done and have as little contact with the travelling masses as possible. You find frequent business travelers method.

The third group of travel planners is the comfortable and convenient type. These are the travelers who never fly before noon or on Mondays during high volume. They disregard price in deference to their own convenience. They probably don’t care about frequent flyer points or airline loyalty as longs as they find a schedule that works for their life. You can recognize them as the relaxed travelers calmly flipping the pages of a magazine and sipping water before boarding.

Personally I’d love to be in the third group. While I like to travel and see new places, I’m getting a little tired of being on the road at 4am. The worst part is it is totally my own fault. So I wonder am I just a glutton for punishment? Am I avoiding self-awareness? Can I change?

I don’t know the answers but I do know that I miss the days when travel agents handled this crap (I know, I used to be one) and now I have to deal with my own personality complicating my life.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Happy Tat

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was searching for a new tattoo. I decided to spend much of my Labor Day enjoying the fruits of someone else’s creative labors.

I made a visit to Sailor Bill’s Tattoo Time in FL. http://www.tattoo-time.com/ where Jared created something new that I am very pleased with. I can only show a partial picture because it circles my wrist and won’t show well in 2D. Let’s just say, I’m happy and it looks great.



After getting the tat I spoke with my friend Noelle who commented that she’s glad because “A new tattoo always makes you happy for a long while.” What a great observation from a friend who really knows me. She is totally correct.

A few hundred dollars, four hours and pretty new artwork set my world to rights again.

Of course I started thinking about the other simple things that tend to make me smile. Here they are, feel free to add your own simple pleasures.

Rainbows
The smell after a Florida thunderstorm
New flip flops
Hot water
Cheese puffs
The right song at the right moment
The light feeling after a haircut
Finding a great shirt that’s been hidden at the back of my closet
Texture of book pages
Ten dollar dangle earrings

With the strife, turmoil and frustration of life, isn’t it great that there are some things that can make you smile? What simple pleasures make you happy?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Singular Questions

Do you ever look around at the couples you know or people you meet and wonder how they are married when you are still single?

These tend to be the people we compare ourselves to. They may be people we grew up with, went to college with or even those we work with. Often they are close to us in age but because they are married and/or have kids, they seem to live on a distant planet.


This rarely happens to me personally because I'm aware of all 101 reasons why I'm single. Most days, I'm very glad about my single life. So much so that a friend suggested my next book should be title "Marriage, divorce and why I stay single." I'm contemplating the idea.

Recently though I've heard comments from friends, people I've met and even random women shopping in Target.

The comments I overhear are the most telling (even catty) and go something like this:

"How can she be married?"
"Who would marry him?"
"We dated in college and I knew he'd never settle down and now they've got a baby on the way."

What's barely visible underneath all this is the comment that should be heard.

"Why them and not me?"

I'm not suggesting we are a culture of selfish people but the closer we get to 30, the more often I hear these comments. 30 seems to be the age we start to wonder if we'll ever have the life we dreamed of when we were playing Barbies in elementary school.

If you've noticed your own comments edging toward catty lately it might be time to ask yourself a few simple questions.

Do you want to be married?
Don't go with your first instinct on this without true consideration. Many women find they expect to be married because it is culturally expected, not because it's really what they want.

What's stopping you from finding wedded bliss?
There are no good men out there is not a real answer here. Half the marriages I know were a matter of timing more than perfection or finding a soul mate.

Have you turned down a real opportunity?
This last question is often the most important. You might realize that YOU are what's keeping you from partnering up. You might have unrealistic requirements, unvoiced commitment fears or even just not be ready to tie the knot.

Spend a little time getting in touch with your answers and you might find there's no need for catty comments or comparisons.