Merry Christmas to all

Happy Christmas!

I wish you and your families a happy holiday. I hope you were able to spend time with those you love.

Swim naked AND Defy Gravity

I'm in the mood to talk about books and lists today. I found another book for people turning 30. You know I'm always in the mood to check out the competition.

This one had me wondering again about lists - the things we do or want to do before turning 30. OR any other age milestone.

So for now I looked at this book and selected my top 5 great suggestions and the 5 I found most ridiculous.

I should also tell you that of 100 items, I have actually completed 72 of the list.

TOP 5

Swim Naked

Buy a Kick-Ass Mattress

Watch the sun rise and set on the same day by yourself

Sleep in a hammock

Carry something to read, a notebook and a pen at all times

Ridiculous 5

Claim your granny panties

Hook up something high tech by yourself

Invest in earplugs

Adopt an awkward teenager

Use a great dermo

So take a look at the book.

How many have you completed?

Sorry for the lapse

Sorry that I haven't been writing much lately. I've been trying to get back into the swing of keeping this blog but like everyone else the holidays and end of the year wrap up has me so busy that I've been exhausted and I just haven't been in the mood.

I will get caught up more later.

Finding Peace - Part 2

Sometimes the stress is too great for me to just take a day off and hope to feel better. On those days I have to make a bigger trip.

Part of my soul is attached to the natural world. In most walks of life I am perfectly suited to the urban world. But when I need a break, I need nature. I need green leaves, the smell of dirt and the wind blowing across my skin.

The photos attached to this blog are some I've taken on various trips. The thing is that though the woods are pretty, they don't always do the trick.





Sometimes I need the woods. The rest of the time I need the beach and the roar of the woods or the dry, heat blast of the desert. Each site, when lonely and desolate, speaks to me and soothes my mind enough to offer peace.


This month, while the weather around me turns colder and I cannot get away from the hustle and bustle of my busy life, I think I will look for my places of peace.

I moved a few weeks ago and have mostly unpacked my belongings. I have not, however, finished the sorting. While I'm at it, I will look for the photos I've taken over the years of my peaceful places.

Hopefully I'll find the snapshots from:
The desert outside Sedona where I spent a week catching my breath in 2005 before I quit my job and changed my life

Or the beach near Daytona or Cocoa where I spent much of my childhood and teen years, relaxing and having fun with friends.

If I find my places of peace I will post them this month. I suggest you consider finding your own places of peace and posting the snapshots on your refrigerator or at your desk. My hope for you is that these images, these symbols can help you breathe and find peace throughout this busy year end season.

Finding Peace - part 1

Our 20s may have been the busy “fun” years of our lives but our 30s will be equally busy. Whether you are growing your career, your family or your own personal expertise, you will likely be busy during the decade that is your 30s.

As you approach 30 you may be dreading the idea of working too hard and never having the time for yourself or your dreams. If this is your fear then consider beginning the next decade by developing an essential skill that will help you cope and survive. Find a way to find peace.

Finding peace will be different for each of us. For myself, there are different levels of finding peace. When life is going good but is just so busy that I can feel my body approaching exhaustion – then a bubble bath and a night off is the best way to locate peace. I turn off the TV, computer and phone. Then I relax with a soak before putting on the softest pjs I can find. I lounge on the sofa or in bed and do nothing. I give myself permission to take the night off and either relax doing nothing or just let myself go to bed at 6 in the evening, whichever I want to do at that moment.

Just stopping life and the roller coaster is the first step to finding peace from a hectic life. This works for certain types of stress and busy times.

However, the simple night off isn’t enough to help me find peace when life has truly gotten out of control.

For the big stressors I need a little more.

Find out what works for me tomorrow in part 2.

The real Colette

I am accidentally named for a famous (possibly infamous) French writer who lived through some of the most interesting times. She was born in 1873 and lived 81 years to 1954. She was a daring writer who wrote novels and stories that challenged acceptable behavior pushed the boundaries of propriety. She also ignored convention and became a dancer, actress and sometimes lesbian.

I find her daring nature and her ability to thwart convention fascinating for the time she lived. Because I find her interesting and we share a name I decided to read a biography I stumbled upon a few weeks ago at the library. The book Secrets of the Flesh, A Life of Colette shared the fascinating life of a woman who was both independent and codependent at the same time. While I admire her creative skill, her narcissism and dependence upon her lovers and spouses is a bit uncomfortable to view in this modern age.

You are by now wondering why I decided to write about Colette. When reading the biography I stumbled across a quote about turning 30 that I hope will interest you. You see, Colette turned 30 in 1903 and she had strong opinions about the age and what it meant in a woman's life.

"Thirty, Colette believed, was the age of reckoning for a woman. Her emotional immune system has been tested and proved by the love sickness of youth, but she must now cease the reckless dissipation of her vital forces and plan for her long-term survival. 'I was,' she says, 'far from invulnerable, but I no longer dreamed of dying.'" (p 141, Judith Thurman)

So what do you think?

Has your emotional immune system been tested? Or do you have more to experience?
Better yet, is 30 the time to start thinking about your long-term survival?

Let me know what you think. Submit comments to this topic.

Welcome Back

The hiatus is over. I would like to say that I succeeded and won the challenge of NaNoWriMo but unfortunately I did not.

You see, life got in the way.

Instead of spending the month writing as I intended, I moved to a new apartment and had to unpack my 13 bookcases and the boxes of books that accompany them. Having my library stored in boxes makes me uncomfortable and a little claustrophobic in my very small apartment.

Still, moving wasn't sudden and I was originally prepared to fit that and writing into the same month. However, I also was asked to double my freelance writing tasks and with Christmas coming, I needed the work and the income.

I did manage to write about half of the words but I couldn't complete the task. I will keep trying to finish the draft now that I have a decent start. I was also distracted from my novel writing by the fact that a few days in to writing the story, it changed from a chick lit woman coping with life after living in a war zone to a ghost story that I found very distressing.

Still I was reminded of a vital lesson about writing and about life - rarely do you get what you planned but if you keep working, you can get something better and more interesting than you ever expected.

BLOG ON HIATUS FOR NOVEMBER

I know I've been absent a lot lately but with moving, working and trying to keep my head above water as the economy plummets, I've been a little busy. And now I'm writing to let you know that I will be absent for the month of November.

November is National Novel Writing Month.

I've decided to accept the challenge of NaNoWriMo of writing 50,000 words or a full novel during the month of November.

In order to achieve this goal I will be cutting back on all other writing as much as possible. I've set myself a 1000 word goal for each week day with a larger goal for the weekends, 5000 words each day for three weekends. I'm taking the other weekend off writing in order to move.



In order to make the goal, I will put this blog on hold. But don't worry.

I'll be back December 1st and motivated again.

Holidays, Schmolidays

Let me start by saying that as much as I love birthdays, I do not love holidays. The forced nature of holidays combined with the obligations that are involved tend to irritate me instead of inspire me.

I love giving gifts but already (in October) the thought of Christmas shopping is giving me the hives. AND TODAY my not-into-holidays boss decided to have a total change of personality so we are having a Halloween party at the office.

