Getting Things Done

I am one of those people who work best on a deadline. I love to have too much to do instead of too little. It’s not that I don’t know how to relax (I’m very good at it). The problem is that if I only have a few things to do I procrastinate and take all day to get them done.

I would prefer to relax through my day with a book and forget all the things I have to do. When my TO DO list is long, I give up the book or make it a reward if all my chores get done. If I only have a few things on the TO DO list, I want the book first. I convince myself there must be enough time to complete the list once I’ve finished the book. There might be but often one book gets me interested in reading another and then I’ve lost the entire day curled up in escapism.

It may be that this quirk of my personality is part of the reason I didn’t like the idea of having a list of things that had to get done by 30. What would I have done the next day if I met all my goals? Would I have curled up with a book and languished away for five years?

Maybe not having an age be the deadline for every goal makes the individual goals have more value. By saying I want to publish a novel within 5 years (or 10), I’ve set a timed goal. It’s great if I make it. But if I set all my goals for the same 5 years, will they all get done? And what will I do then? I believe the goal of getting things done is to stagger the deadlines. Keep loading your life up with goals. Keep filling your days by completing the steps of your goals. But stagger the deadlines so you will have lots of great success dates throughout your life. Instead of just saying “I accomplished everything I wanted to do by the time I turned 30”.

How depressing to think we might be done at 30.

I plan to be getting things done well into my nineties.

I’m nowhere near the end of my goals.
How about you?

30 Isn’t Old – the Book

You may not know but this blog started out as a book project. Two years ago while working on my final project for my Master’s degree I decided to interview women who were turning 30. After reading so many negative books about dreading 30, I became irritated and decided to do something about it.

The process to find women willing to be interviewed took some time. Then there was the actual writing of the book and deciding what I wanted to say. After the first few drafts were completed I began searching for an agent or publisher.

Long story short, two years later the book is almost ready. All that is left is some proofreading and the design and print process. The book will be available before the end of the year.

Now that I have a real date, a real end to the book project I am reminded once again that age is not a milestone. It is not a due date or a time when you must have accomplished some big thing. I have passed 30 but today, knowing that the dream of this project is going to happen, I’m having a great day. I am not the least bit bothered by not having published before 30.

So think about it.

If your big dream, your one goal to accomplish before 30 doesn’t happen, what will it mean to you?

Will you give up? Or find a new dream?
Or will you continue to seek your dream and celebrate the day it does come true?

No One Thinks I’m the Secretary Anymore

At a meeting this week a thought occurred to me. I am usually the one of the youngest females at most of my work meetings. I work in a field that is mostly male dominated so sometimes I am the only female in the room. I’m not complaining about that. I don’t particularly think gender matters much in the workplace.

Since I have entered my 30s I have noticed one interesting thing in business meetings. When I first started in the corporate world I was 21. I probably looked like I was 15 or 16 since I was pretty tiny. During most of the first few years, every time I was involved in a meeting I was either asked to get coffee, stay to clean up or to take notes/minutes. I figured out early on that several vendors just assumed as the only woman I was a secretary whose only purpose in the meeting was to serve and take notes.

Those first few years it was frustrating when members of the old guard wouldn’t even let me respond or ask questions because they thought I wasn’t really part of the meeting. I was just the secretary.

Understand, I have been a secretary (or at the time I guess the term assistant was being used). No matter the term, I have been the person on staff with the responsibility for scheduling meetings, ordering refreshments, cleaning up, typing letters, filing and keeping the boss’ desk and schedule clear. I’m not at all putting down the job or those who do it. It was a lot more work than what I was doing in my early 20s when I started working in insurance.

I became frustrated, however, when I was a manager and would attend meetings where my subordinates were deferred to because they were male and older. I know that plenty of women at this point would tell me it was my responsibility to speak up and take charge. You would be preaching to the choir. I agree and that’s exactly what I did. I learned a lot about speaking up for myself and being the boss in those meetings.

With my 30s I have found less and less need to assert my authority in meetings. Instead it is expected that I make an argument or present my opinion when attending meetings. In my 30s I have become a member of the team. I’m an asset that doesn’t reflect my age so much as my ability. Still it makes me smile to know that no one expects me to be the secretary anymore, even when I bring the coffee.

