What Makes a Milestone
A milestone can be defined as a significant point in development.
That’s it, just a significant moment. It doesn’t have to be a decade
birthday or a life changing event, just a significant one. For many of
the participants there was nothing significant about turning thirty. It
was just another birthday whether they looked forward to it or not.
Instead of seeing thirty as a milestone I asked the participants to create
their own definition of what makes a milestone in a woman’s life. I
enjoyed their responses.
Some of our most significant moments include our relationships
with men. Those relationships impacted the responses provided by
some participants. Lori considered independence to be a milestone.
She said, “Figuring out your life without a man. It’s ok, really. Your
arms and legs don’t fall off,” was significant for her life. Realizing
she could be on her own and happy is a struggle for many women, yet
it’s a relief once they get there and decide not to obsess about finding
the perfect partner. Plenty of us realized by thirty that perfect cannot
be found by looking. Another significant moment involves having
children. Lynn explained, “If I could decide what makes a milestone
for a woman’s life it would be becoming a mommy…biological
or adopted.” The responsibility and joy of motherhood change all
aspects of a woman’s life. It is impossible to become a mom without
changing because the new person in your life supersedes your previous
priorities.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Excerpt: Chapter 9: Self Acceptance
Self Acceptance
By far the most common milestone discussed by the participants
was self acceptance. Lorelie credited accepting and letting go of
her past as central to moving forward to her future. No matter what
expression was used (being comfortable in your own skin, at peace
with your life choices, happy with who you see in the mirror and many
others) the goal is the same. Being who you are and feeling happy
with that person is a milestone women across the country strive for.
Jennifer said that her milestones are all wrapped up together and each
was necessary for the whole of who she is.
Self acceptance may be reached at any time along the lifespan.
There are some self-possessed people who come out of the womb
knowing who they are and where they’re going. They are the women
who make the rest of us feel inadequate without doing anything at all
and don’t know why others feel inferior. For the rest of us self acceptance
is a process. We go through periods such as childhood and our
early twenties just living with little thought to the future or the big
picture. There are carefree times when we are too busy doing to obsess
about our lives.
There are however, times when self absorption is necessary.
Now might be that time.
By far the most common milestone discussed by the participants
was self acceptance. Lorelie credited accepting and letting go of
her past as central to moving forward to her future. No matter what
expression was used (being comfortable in your own skin, at peace
with your life choices, happy with who you see in the mirror and many
others) the goal is the same. Being who you are and feeling happy
with that person is a milestone women across the country strive for.
Jennifer said that her milestones are all wrapped up together and each
was necessary for the whole of who she is.
Self acceptance may be reached at any time along the lifespan.
There are some self-possessed people who come out of the womb
knowing who they are and where they’re going. They are the women
who make the rest of us feel inadequate without doing anything at all
and don’t know why others feel inferior. For the rest of us self acceptance
is a process. We go through periods such as childhood and our
early twenties just living with little thought to the future or the big
picture. There are carefree times when we are too busy doing to obsess
about our lives.
There are however, times when self absorption is necessary.
Now might be that time.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friends know you best
I once had a friend who I could call after six months of not talking and pick up like we had spoken just yesterday. People were often surprised that we could live across the country from each other and not talk but still be thick as thieves the minute the phone rang. This friendship lasted for 10 years. During that time, we only lived in the same state for the first six months or so. We lived about an hour way for the last six months as well.
In fact, being close and talking all the time contributed to the destruction of that particular friendship.
In most cases friends are the people who know us best, especially as we get older. Many of us become distant with our families as we move away from home. Others get caught up in starting new families which can create barriers to making new friends and letting people into our lives.
But it is the old friends, the ones who’ve been with us through thick, thin and everything in between who become our touchstones in life. Friends are those who’ve kept up with the changes in our lives and they know the people we’ve become. Often they experienced the growing pains right along with us.
I’m visiting friends this week, spending the holidays with them instead of my family this year. My family is a little scattered so I’ve been given the chance to do something different this year. The beauty of hanging out with friends during a holiday is that I don’t have to make excuses if I want to go home or be alone at some point. My friends know me well enough to understand my moods and my tendency to spend time on my own. They also don’t have the urge to guilt trip me.
In fact, being close and talking all the time contributed to the destruction of that particular friendship.
In most cases friends are the people who know us best, especially as we get older. Many of us become distant with our families as we move away from home. Others get caught up in starting new families which can create barriers to making new friends and letting people into our lives.
But it is the old friends, the ones who’ve been with us through thick, thin and everything in between who become our touchstones in life. Friends are those who’ve kept up with the changes in our lives and they know the people we’ve become. Often they experienced the growing pains right along with us.
I’m visiting friends this week, spending the holidays with them instead of my family this year. My family is a little scattered so I’ve been given the chance to do something different this year. The beauty of hanging out with friends during a holiday is that I don’t have to make excuses if I want to go home or be alone at some point. My friends know me well enough to understand my moods and my tendency to spend time on my own. They also don’t have the urge to guilt trip me.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Excerpt: Chapter 10
What's Next
By turning thirty many of us realized that the twenties were all
about learning and making mistakes but our thirties will be about living
life on our own terms. Finding and living by our own rules were
frequent suggestions provided by the participants. Heather advised,
“Search within yourself to find out what’s important to you, what
you value the most and then spend your time and energy on that and
really…make time.” Jessica Y. agreed women should “stop living for
other people, make sure you’re living for your self…Give thanks for
what you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.” Our
thirties will be the time to continue to discover who we are and how to
make our dreams come true.