While it isn't strictly required that we "participate" by dressing up in costume on Friday, it would be "appreciated" if we played along. Did I mention how much I hate being forced into holidays? Just to be clear, I've never been a big fan. This isn't something that just hit me one day and I decided I've grown out of the Halloween experience. I think I only when trick-or-treating twice in my life. And I didn't enjoy it either time.

So how about you?
Now that you're an adult do you participate in holiday shenanigans?
Do you do it for your kids?
Or do you do it because someone else expects it?

OR are you one of those people who genuinely love holidays?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that there are people out there who like holidays. They get into it and seem to have a ton of fun. Because after all, they are doing something they enjoy. It's just those of us who don't find dressing up "FUN" that don't enjoy the experience.

So again I guess I'm repeating the question -

Now that you're 30 (or about to be) do you still enjoy holidays the way you did as a child?

Sorry for not writing

Sorry but I'm in bed with a cold.

I promise I'll get back in the swing of the blog next week.

No excuses for not celebrating

I was reading an email about fitness today. I'm on a mailing list for Turbulence Training and the daily emails are motivating and energizing most of the time. I admit I've fallen behind on the working out and I have a list of excuses as long as my arm but even then I can't seem to get myself moving.

So today's motivational email was about excuses and it sparked my thinking about birthdays. Combine that email with a conversation with a male coworker who explained that he buys jewelry for his wife on major anniversaries and "big" birthdays and here I am thinking about celebrating birthdays.

I am a big fan of celebrating every birthday, not just the "big" ones, the so-called milestones or the decade birthdays. Instead I figure every birthday is a gift. As my great-grandmother likes to say "It's better than the alternative."

But birthdays are more than just a step ahead of being dead and buried. Birthdays are the day we get to celebrate life - our own, our family's and life in general. Hopefully you say thank you to your parents whenever your birthday comes around. While your at it, direct some of that thanks to your grandparents as well.

Then stop making excuses and find a way to celebrate.

I won't suggest you go out to a club or throw a raucous bash just do something to celebrate. Head to the spa for a massage, catch a movie or curl up with your favorite tearjerker and a huge tub of popcorn. Just do something to celebrate your day and how awesome it feels to be alive. No one on earth can be you so don't you owe it to yourself to celebrate the wonder of who you are? Your birthday is the perfect time to do just that.

So get started. Give up the excuses and go out a celebrate your birthday.

AND on a side note, it happens to be my dad's birthday today so:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Better, Best, Worst?

I've had trouble writing this blog lately because I've been busy and I felt like I was running out of things to say with all the time I've spent on the book. I can't tell if I'm being redundant or not.

So I began to ask myself what I've learned from this process and I came up with a few things I'm calling

The Better, Best & Worst things about being over 30

Better

More respect in the workplace

Best

Knowing I am capable of going my own way and being happy

Worst

Staying up late and partying is painful the next morning

So there you have it, my better, best and worst of being over 30.

What's on your list?

Really, I'd like to hear from you so drop me an email or comment and I'll start making a list!

Over 30 Price Tag

Recently like many people I've been working to get my finances and debt under control. I figure if I head out full steam I might be able to get rid of debt in 3 - 4 years. Considering the cost of things and the state of the economy, this basically sucks. But since the majority of my debt is for two college degrees I mostly haven't been too bothered by carrying it around with me. I've always figured that debt was the consequence, the price I paid willingly, for going to graduate school.

That is, until recently.

Now that I've left my 20s I no longer spend money like water running through my hands. I won't say I never spend, I do, just not as frivolously. Still, more than a third of my income is spent paying towards things I bought in the past. With the tough economic times I've learned that paying this price tag for debt is a lot more cumbersome in my 30s than it was in my 20s. I make a better income now but things cost more, my living standards are higher and I save more for retirement so no matter how much I make, there is less to go around.

How is it I wonder that I survived on $15k a year while going to college the first time? I still had rent, food, utilities, books, clothes, a car - everything I have now - just a lot smaller and cheaper.

So is it that my tastes have changed?
Am I unwilling to do with what I had before?
Have I collected too much baggage (furniture, books, relationships, whatever)?

Or does being over 30 just mean that life and the consequences of our choices have a higher price tag?

Say goodbye to peer pressure

I was trolling some message boards and forums today looking for something new to write about for this blog. I've been a little unmotivated in the positive attitude lately and I believe I'm coming down with something.

I decided looking for new ideas was a good way to put by sore throat out of my mind. I came across an old message where someone was asking what was so great about being 30 and one of the respondents had a great answer. They said

The great thing about turning 30 is that you now feel perfectly justified in doing whatever you want, regardless of peer pressure.

"It's late, I'm going home. Know why? BECAUSE I'M 30 AND I CAN!"

It sounds silly, but I think it's been a good way of thinking about it. I just care less what my friends (or others) think, and more about what I actually want and how I want to achieve that.

How awesome is that?? Turning 30 means I will be able to give up the dependence upon my friends' opinions that drove me through my 20s. Better yet, peer pressure will be a thing of the past and I can finally live my own life, my own way!!

What a great day! AND a GREAT AGE! Suddenly I want to turn 30 all over again just to have that spark of new found independence to look forward to again.

Here's the link if you want to check out some of the other answers.
http://ask.metafilter.com/47818/Happy-Birthday-to-me

Buy Into Some Hype

If you buy into the hype surrounding turning 30 you may accept the idea that this is an age when you find yourself.

My personal belief is that finding ourselves is an ongoing, lifelong process that has nothing to do with age. However, I also realize that not everyone is as focused on self awareness as I am. For me it's an innate quality I have always had but it has been enhanced by a happily single lifestyle and fierce independence.

So if you are not like me (and most people are not) then you may be new to the idea of finding yourself. Many assume this stops at the end of our teenage or college years. So 30 seems like it should be an age when you have already accepted who and what you are. This is one of those times when I suggest you buy into the hype. Don't believe that you should have life already figured out.

Instead consider going with the societal expectations in just this one area and I suggest that you use this time to figure out what you want out of life. Even if you think you know, you've always wanted to be a lawyer, doctor or ballerina. Maybe you've always wanted to be a psychiatrist but now that you've started work you aren't sure if you like the work or can continue for another 20 years. There is always time to reevaluate.

Repeat after me - It is never too late. There is always time to reassess and reevaluate your life, your goals and your motivation.

You have the time so use it.

Get to know you.

Dave Ramsey Podcast

I was listening to a Dave Ramsey podcast this afternoon while at work. For those who don't know, Dave is a financial authority and author of two leading books about personal finance
Total Money Makeover


& Financial Peace





These books instruct readers on Dave's basic philosophy and plan for dealing with money. Dave is the no-nonsense type who lays it out plainly for anyone to see.

• Spend less than you make
• Get out of debt
• Pay cash
• Work hard
• Save. Save. Save
  

I happened to listen to Dave's show podcast after reading an article this morning about how average people will have a difficult time getting credit.

Getting control over our finances is an intimidating goal, especially in today's financial era. If you are anything like me, you approached turning 30 with a pile of debt. Maybe it was student loans, credit cards or a mortgage and car payments. Debt of any kind can make you feel overwhelmed. The stress of financial instability and uncertainty makes us doubt our choices and our abilities.