30 – The number of betrayal

I was talking to someone today who mentioned that one of the problems with turning 30 isn’t about age, it’s about the number 30 itself. At first I thought she might be off the mark then we were watching the movie Serenity and during one scene, she pointed to the screen and said, “You see, 30.”

Maybe I should give you a bit more background about this movie. If you haven’t seen it, you should. It’s a Joss Whedon creation and his movies and shows are wicked smart, fun and often insightful. If you aren’t into science fiction, consider watching the movie just for the dialogue, it is impressive. The movie is the continuation of the story begun in the short-lived TV show Firefly.

Anyway, back to the point. In one scene the character of Mr. Universe betrays his friends by letting them think they are safe to come see him when they are not. After betraying his friends he turns to the assassin and says “Toss me my 30 coin”.

Of course what this really refers to is a biblical reference. In the book of Matthew, Judas betrays Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. This reference is what through history has made 30 pieces a symbol of betrayal.

The thing is, as interesting as my friend’s point was, I don’t really buy it. 30 is not a BAD number or an EVIL number. It is just a number. Just like it is just an age. One among hopefully many we will see in a lifetime.

The pressure to accomplish

One of the worst things about the negative connotation of turning 30 is that many of us feel pressure to accomplish something. We don’t even care most of the time what that something is. We just feel like our resume should be longer or our awards greater.

The question I have is where does the pressure come from?

Are your parents pressuring your for grandchildren?Or maybe your sister or best friend wants you to be married so you can do couple things together?
Are your single friends pressuring you to not have kids so you can still party with them?
Maybe your boss believes you should be working harder to get promoted?
Or your therapist is concerned about your apathy toward achieving your bliss? Or your personal greatness?

An even better question is,
Are you the person asking all these questions?

If the pressure you are feeling is internal there are plenty of things you can do. Give yourself a break. Set reasonable goals and expectations. Or just lighten up.

When you feel pressure to accomplish (fill in the blank) before turning 30, stop a minute. Ask yourself where the pressure is coming from. Once you know, release the valve and let the pressure go.

Side effects

One unfortunate side effect of my day off earlier this week is that my trip to the beach resulted in a killer sunburn. Apparently the SPF 50 sunscreen I applied was bad because I got fried even though I wasn’t out long.

The point of today’s blog isn’t to bemoan my unfortunate experience. Instead I started thinking about preparation. I am a planner, a goal oriented sort. It is my nature to prepare for things as far in advance as possible. I’m not totally against spontaneity but I wouldn’t call it my friend either. I tend to plan to be spontaneous – in that I plan open days or open periods of time when I will decide at the time what to do.

I tell myself that I prefer to be a flexible planner. In planning for turning 30, I planned a party and a series of get-togethers with friends before hand. I did not however, plan what would happen at any of these events.

If sunburn can be an unfortunate side effect of a relaxing day at the beach, what are the side effects of turning 30?

Better yet, what are the side effects of dreading turning 30?

Will you instead greet that day with a smile instead of the annoyance you carried around the month before your birthday?
Will you end up being grouchy and have a bad time because of your dread?
Will you skip celebrating turning 30 then live to regret it next year or ten years from now?

What will the side effects be for your life?

Dining Alone

I’ve lived alone for the better part of a decade. I have a tendency to move whenever the wind blows in the right direction. I follow opportunity when I can or I just follow a whim if it’s strong enough. I’m not saying that my way is the right way. It is for me. It is NOT for most people.

Over the years I have learned one thing – not everyone is capable of dining alone. I can admit that I like to eat out. I also don’t make friends easily. These two facts when combined equal one truth – I eat alone, a lot. This is not a complaint. I like to eat alone sometimes. I don’t like that “party of one” is usually followed with a look of dismay on a hostess’ face “Just one?” she asks. I don’t like that eating alone often means eating at the worst seat next to the bathroom or the kitchen door. The truth is, the bad table thing doesn’t happen that often anymore.

Still while I like eating alone, I find that most people don’t. Strangers have approached me in restaurants and made the comment “You’re so brave” in response to my dining alone. Bravery has little to do with it. I was just hungry.

Still I’ve decided that a like the idea of being BRAVE, or at least appearing so.

What do you do that makes you brave?