September

Why is it that September always has me thinking about getting organized and motivated??

Some say it has something to do with the going back to school vibe. The problem is that I grew up going back to school in 90 degree heat at the height of a Florida summer in mid-August (note September). By the time September rolled around I was hoping for a hurricane.

I'm not saying that too loudly because with Gustav the Hanna not living up to the hype, I'm a little bit concerned about Ike floating around in the Caribbean. Maybe barrelling toward the Gulf is a more accurate statement. But again, I'm a native Floridian and wind doesn't scare me near as much as it should.

Although I would like to head home for some sweltering in September later this week so I sure hope the weather clears by then. I know it's selfish to be concerned about my vacation when people in Key West were contemplating evacuation and possible future homelessness. BUT STILL, something about September brings out the childish brat in me (along with the desire to get it back together).

Apparently even I can only deal with my inner brat for so long. So let's get back to the point. September gets me motivated faster than New Years or a rapidly approaching birthday (in May).

Why does heaving into Fall, toward the end of the year seem so much more enticing as a motivator??

I'm not sure. But along with my vacation next week I've also been very productive at home. I've started a new workout routine and diet (see my other blog http://hownottoloseweight.blogspot.com/ for details about that), I've caught up at work (if it's ever really possible to do so) and I'm hip deep in edits for the book I'm working on. There were some issues with the publisher and publication rights to quote the participants (blah! blah!) which have kept me away from this blog the past few days - but I think I'm finally caught up.

See, September, what a great month. Now I must go get more done while the muse is upon me!
Have a great one!

Why do I feel pressure?

I spent some time deciding which question to think about for today and decided upon

Why do I feel pressure?

I chose this because I have passed my 30th birthday and I don't feel any pressure to be married or do better at work. So I chose the question that best applies to my interest. Selfish, I know, but necessary to get to any deeper truth.

So again, I ask myself - Why do I feel pressure?
Just so you know, I feel pressure to be productive and advance in both my careers (corporate and freelance). This is the what of my pressure.

On to the why. First I believe I feel pressure because I am goal oriented and want to be a better person.

Why?
Because we are supposed to always strive to be better. Being the same or stagnating makes me a bad person. Doesn't it?

Why?
Because our culture says we should want to do better. The whole American way of hard work makes us stronger and makes us earn more money.

Why?
Here's where I get stuck. I don't really care about my culture or society wanting me to do something so is this really the source of my pressure, I wonder. Maybe I should consider Why, down a different path.

Why do I feel pressure?
At my day job - doing well and striving to meet deadlines and exceed expectations means I can earn a promotion or salary increase. I hate to be motivated by money but I like having nice things and being able to travel, money makes that possible (or at least easier).

I feel pressure to not let my team down and pressure to be better than others. I feel pressure to be smarter and more productive, to do things that will make others take notice and value my contribution.

Why do I feel these things?
I like being better than expected. I like being valued and respected. I like that people consider me an expert and call me with questions about my work topic. I like that I am the one people call when they need input.

Why do I feel the pressure is from the outside?
After thinking about this, I realize that while it is great for family and friends to think I've succeeded, it is more that I want to be respected. And I want the warm feeling of respecting myself that I get when other people value and respect my work. It is not society that has created pressure for me to be better at my work.

It is me. I am the source of the pressure I feel. I am the why. The feeling I get, my identity and self respect are all wrapped up in succeeding at my work. So I pressure myself to do better. If I am the reason and the source of the pressure, then I should be able to motivate myself to success. I can push myself or relax but knowing that the why is the warm, fuzzy feeling I get in response to the appreciation of others for my work, I can get more of that feeling just by pushing myself to do better at the office.

What about you? Did you ask yourself why? Will you continue to do so?

Little Brothers and Why

I am lucky enough to have a younger brother who is close enough that we can talk and have fun together. We are less than 2 years apart in age. I read something today that reminded me why I so appreciate having this younger brother.

I was reading an e-book Mastering the Fat Loss Mindset by Dax Moy & Craig Ballentyne. One of the things they suggest is that when setting goals we need to know the reason behind the goal. Not the surface or superficial one but the real one. The way to find this hidden reason, this depth behind what motivates us, is simple according to the authors. You just have to ask Why?

Being the older sibling to a curious boy taught me a lot about the word why. There is virtually no situation when the word is not useful. Growing up my brother's favorite word was why. I'm guessing that innate curiosity has always guided his life. He works with computer programming and has a personal interest in science and physics that tends to be above my head. But as kids he would ask me everything he could think of. From why is the sky blue to why does anyone care what other people think.

This dynamic - him asking why and me trying to answer - is fundamental to the paths we've taken in life. You see, for me the path is writing and teaching. I'm still trying to provide the answer to the question why. His interest in science is how he continues to ask the question why.

In thinking about how much the word Why has shaped my life and combining those thoughts with Moy & Ballentyne's insistence that we need to get to the root of why we do things and why we want things -- I made the connection that sometimes I avoid asking why when I should be asking it more often.

Personally I will apply the following technique to goal setting for the next year or two to help motivate me out of the rut I'm currently in. For today, I will apply asking why to the idea of turning 30.

There's no reason to ask "Why do I have to turn 30?" Since we have no choice in the matter.