Something else Dave Ramsey said caused a little distress for me. He was counseling a man who was 24 and worried that he wasn't doing enough to support his wife because he only made $20k a year. The couple had no debt and was living within their means while his wife was going to school to be a teacher. What Dave suggested was that once the wife finished school and was working that her husband would be able to consider what he could do to improve his education and later his income. The upsetting statement from Dave was that the man should have a goal of tripling his income by the time he was 29. In fact, Dave suggested, everyone should have a similar goal.

I was disheartened by his assertion. I make a good living and never have I been able to triple my income in five years. Moreover, I have advanced my career over time and gotten regular promotions yet I have never reached that degree of success. I have pursued graduate level education, advanced my professional skill and certifications and worked multiple jobs to advance my second career as well. SO if I've worked this hard and faced these challenges, and I cannot triple my income, can anybody? Is Dave Ramsey just setting another unrealistic goal that none of us will achieve?

What about your goals? Your personal or financial goals? Are any of those unreasonable? What can you do to make them more reasonable?

Is there any way to keep yourself from feeling unsuccessful when in front of you is unreasonable goals and ideals?

Forgot to add the image earlier

Sorry, I talked about my new purse in an earlier blog then forgot to upload it.

HERE IT IS!

I hope you like it as much as I do. All that red, plus it goes with everything.

Reward yourself

Looking at the economy this might not be the best time to have this conversation but I think we need to think about what we can do to stay positive right now, whether it is positive about our age, our income or whatever may be bringing us down. To that end I’d like to suggest a little retail therapy.

Usually I am not a big fan of the shop ‘til your hurts go away mentality since that tends to lead to debt which increases fear and you end up with one big, ugly cycle of discomfort and craziness. However, retail therapy is good for the economy and I’m not suggesting that you go overboard. As a matter of fact I’m ordering you not to use credit for this little reward.

A few weeks ago after a stressful week and craving a special gift for myself I went out and bought this Coach purse. I didn’t go overboard and buy the large Hobo style bag or the newest item. I went to the outlet store and purchased a bag (WITH CASH) that I fell in love with a few weeks earlier. The bag was on sale.

Sale doesn’t always mean that the purchase is a good one and I usually recommend in times of financial stress that you spend as little as possible. BUT I was in need of a reward, something to make the sacrifices (and months of working 2 jobs) worthwhile so that I would be motivated to continue. I also, that same day, arranged a new lease for next year that would save me more than $200 a month in rent from this past year, and worked out to be $400 less than the increase my present complex was demanding. So in all, spending $70 that I DID HAVE IN CASH seemed worth the effort and energy I had expended.

Why am I telling you about my purse? Because I am a responsible gal, I work hard and try not to be frivolous. So when I tell you that sometimes you need to reward yourself, I mean it.
I’m not suggesting you spend what you don’t have or spend a lot. Right now many of us are making sacrifices, working more, spending less, whatever it takes to get by. If you are one of these women then consider rewarding yourself a little. Once a month or every other month (whatever your budget can spare) take yourself to breakfast and spend $5 at the bakery, or if you recently cut out your daily Starbucks habit, then treat yourself to your favorite coffee on a Saturday morning. Buy a book or purchase a favorite album on iTunes. If there is absolutely no available cash, the reward yourself with a walk in the park alone or with a friend or even a bubble bath on a Sunday evening.

Just do something that reminds you that your hard work is worth it and there will be better times ahead.

Managing Stress and Investing

Stress is big in our culture. It defines and often consumes us. Looking at the news today and finding that the Dow dropped 800 points and the economy is continuing to crash around us, how can we not be stressed.

At lunch today two different people commented about how they would not be able to retire within three years as they had originally planned. They took a large enough financial hit that they won't be able to recover in time to meet their retirement goal.

THIS SUCKS! Royally, for them!

I do have empathy, please don't misunderstand. But at the same time I am grateful that even though I have taken some hits with my investments, I will have time to recover. I started my 401k at 22 and have a fair amount of money saved even though I took most of it out when I changed jobs 3 years ago. Still I know that while the losses suck, I can get it back. When the economy recovers, I can survive this downturn and be able to recover again.

So turning 30 may be the first time you started thinking about the economy or your financial future. If not, great for you. If you've gotten a head start then you are even better positioned than many of your peers. If you haven't started preparing for the future, I hope that when this crisis passes, you will do so.

Still if you're having a rough day and need something positive to consider about turning 30 - remember that you have time. You have lots of time to invest in your future and recover losses. Our age, our youth, provides this time. Make good use of it!!

Computer Crappy Day

I have had the crappiest day. I now have a headache and a knot in my stomach and I can't tell you why. Monday tends to be a bad day with the whole recover from the weekend and get up early deal. But today was a spectacularly bad Monday because every plan I had failed, every goal was unmet and I spent my day consumed with other people's problems while I ignored my own schedule and deadlines.

Just so we are clear - I am totally aware that this is my own fault.

The problem is that I don't mind helping people and I usually am laid back enough that missing a deadline doesn't really bother me. I normally figure that I will just make up the time tomorrow. BUT TODAY, my problems were all computer related and

COMPUTERS MAKE ME CRAZY

ABSOLUTELY INSANE

They are completely illogical and unreliable. I am one of those individuals who isn't good with machines. I'm handy with tools as long as they don't perform high level functions. So I can use a drill and my iPod (sometimes) but computers, copy machines and complex tools like drill presses, circular saws and others are a little too high risk for me.

Computers especially tend to react badly to my instructions. While I just want to throw the stupid things out the window half the time.

So today I spent more than 4 hours trying to load (then unload and reload) a software upgrade. I should tell you that I have loaded this particular upgrade four times in the last week. So I've got the process down and shouldn't have had a problem. Still the irrational nature of computers meant that I tried to upload the program and it didn't take, then I tried again, no joy. I am, however, persistent so I tried a third time and YIPPEE! it worked and the program was loaded. It even worked, the first time.

I got the machine working just in time for the next one to be dropped on my desk for the same problem. The upgrade loaded but wouldn't function so it had to be uninstalled and then reinstalled.

Like I said, computers make me crazy. They are just counter to my logic. The stress of having to deal with the inconsistency and irrational nature of 2 stupid machines made me just want to SCREAM!

Right now I have absolutely nothing positive to say EXCEPT I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It will be a better day!

Is Having it All Even Worth It?

Growing up many of us heard from our mothers and grandmothers how the world was a much better place to be for a woman that it was even decades before. Our mothers were some of the first to be able to HAVE IT ALL - with their families and dream jobs. Our generation is still being promised that we can have everything we want. We may have to learn to balance, patience and how to live with exhaustion - but hey, we can have it all.

Some of us have been so indoctrinated with this ideal that we have taken things a step further and expected to have it all by age 30. Doing the math -- we plan to meet Mr. Right sometime during high school or college then get engaged at 22 or 23, married within a few years so we can both work, getting started on our careers for two to four years then start having kids by 28 or 29. Sounds perfect right? Have the female version of the American dream all before the age of 30.

