Singular Questions

Do you ever look around at the couples you know or people you meet and wonder how they are married when you are still single?

These tend to be the people we compare ourselves to. They may be people we grew up with, went to college with or even those we work with. Often they are close to us in age but because they are married and/or have kids, they seem to live on a distant planet.


This rarely happens to me personally because I'm aware of all 101 reasons why I'm single. Most days, I'm very glad about my single life. So much so that a friend suggested my next book should be title "Marriage, divorce and why I stay single." I'm contemplating the idea.

Recently though I've heard comments from friends, people I've met and even random women shopping in Target.

The comments I overhear are the most telling (even catty) and go something like this:

"How can she be married?"
"Who would marry him?"
"We dated in college and I knew he'd never settle down and now they've got a baby on the way."

What's barely visible underneath all this is the comment that should be heard.

"Why them and not me?"

I'm not suggesting we are a culture of selfish people but the closer we get to 30, the more often I hear these comments. 30 seems to be the age we start to wonder if we'll ever have the life we dreamed of when we were playing Barbies in elementary school.

If you've noticed your own comments edging toward catty lately it might be time to ask yourself a few simple questions.

Do you want to be married?
Don't go with your first instinct on this without true consideration. Many women find they expect to be married because it is culturally expected, not because it's really what they want.

What's stopping you from finding wedded bliss?
There are no good men out there is not a real answer here. Half the marriages I know were a matter of timing more than perfection or finding a soul mate.

Have you turned down a real opportunity?
This last question is often the most important. You might realize that YOU are what's keeping you from partnering up. You might have unrealistic requirements, unvoiced commitment fears or even just not be ready to tie the knot.

Spend a little time getting in touch with your answers and you might find there's no need for catty comments or comparisons.