What other questions can we ask about 30? How about these:
Why does turning 30 make me nervous?
Why do I feel that I have to be married by this birthday?
Why do I feel pressure?
Why can't I feel good about this birthday?
Why do I feel compelled to have more success at work by now?
Why, oh why, do I care?

Try something today. Choose one of these questions, whichever one appeals or concerns you most. Then ask your self WHY? And keep asking until you get the true answer.

I will do the same for tomorrow's post.

Childless by choice

Apparently I have kids on the brain this week. I cannot tell you why since I have no desire to have any and I’m not likely to change my mind any time soon. I don’t dislike kids, my nieces and nephews are great and my life would be a lot less interesting without them. Still, I doubt seriously that I would make a good mother.

It is my view of my own personal feelings that inspires my choice not to have children. Of course I am a pragmatist and refuse to make always or never statements. I cannot say that I will never have children because things could change. Still whether I stay single forever or end up with a spouse and half dozen kids in the next decade, I take issue with anyone else making statements about my decisions.

Thirty is the first time most women start getting the looks and comments about how their biological clock must be ticking wildly away. In your twenties if you are single or don’t have children you are not considered selfish or immature. People say you are finding yourself or getting all the wildness out of your system before you settle down.

Why does settling down or growing up mean that you have to become a mom? Why does anyone else care that I am childless by choice?

Should you care? Why?

Some things will never change

I came across a blog entry today on Yahoo’s Shine that sparked my interest and irritation. The blog was titles “Ladies Who Lunch” and was from an entry on www.Damselsinsuccess.com dated March of this year. The author wrote a minor rant about finding herself in a restaurant while waiting for lunch and eavesdropping on a conversation at a nearby table. As a fan of eavesdropping on strangers myself, I appreciate her insistence to listen to the two women even though she would have preferred to check her email or focus on anything but what the women were talking about.

You see, these two women (strangers to the blogger) were older, described as 50ish and speaking about the other ladies they lunch with. Their conversation apparently focused on the women in their group (not present for the conversation) who did not have children. The gist of the conversation appeared to be that women without children and later grandchildren were both selfish and uninteresting because they had no life. Now the common idea that a childless woman is selfish because she must be out partying or is only concerned with her own needs is a common one.

The blog author ranted a bit (in statements and tone I agree with) that women do not have to wrap their entire identity in reproduction. If we have children we can continue to be individuals apart from the people we birthed (apparently the lunching ladies disagree). The blogger also commented that in the same time these ladies expected childless women to be selfish partiers, they also expected the women had nothing to talk about because they couldn’t talk about children.

So you wonder why I’m writing about women in their fifties who were criticized by someone who was rude enough to eavesdrop on their conversation. The thing is that this blog reminded me that women are generally a pain in the neck. For whatever reason our gender tends to be judgmental when talking about the other members of our species. The other thing that struck me is that women do not change as they get older.

If as you approach turning 30 you are feeling pressure to have children or to defend your choice not to have kids, you might as well become secure in your argument. It looks like you might be defending yourself for decades to come. If we are doomed to spend the rest of ours lives subjected to the criticisms of other women, shouldn't we just start ignoring them now (instead of later).

Kids

Today an old friend sent me the most adorable photo of her daughter. The infant is 3 months old and her personality is starting to show through. What is it about seeing the smiling face of a little bundle that makes you want to smile?

Is it the innocence of that first few years of life that we miss? Maybe the ability of children to feel and express emotions that we as adults are used to suppressing are what make me want to smile. I know when I saw this child or when my brother sends me photos of my infant niece, I wonder what it must be like to be that kid again.

Infants learn and experience more new things in a day that most adults do in a year. Can you imagine being back there, checking out the world around you and all there is to see? Without the knowledge that causes fear, dread or disinterest?

It would be nice if we could maintain the sense of wonder that children have. My friend has wanted to be a mom for years. She expected to be married and have kids long before she approached 30. When the right guy didn’t come along until late in her 20s she didn’t despair. She decided instead to wait for the right guy, the one she wanted to spend her life with a have a family with. Now she is 32, married and a mom. She got what she wanted and is happy with it because she didn’t put a timeline on what she wanted.

Seeing the baby in the photo I was pleased for her, pleased that she sounded so happy in her email. Even more I looked at the smile on that child’s face and knew that the mother was just as happy as the child.

Will starting a family make you happy? Or is there something else you want to do first?

Turning 30 doesn’t mean you have to rush into getting pregnant if you aren’t ready or interested. No one would be as happy as my friend if they had a baby they weren’t ready for. Luckily my friend was both ready and waiting to be a mom. Her age had nothing to do with her happiness.

Please explain

Check this out. I found this t-shirt at http://www.cafepress.com/. I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would want this shirt.

I have not problem with being in my 30s as this blog repeatedly discusses. But why would I want to advertise "I'm 30"?

My age is so very little of what I am. I prefer Hi "I'm Colette" because I'm lucky enough to have a name that is both unique and interesting. Even my name, which I am VERY fond of isn't enough for a name tag.

How about Hello:

"I'm cynical yet interesting"

"I'm fascinated by crazyiness"

"I'm never going to talk to you"

"I'm hardworking & normal"

"I'm a writer who rarely gets to write what I love"

"I'm interested in more than a pretty face and hot body"

That's enough about me for today.

What would your name tag say??

Something more interesting than "Hello, I'm 30" I image.