Of course, no one tells you that if you get it all before 30, you'll be exhausted by 32.

The backlash of the movement to have it all has created a battle between women who are still striving and women who are searching for an alternative. The alternative hasn't been decided for many women but those who are looking are often trying to have it all, just not all at the same time. So we begin with career then think about leaving it to start families hoping we can return to work once our kids are either in school or grown and ready to leave the house.

What I always wanted to know is what happens if you can't meet the timeline? Do you settle for Mr. Almost Right if you approach 24 without meeting "THE ONE"? Or do you rush the work and family so we meet the invisible deadline? Do we reach some point and then God, karma (or whatever higher power you believe in) decides that you didn't meet the deadline therefore you cannot have it all? You just were too late so you don't get to have your dreams? Or anyone else's?

How do you even know that ALL is what you want? There's never a time in school when they pull you aside and say - do you want to be married, have kids and work a full time career all while not having a spare second to think. No one prepares you for the exhaustion, tension and shear feelings of inadequacy that accompany trying to do everything all the time.

So I circle back to my question above. Is having it all even worth it?

Good news on the book front

Good news girls! I have received half of the signed permission forms back from the participants in my book project

30 Isn't Old.

This means that the book is one step closer to print. I'm shooting for an on sale date before the end of the year but may be cutting it close. I'll update more as I get closer.

Too tired to think

I'm exhausted tonight so this will be a short entry. I just feel bad that I've been neglectful this month. Plus I haven't felt the usual positive energy toward this blog that I normally do. So to compromise I decided to share two quotes that get me going whenever I read them.

The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

After reading The Great Gatsby in high school I was well aware of Fitzgerald's obnixious and irritating view of women. When I came across this quote I wasn't the least surprised that the words came from his mouth.

Instead all I can think is that I'm glad to live in a more enlightened (I hope) time. Maybe he should have considered that the women he knew who were over 30 may have been unhappy because they had to deal with the likes of him.

Everything I know I learned after I was thirty.

- Georges Clemenceau

For those who don't know (and I admit that before I read this quote, I wasn't sure) Clemenceau is a statesman, a former Prime Minister of France who was involved in the Treaty of Versailles, the peace treaty that helped end World War I. Anyway even though Clemenceau is a man and therefore not the best voice for turning 30, I tend to concur with his statement.

OK, maybe not everything I learned was after 30. But a great deal of perspective continues to come my way the more years I collect. So hopefully old George is correct and I have a future as a wise old woman coming my way.

Women's Health Blog

I don't recall if I've mentioned it before but Women's Health magazine has a blog running right now by one of their editors who is writing about the year leading up to her 30th birthday. Since it is Women's Health the blog often centers on exercise or working toward the goal of running a marathon. This seems like typical stuff but I checked in with the blog today and two things caught my eye (then PISSED ME OFF!).

Use this link to check it out for yourself. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/blog/jwaldbieser

FIRST

The About This Blog section follows:

"I'm Jill, a senior editor at WH. I turn 30 in one short year, and already I feel myself growing older, weaker, and more boring by the second. Since I can’t reclaim my youth, I’m going to squeeze every last moment of fun out of my 365 remaining days as a twenty-something. Help me decide how I should make every day count."

Did you read that? Let me repeat something:

"I turn 30 in one short year, and already I feel myself growing older, weaker, and more boring by the second."

I do believe I want to smack Jill right about now.

How about you?

Only the immature and naive actually believe that 20 somethings are capable of being more interesting than their older peers. Women who reach 30, especially those who do so with a positive attitude, have life experience and opinions that make them interesting (not boring). And why would anyone look to this Jill for her opinion after reading her intro? Has she never met the other people who work at her magazine (or in the rest of the world) who have surpassed 30 to remain vibrant, strong and fascinating? How dull her life must have been.

SECOND

I looked at previous posts and came across another entry that irritated me. In April she bemoans the clothes she is about to have to give up due to her "aging". These are the sexy, fun, flirty dresses and even high heels that apparently we should turn in once we hit the big 3-0. She also mentions having to give up shorts (long before 30 actually). Read some of her entry:

"I still remember a few years ago, when shorts suddenly became off-limits to me. A vague unease about slipping them on had been sneaking up on me for a while, and my collection had shrunk down to two pair. Then one day a friend (a younger friend) mentioned how she'd stopped wearing them because she just felt ridiculous in shorts outside the gym. I thought about it and realized she was right--how many grown women do you see in shorts who aren't competing in a team sport? I retired mine the same day."

Jill is obviously living in a climate that rarely if ever sees 90 degree temperatures or she needs to work on some lunges to tone those thighs. I mean come on, give up shorts? Really? In our 20s or 30s when we likely have the best legs we will in our lives?

I don't think so.

Finding this blog was just another reminder to me about why I keep this blog. If that negativity and ignorance about turning 30 is what abounds in the world then I would like to be the positive voice who LOUDLY disagrees.

Turning 30 can be fun, positive, energizing and memorable (or it can be just another day in an already interesting life).

You choose.

Just make it a good one.

Never to late to follow your dreams

I spoke with an old friend today. She's another writer who participated in the same writing group as I did for several years near Atlanta. We also went to graduate school together. My friend is a few years younger than me (not yet 30) and she has very strong ties to her family and community. For the last few years she has been tied (not unhappily) to the same area because her family, church community and work were all located there.

My friend didn't complain about this situation. Like I said, she was happy. But she also had the desire to travel to Argentina to work on a project researching and writing about blacks in Argentina. The mix of African and Latin cultures that occurred over centuries after slaves were brought to the new world by European travellers/settlers/explorers.

The project has always sounded interested and over the years it became apparent that this project was my friend's personal passion. She just hadn't been able to get to it. She said she found that it was easy to get caught up in daily life and put off the things you wanted to explore.

When we spoke my friend told me that she has finally filed the paperwork for a Fulbright scholarship that will help send her back to Argentina and help her pursue a PhD in Latin American studies. Both of which will combine to one day create a fascinating book about a unique culture.

What my friend's actions reminded me was that at any time you can choose to follow your dreams. You could wake up tomorrow or even next week and finally find the motivation and inspiration to start making your goals a reality. This is true for anyone at any age.

30 will not change this fact. So if you wake up the day before or after you turn 30 and decide that is the day to start to follow your dreams - you are a step closer than you ever were. Making the decision is the first step and it is never too late to take the first step!


Check out www.keepwriting.org for the writing group's website and writing samples.

Divided Focus

I've been struggling a bit lately with my own goals and moves in life. I wrote yesterday about having a fallback if necessary. When I think about fallbacks I'm looking at careers/jobs. I know people who like to have a guy as a fallback if their current relationship fails or some other interpersonal fallback plan. Personally I don't like thinking about other human beings this way so I hope you realize this was not what I was talking about when I mentioned fallbacks.

The thing is, I probably do have a fallback career. Actually I spend more than 40 hours a week working at my fallback job. And I'm good at it. I like what I do. And again, I am good at it.

The difficulty is that I struggle to balance my two careers. The fallback is only called that because it is the career that pays the bills. I know I will eat next week because of that job so I dedicate the majority of my time and energy there.

Still freelance writing is also a job. It takes up at least 15 hours of my time each week, usually more like 25 hours. When I am tired, or just feeling frustrated, I long to stop dividing my focus, pick a job and dedicate myself to it solely.

There are some flaws in the single minded career focus (which is why I haven't made the leap)

• Single focus makes us boring
• It's easy to burn out with a single focus
• Any job/career is vulnerable when the economy is unstable
• A single path doesn't allow seemingly random connections to be made between two unrelated subjects
• The stress of a single focus can tie your stomach in knots

These are just some of the reasons I give myself for not choosing the singular path of either career. Still I often fear that I am not reaching my full potential at either career because of this divided focus.

So what about you?

Is it possible to divide your career (or your life) focus?

How do working moms handle their divided focus?

Can we really be multidimensional people?

Options and Fallbacks

By now if you've been reading this blog with any regularity you will know at least 2 things about me - nature makes me think and my thinking isn't always linear.

Hopefully you are looking at these photos and asking yourself what they have to do with turning 30. I promise you they are not just images to show you how I spent my vacation. Although, these beach shots were take with my camera phone and I'm a bit impressed by how well they turned out, aren't you?

I took these images while walking along St. Pete Beach in Florida. The weather was in the 90s and the water as warm as a soothing bath. Again, the salty tang of the air relaxed me and got my mind wandering.

While in Florida I noticed things that reminded me about the craziness that is our present economy. My day job is involved with the world of insurance so the AIG fiasco caused a bit of concern for me. Whenever large insurance companies face trauma, the rest of the industry often feels the stress. It wasn't concern for my own career that struck me at this point. Hurricane Ike had just two days before decided to rip through the Texas coast and for me, storms create job security rather than taking it away. I don't say this to be callous, it is just a fact of the industry. Without us, such catastrophes would be even worse than they are now.

But I digress.

What I noticed while in Florida was that the streets were less crowded, as were the restaurants and shopping malls. Upon speaking to a friend who works for the school system in the Central Florida area I learned that families were leaving the area in large numbers. The schools were faced with laying off teachers and staff because the school year began with thousands less students than anticipated from the previous year.

Some educators were leaving the state because their spouses faced layoffs and were unable to find another job in Florida. Along with Arizona, Florida is one of the hardest hit economies in the country. The housing crash hit hard there after a long and robust boom period.

Construction sites stood empty. Neighborhoods of newly paved streets housing just a single model home were becoming prevalent across the state. What struck me wasn't that this economy was struggling so much. This downturn should have been expected after the price of housing rose to extremes the past few years.

Instead what stuck in my mind was that people were leaving the state, some for the first time in their lives, because of economic hardship. Those who left are making dramatic choices to change the lives of their family.

I am a HUGE advocate of following the path that is right for you, of striking out on your own and taking chances to find the career and life that is best for you. In the years that I have stood behind this position I have always felt that taking the risk was worth it in the long run. I have frustrated friends over the years by advocating such risk taking because I (as a single person) have always been willing to live with the consequences of taking such risks.

NOW HOWEVER, I feel like I should temper my own beliefs. With the economy in turmoil risks may be devastating. I'm not willing to do a complete turn about and suggest that we should all stay where we are and follow the safe path. Right now I'm not sure there is a safe path.

What I am saying is that if turning 30 is adding one more stressor to your life, if an upcoming birthday is making you vacillate between taking risks and staying put, it is okay to stay put. Right now the economic upheaval of our country seems to be growing not leveling out. If you have a fallback, a career or skill that may be safer than your dream job - you are not hurting yourself by deciding to hold off for a while. Your dream job will be more likely to be waiting for you when things turn around. Now is not the time to let the stress or fear of getting older push you to make a drastic change that you or your family may not be ready for.

The most positive thing I can suggest is that like the waves in the photos, the Earth keeps on moving, the economy goes up and down (or in and out to sea) and the next wave is following right behind. For now feel comfortable with staying put if you can; you can catch the next one.

What path will you take?

I was hiking while on vacation this week. Something about nature and breathing fresh air in the woods just gets me thinking. I don't know if it is getting away from my normal life that motivates me or just slowing down enough to listen to the constant conversation going on in my brain.




The conversation sparked by a two hour trek through the woods to see some waterfalls sparked the completely logical thoughts about paths - those we take, those we avoid and those we stumble upon. With our life paths (as with a path through the woods) we all have choices about how we walk regardless of the path we find ourselves upon.

The first photo you see is the clear path - the one with no obstructions. This path is clearly marked and leads you from point A to B with little trouble or obstruction. This path is also well worn by the many who've walked it before you.

Then there is the the stony path - slightly more treacherous than the clear path because you may come across stones and small hazards along the way.

This is often where the woman turning 30 finds herself. She may decide to pause and look at her life because society tells her that the birthday she is facing is a momentous one that should have weight. During this stop we can look at the stones we have passed. Were they large enough to see and avoid (if we were looking down instead of ahead)? Or were they small, almost unnoticeable inconveniences that we stepped over along the way?





Possibly more interesting is the path that takes us across our roots into a new area. Like the roots of a tree that become exposed when the soil around it has suffered from a drought or when the roots grow so large that they can no longer be contained in a single place.

When looking back upon our first 30 years it may help to acknowledge our own root systems. Have they created the life that we enjoy? Or have they tied us to a path we no longer wish to tread?








There is of course another optional path. The bridge that crosses the water, the hardship and the hazards of life. This path may be seen as the one created by outsiders.

It may be convenient, easy even to follow this path, to stride across the bridge into medicine, law or teaching guided by a parent or mentor who seemed to know exactly where we should go in life.

The view from the bridge may be beautiful but we are protected by the rails and sturdy structure provided for us.






I most often feel like this tree.
Because throughout the path my life has taken, I have been able to rely upon the strong roots instilled in me by my family. But I have also had the opportunity to take the wild and twisting wanderings that sparked my interest.

When I am 80 or 90 I hope I can look upon my own hands and see them this gnarled with arthritis and character. I hope that my skin is wrinkled and weathered by the interesting life that I will have led.

So now, at 30, is the time to look upon the path you have tread and the path you want to take in the future.

Start walking.

Sorry I've been gone - Be back tomorrow to catch up

Headed Home

Until this year I've always lived in the south where fall is a season that lasts anywhere from 2 day to 2 weeks. I'm used to the jump from summer to winter, no transition. Life tends to be that way for me as well - I just jump from one thing to another. I move around every few years because I get bored. I rarely, if ever, get attached to the places where I live. I don't tend to settle into a town or city. It just isn't my way.

This week I noticed that even though the daytime temperatures are still in the 80s (I'm living in Massachusetts this year), the mornings are a little chilly. A few leaves have flutter off the trees but not the full scale dump that is typical fall in Florida that I grew up with. My first exposure to living in a climate that experiences the change in season is that there's a sort of slow meander from one day to the next. It gradually gets cooler, a little at a time, early and late. In a month or two the days will be colder and the sun will be out less often.

Now you probably knew this already. You know how the seasons change, why the change and heck, why the Northeast is vastly different than Florida in terms of climate. But I've discovered that knowing is different than experiencing.

What I've experienced, this small shock to the system, has me itching to head home for a few days. I've been in need of a vacation for some time and I'm just getting around to it. So today, I'm headed home. To Orlando where the temperature is in the 90s, we've missed the threat of Hurricane Ike since it has sailed into the Gulf of Mexico (where it is becoming a threat to someone else, I know).

I've been craving sweltering days when I can walk around in shorts and flop flops with my hair pulled back and not caring what I look like or if anyone notices me. I don't care much about these things the rest of the time either, but I feel like I should. So I end up feeling guilty about not bothering with my hair, makeup or wardrobe half the time. The great thing about going home is that I just don't care what people think so I don't feel guilty. Once I'm in my comfort zone, I tune the rest out.

Returning home makes me feel like a reckless (and rebellious) teenager again. I do believe I will sit by the pool with a margarita in hand and watch the hot guys go by. Maybe I'll even head out to a club, you never know.

The one thing I do know is that for the 5 days I am home, I won't think about work, responsibility or the books I'm writing. I won't think about my age, what turning 30 meant to me or what it might me to you. Instead I will have fun. I hope you can too!

Starting Over (It's okay to quit)

I've always been a big believer in working hard and striving to accomplish the goals you set for your life. Actively chasing my goals is what motivates me and keeps me comfortable living an independent life. The problem with being this type of goal oriented person is that you can become lost in the goal and not recognize when the goal has changed or no longer suits the person you have become.

What happens if you find yourself approaching 30 and haven't reached your goals? What if you aren't sure you want the same things you did when you created the goals at 20 or 25?

Is it okay to give up? Is it OK to say - I went to medical school to be a doctor and now that I'm practicing I don't know if I like it (or I really hate it)?

YES!!

YES!!

YES!!

Like ready a book that you can't get into. You don't have to fight to get to the end. You can stop, put the book down and sell it to a used book store. Or you can just put the book on your shelf and look at it another day. The same is true for life.

Where we are at 30 doesn't have to be where we will be in the future. 30 is not too old to change careers, start a new path or find a new goal. Don't see this birthday as one to dread, fear or avoid. If it has to be anything more than another day, see is as a chance to evaluate your goals. Put down the book and pick up a new one if you like. Or reaffirm the path you have chosen and dedicate yourself to putting your energy into your goals.

Whatever you do, realize that it is OK to quit if you are unhappy. Don't hold onto something just because it is expected of you or because you feel you should. Instead, if you want to start over, do so with a gusto. Have fun!!

As a side note, if you think you want to change your path but aren't sure which direction to take, consider looking for some information from author Po Bronson. Check his website at http://www.pobronson.com/ or one of his books including What should I do with my life? - a great source for inspiration to motivate you to assess your career and see how others have made changes in their own lives.

If you want something bad enough, go after it and you will achieve it. If and when it's time to start over, do it!

September

Why is it that September always has me thinking about getting organized and motivated??

Some say it has something to do with the going back to school vibe. The problem is that I grew up going back to school in 90 degree heat at the height of a Florida summer in mid-August (note September). By the time September rolled around I was hoping for a hurricane.

I'm not saying that too loudly because with Gustav the Hanna not living up to the hype, I'm a little bit concerned about Ike floating around in the Caribbean. Maybe barrelling toward the Gulf is a more accurate statement. But again, I'm a native Floridian and wind doesn't scare me near as much as it should.

Although I would like to head home for some sweltering in September later this week so I sure hope the weather clears by then. I know it's selfish to be concerned about my vacation when people in Key West were contemplating evacuation and possible future homelessness. BUT STILL, something about September brings out the childish brat in me (along with the desire to get it back together).

Apparently even I can only deal with my inner brat for so long. So let's get back to the point. September gets me motivated faster than New Years or a rapidly approaching birthday (in May).

Why does heaving into Fall, toward the end of the year seem so much more enticing as a motivator??

I'm not sure. But along with my vacation next week I've also been very productive at home. I've started a new workout routine and diet (see my other blog http://hownottoloseweight.blogspot.com/ for details about that), I've caught up at work (if it's ever really possible to do so) and I'm hip deep in edits for the book I'm working on. There were some issues with the publisher and publication rights to quote the participants (blah! blah!) which have kept me away from this blog the past few days - but I think I'm finally caught up.

See, September, what a great month. Now I must go get more done while the muse is upon me!
Have a great one!

Why do I feel pressure?

I spent some time deciding which question to think about for today and decided upon

Why do I feel pressure?

I chose this because I have passed my 30th birthday and I don't feel any pressure to be married or do better at work. So I chose the question that best applies to my interest. Selfish, I know, but necessary to get to any deeper truth.

So again, I ask myself - Why do I feel pressure?
Just so you know, I feel pressure to be productive and advance in both my careers (corporate and freelance). This is the what of my pressure.

On to the why. First I believe I feel pressure because I am goal oriented and want to be a better person.

Why?
Because we are supposed to always strive to be better. Being the same or stagnating makes me a bad person. Doesn't it?

Why?
Because our culture says we should want to do better. The whole American way of hard work makes us stronger and makes us earn more money.

Why?
Here's where I get stuck. I don't really care about my culture or society wanting me to do something so is this really the source of my pressure, I wonder. Maybe I should consider Why, down a different path.

Why do I feel pressure?
At my day job - doing well and striving to meet deadlines and exceed expectations means I can earn a promotion or salary increase. I hate to be motivated by money but I like having nice things and being able to travel, money makes that possible (or at least easier).

I feel pressure to not let my team down and pressure to be better than others. I feel pressure to be smarter and more productive, to do things that will make others take notice and value my contribution.

Why do I feel these things?
I like being better than expected. I like being valued and respected. I like that people consider me an expert and call me with questions about my work topic. I like that I am the one people call when they need input.

Why do I feel the pressure is from the outside?
After thinking about this, I realize that while it is great for family and friends to think I've succeeded, it is more that I want to be respected. And I want the warm feeling of respecting myself that I get when other people value and respect my work. It is not society that has created pressure for me to be better at my work.

It is me. I am the source of the pressure I feel. I am the why. The feeling I get, my identity and self respect are all wrapped up in succeeding at my work. So I pressure myself to do better. If I am the reason and the source of the pressure, then I should be able to motivate myself to success. I can push myself or relax but knowing that the why is the warm, fuzzy feeling I get in response to the appreciation of others for my work, I can get more of that feeling just by pushing myself to do better at the office.

What about you? Did you ask yourself why? Will you continue to do so?

Little Brothers and Why

I am lucky enough to have a younger brother who is close enough that we can talk and have fun together. We are less than 2 years apart in age. I read something today that reminded me why I so appreciate having this younger brother.

I was reading an e-book Mastering the Fat Loss Mindset by Dax Moy & Craig Ballentyne. One of the things they suggest is that when setting goals we need to know the reason behind the goal. Not the surface or superficial one but the real one. The way to find this hidden reason, this depth behind what motivates us, is simple according to the authors. You just have to ask Why?

Being the older sibling to a curious boy taught me a lot about the word why. There is virtually no situation when the word is not useful. Growing up my brother's favorite word was why. I'm guessing that innate curiosity has always guided his life. He works with computer programming and has a personal interest in science and physics that tends to be above my head. But as kids he would ask me everything he could think of. From why is the sky blue to why does anyone care what other people think.

This dynamic - him asking why and me trying to answer - is fundamental to the paths we've taken in life. You see, for me the path is writing and teaching. I'm still trying to provide the answer to the question why. His interest in science is how he continues to ask the question why.

In thinking about how much the word Why has shaped my life and combining those thoughts with Moy & Ballentyne's insistence that we need to get to the root of why we do things and why we want things -- I made the connection that sometimes I avoid asking why when I should be asking it more often.

Personally I will apply the following technique to goal setting for the next year or two to help motivate me out of the rut I'm currently in. For today, I will apply asking why to the idea of turning 30.

There's no reason to ask "Why do I have to turn 30?" Since we have no choice in the matter.

What other questions can we ask about 30? How about these:
Why does turning 30 make me nervous?
Why do I feel that I have to be married by this birthday?
Why do I feel pressure?
Why can't I feel good about this birthday?
Why do I feel compelled to have more success at work by now?
Why, oh why, do I care?

Try something today. Choose one of these questions, whichever one appeals or concerns you most. Then ask your self WHY? And keep asking until you get the true answer.

I will do the same for tomorrow's post.

Childless by choice

Apparently I have kids on the brain this week. I cannot tell you why since I have no desire to have any and I’m not likely to change my mind any time soon. I don’t dislike kids, my nieces and nephews are great and my life would be a lot less interesting without them. Still, I doubt seriously that I would make a good mother.

It is my view of my own personal feelings that inspires my choice not to have children. Of course I am a pragmatist and refuse to make always or never statements. I cannot say that I will never have children because things could change. Still whether I stay single forever or end up with a spouse and half dozen kids in the next decade, I take issue with anyone else making statements about my decisions.

Thirty is the first time most women start getting the looks and comments about how their biological clock must be ticking wildly away. In your twenties if you are single or don’t have children you are not considered selfish or immature. People say you are finding yourself or getting all the wildness out of your system before you settle down.

Why does settling down or growing up mean that you have to become a mom? Why does anyone else care that I am childless by choice?

Should you care? Why?

Some things will never change

I came across a blog entry today on Yahoo’s Shine that sparked my interest and irritation. The blog was titles “Ladies Who Lunch” and was from an entry on www.Damselsinsuccess.com dated March of this year. The author wrote a minor rant about finding herself in a restaurant while waiting for lunch and eavesdropping on a conversation at a nearby table. As a fan of eavesdropping on strangers myself, I appreciate her insistence to listen to the two women even though she would have preferred to check her email or focus on anything but what the women were talking about.

You see, these two women (strangers to the blogger) were older, described as 50ish and speaking about the other ladies they lunch with. Their conversation apparently focused on the women in their group (not present for the conversation) who did not have children. The gist of the conversation appeared to be that women without children and later grandchildren were both selfish and uninteresting because they had no life. Now the common idea that a childless woman is selfish because she must be out partying or is only concerned with her own needs is a common one.

The blog author ranted a bit (in statements and tone I agree with) that women do not have to wrap their entire identity in reproduction. If we have children we can continue to be individuals apart from the people we birthed (apparently the lunching ladies disagree). The blogger also commented that in the same time these ladies expected childless women to be selfish partiers, they also expected the women had nothing to talk about because they couldn’t talk about children.

So you wonder why I’m writing about women in their fifties who were criticized by someone who was rude enough to eavesdrop on their conversation. The thing is that this blog reminded me that women are generally a pain in the neck. For whatever reason our gender tends to be judgmental when talking about the other members of our species. The other thing that struck me is that women do not change as they get older.

If as you approach turning 30 you are feeling pressure to have children or to defend your choice not to have kids, you might as well become secure in your argument. It looks like you might be defending yourself for decades to come. If we are doomed to spend the rest of ours lives subjected to the criticisms of other women, shouldn't we just start ignoring them now (instead of later).

Kids

Today an old friend sent me the most adorable photo of her daughter. The infant is 3 months old and her personality is starting to show through. What is it about seeing the smiling face of a little bundle that makes you want to smile?

Is it the innocence of that first few years of life that we miss? Maybe the ability of children to feel and express emotions that we as adults are used to suppressing are what make me want to smile. I know when I saw this child or when my brother sends me photos of my infant niece, I wonder what it must be like to be that kid again.

Infants learn and experience more new things in a day that most adults do in a year. Can you imagine being back there, checking out the world around you and all there is to see? Without the knowledge that causes fear, dread or disinterest?

It would be nice if we could maintain the sense of wonder that children have. My friend has wanted to be a mom for years. She expected to be married and have kids long before she approached 30. When the right guy didn’t come along until late in her 20s she didn’t despair. She decided instead to wait for the right guy, the one she wanted to spend her life with a have a family with. Now she is 32, married and a mom. She got what she wanted and is happy with it because she didn’t put a timeline on what she wanted.

Seeing the baby in the photo I was pleased for her, pleased that she sounded so happy in her email. Even more I looked at the smile on that child’s face and knew that the mother was just as happy as the child.

Will starting a family make you happy? Or is there something else you want to do first?

Turning 30 doesn’t mean you have to rush into getting pregnant if you aren’t ready or interested. No one would be as happy as my friend if they had a baby they weren’t ready for. Luckily my friend was both ready and waiting to be a mom. Her age had nothing to do with her happiness.

Please explain

Check this out. I found this t-shirt at http://www.cafepress.com/. I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would want this shirt.

I have not problem with being in my 30s as this blog repeatedly discusses. But why would I want to advertise "I'm 30"?

My age is so very little of what I am. I prefer Hi "I'm Colette" because I'm lucky enough to have a name that is both unique and interesting. Even my name, which I am VERY fond of isn't enough for a name tag.

How about Hello:

"I'm cynical yet interesting"

"I'm fascinated by crazyiness"

"I'm never going to talk to you"

"I'm hardworking & normal"

"I'm a writer who rarely gets to write what I love"

"I'm interested in more than a pretty face and hot body"

That's enough about me for today.

What would your name tag say??

Something more interesting than "Hello, I'm 30" I image.

Searching at 30something

I came across another blog about 30, this one for those who have passed the birthday and are looking to the future.

Check out http://30somethingandsearching.today.com/

This 30 something female from Chicago invites readers into her life for discussions on a range of topics including (some of my favorites)
Granny panties
What Not to Wear's Stacy & Clinton
Customized perfume
Greeting - hugs or kisses
Matchmakers (I have to remember to devote an entire entry to this one later)

What I like about Kelly (the author) is that she admits that she is still searching & she doesn't apologize for not being settled at 32. She is still searching for the right career path, husband and children (all somewhere and sometime in the future). Along the way she is searching for her spiritual path and for happiness. What more can you ask for from a blogger???

If you are searching for some new inspiration of a woman who is beyond 30, no longer thinking about that birthday, and just living life while trying to find her way, CHECK OUT that blog.

Memphis & Graceland

I mentioned yesterday that I was in Memphis last week. I played tourist and went to Graceland one afternoon. It was like stepping into a time warp with the 70s decor and memorabilia from the life of Elvis Presley.

I realized something while I was there. Elvis Presley, the King of Rock N' Roll, died August 16, 1977 - more than 30 years ago. In that time he is still a hero to many. I visited on a Monday afternoon and the tour bus was constantly moving between the entrance and Graceland itself. After 30 years Elvis is still remembered and treasured enough that people visit his home.

Elvis cut his first record before the age of 20. By 31 he was a star of rock n' roll music. Within 2 years he was seen regularly on the movie screen. His career declined and was ready for a comeback by his mid 30s. Unfortunately all that success signaled a short life and Elvis passed in his 40s.

Fans wonder to this day what greatness would Elvis have achieve if he had held his life together and lived longer. What music would he have made? Would his daughter's life have turned out differently? What about his fans? Would they have lost interest as he aged or would he have stayed an icon?

We can never know what would have happened. Still it isn't the mystery that makes millions visit Graceland. It is the life lived.

You and I may never be Elvis. We may never live a life on such a grand scale. Still, will the life you lived be worth remembering when you are gone?

As long we live life instead of dreading it, we have a better chance of a life well lived.

I'm back

I've managed to find my way home and back to this blog. I should apologize for being away. I was attending a training session in Memphis (yes I managed a trip to Graceland) and for some reason I could get a network connection on my laptop, I just couldn't keep it long enough to get posts written and posted.

Technology is not my friend - ever!

So while spending way too much time in airports and cursing my computer this week I had a thought about technology. Again I should remind you that I am a technophobe. I use computers because I have to but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I'm also a big fan of the television, enough so that if left to my own devices I would get home from work at 515p and plant myself in front of some mindless show until I was falling asleep at 11p. In that time I would ignore the phone, forget to eat dinner and blow off any projects I should be working on (including this blog). SO, what to do about an addiction to television and mindless technology??

I turned it off. My pretty 42" LCD high-definition TV just sits in my living room, looking decorative but not useful because last month I had the cable turned off (and I don't have an antenna to get regular network TV). Believe it or not, I've done OK without the set. I do however watch some shows on my computer but I'm at about 4 hours a week instead of 4 a night.

Sorry for the TV ramble. Where was I. OH yes - technology.

I was thinking about how technology has changed in the last 30 years.
flat panel TV
cell phones
personal computers (to laptops then PDAs)
CDs
DVDs
Blu-ray
High Definition
Atari - Nintendo - PlayStation
the Internet
Space shuttle missions
GPS
Prozac & Ritalin
iPod & MP3


I wonder what we will see next??
Total lack of Internet privacy
All TV, on demand
Wrist watch computers (these are pretty close)
Cars that fly and talk (as well as keep us from getting lost)
Terminator like robots that destroy humanity
True virtual reality & hologram rooms

What do you think? Where will the next 30 years take us with technology??

Out of touch

Sorry for being out of touch for a few days. Unfortunately, it's going to be a bit longer. I'm traveling for my day job and have VERY limited access to the internet.

I will catch up over the weekend.

Until then, HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Choices

Something I spent a lot of time researching early on is making choices. When stressed or anxious about facing 30, we are often consumed with questions about the choices we've made. In second guessing ourselves, we are questioning several things:

Did I make the right choice?

Why did I choose one thing over another?

Am I who I want to be?
If not, why not?

It is easy to question the big choices - about getting an education or going surfing, having children or waiting, getting married to the guy you thought you loved or even getting divorced when things were not working out. Big life choices are not made once, they tend to be made every day. When you decide to get married, you continue to make that choice from the day you said yes to the day you said I Do and beyond. The choice to have a spouse is one you can reverse. You can get a divorce. So in reality you chose to get married and you continue to choose to stay married.

This same cannot be said for having children. They are yours once you have them. However, you can choose what kind of parent you will be. If you choose to make your children a priority, you have to continue to choose that each day. Or you can choose to let someone else take responsibility or you can just do the bare minimum to raise your family.

Choices are often difficult and can create regret. The thing about regret though is that it is useless. Regret does nothing for your life. It makes you doubt yourself and dislike yourself and your life. Instead of regret, consider making a new choice. Change your mind and seek a different path or just choose to be happy with the path. Continue each day to make choices that you love.

Thinking about love

Today I was thinking about love. Don't ask me why. It isn't usually on my radar. Don't misunderstand, I've got nothing against the big romance. I just don't often have time to think about it.

OK, so I do know why I've been thinking about it today. Last week I accomplished a goal. Yeah me! The reward I promised myself for meeting this goal is to have some free reading time. Instead of investing time in something literary or interesting that will capture my brain. I've headed down the easy entertainment route. I'm rereading one of my favorite series of books - JD Robb's In Death series.

I started with book one and now I'm on the second. The thing about these novels is that while they are futuristic crime novels, there's a serious love at the core of this series. There are more than 25 books in this series. What I've forgotten in the past few years of reading about an established couple was how they began. In reading the early books I've found the push and pull, the fight of falling in love.

So this round about tale was telling you I've been thinking about love today. What I've been thinking is does love change as we get older?

There is teenage love and early college/young adult love but what happens after that? Can we find great love as we get older? Is there ever a time when love runs out? Or when our ability to find it has passed?

Don't get me wrong. I know there are plenty of loves left in my life. I KNOW that 30 is young to start wondering about such things. Some people haven't even experienced love by 30, others may be on their second or third love.

What do you think?

Does love have a time limit?

Does age have anything to do with love?

Turning 30 means I will never have to do ???(fill in the blank) again

Let's play a little game. I'm feeling a bit chipper today. Take out a piece of paper so you can make a list. This will be a short activity. If you are pressed for time then set a timer for 5 minutes. Take a deep breath then for 5 solid minutes write everything that comes to your mind. Writers call this a bit of free writing. EXCEPT this activity is more like guided writing.

Write the statement
Turning 30 means I will never have to do __________ again.

Now for 5 minutes. Fill in the blank.

Ready? GO!

Help anyone move
Wear a belly bearing top (unless I have fab abs)
Learn to drive
Get carded (really, it never happens anymore)
Be embarrassed to be out drinking with my mom
Explain to my parents where I was the night before
Never be told I’m too young to know what I want
Never be told I am too young (for anything)
The splits or back bends to impress my friends
Try on clothes with someone else in the dressing room with me
Let someone else pick out my clothes (unless I want to)
Wear a bikini top to school (or a concert)
Sit in a tiny desk chair
Beg my brother to cover for me when I'm late
Borrow the family car
Ask permission - for anything

This is my list. After 5 short minutes. I'm sure I could come up with more if I spent time thinking about it. Anyway, what I learned from this exercise is a bit about what matters to me. -

Independence, freedom and not wearing skimpy clothes

See turning 30 can be a very, very good thing!!