The key for anyone feeling restless or unfulfilled at thirty is be
honest with yourself to determine what it is you want then make the
changes. Nancy suggested, “If [you] have something that they’ve
always wanted to do try to get it done so that way you feel a little
bit more accomplished when you turn thirty.” In order to avoid
being stagnant we must be willing to change. Don’t be afraid of
the unknown. The only way to improve is to change. Bonnie Fuller
argued, “If you’re only thirty, for instance, and feel you’re never
going to change your hairstyle or your lipstick color or your ideas,
you’re not going to look like Christie Brinkley does at fifty. You’ll
look like Christie Brinkley’s mother. You have to have the courage
to change and evolve, no matter what your age.” She spent her career
taking chances and helping magazine change with their audience and
the culture as a whole. What Bonnie Fuller did for YM and Star magazines
– making them stand out as quick successes – you can do for
your own life if only you are willing to embrace change and go after
what you want. Jennifer explained that you have to listen to your
inner voice because it will point you to the correct path. She said, “It
was only when I started tuning in to that inner voice that I became
very happy and content with my life.”
By turning thirty many of us realized that the twenties were all
about learning and making mistakes but our thirties will be about living
life on our own terms. Finding and living by our own rules were
frequent suggestions provided by the participants. Heather advised,
“Search within yourself to find out what’s important to you, what
you value the most and then spend your time and energy on that and
really…make time.” Jessica Y. agreed women should “stop living for
other people, make sure you’re living for your self…Give thanks for
what you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.” Our
thirties will be the time to continue to discover who we are and how to
make our dreams come true.
The key for anyone feeling restless or unfulfilled at thirty is be
honest with yourself to determine what it is you want then make the
changes. Nancy suggested, “If [you] have something that they’ve
always wanted to do try to get it done so that way you feel a little
bit more accomplished when you turn thirty.” In order to avoid
being stagnant we must be willing to change. Don’t be afraid of
the unknown. The only way to improve is to change. Bonnie Fuller
argued, “If you’re only thirty, for instance, and feel you’re never
going to change your hairstyle or your lipstick color or your ideas,
you’re not going to look like Christie Brinkley does at fifty. You’ll
look like Christie Brinkley’s mother. You have to have the courage
to change and evolve, no matter what your age.” She spent her career
taking chances and helping magazine change with their audience and
the culture as a whole. What Bonnie Fuller did for YM and Star magazines
– making them stand out as quick successes – you can do for
your own life if only you are willing to embrace change and go after
what you want. Jennifer explained that you have to listen to your
inner voice because it will point you to the correct path. She said, “It
was only when I started tuning in to that inner voice that I became
very happy and content with my life.”
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Pointy hats and balloons
Do you remember your childhood birthday parties? I’m assuming (and hoping) that you had them. I realize not everyone has good memories of childhood birthdays. So this part suggestion is for those who did.
Go classic for your 30th celebration with the pointy hats, Mylar balloons (complete with helium tank) and noise makers. Get into the celebration hanging streamers and purchasing matching plates, cups and napkins. Heck, go for the party favors too. Feel free to choose adult favors if you prefer. A can of red bull, mini vodka bottle and some fancy chocolate are sure to make your party guests feel special. Or at least too inebriated to care.
I love the goofy and ridiculous which is why this idea appeals to me. Plus, as an old favorite style for birthday parties, you can get the supplies in a flash (I said flash, not flask). Select a theme from princess to over the hill, there are more options than you can shake a stick at if you visit your local party store.
With two quick trips – to the grocery store and the liquor store – you’ll be all set. You can get the cake, food, sugar and any dietary indulgence at the grocery store. Then stop at the liquor store to load up on a select drink for the day – pink champagne for the princess, your signature martini or some other fruity concoction.
What’s better than combining the fun of a kids noisy party with the noise of drunken adults? Have fun and remember, those pointy had might poke an eye out if you aren’t careful.
Go classic for your 30th celebration with the pointy hats, Mylar balloons (complete with helium tank) and noise makers. Get into the celebration hanging streamers and purchasing matching plates, cups and napkins. Heck, go for the party favors too. Feel free to choose adult favors if you prefer. A can of red bull, mini vodka bottle and some fancy chocolate are sure to make your party guests feel special. Or at least too inebriated to care.
I love the goofy and ridiculous which is why this idea appeals to me. Plus, as an old favorite style for birthday parties, you can get the supplies in a flash (I said flash, not flask). Select a theme from princess to over the hill, there are more options than you can shake a stick at if you visit your local party store.
With two quick trips – to the grocery store and the liquor store – you’ll be all set. You can get the cake, food, sugar and any dietary indulgence at the grocery store. Then stop at the liquor store to load up on a select drink for the day – pink champagne for the princess, your signature martini or some other fruity concoction.
What’s better than combining the fun of a kids noisy party with the noise of drunken adults? Have fun and remember, those pointy had might poke an eye out if you aren’t careful.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Find the you, you used to know
When life gets busy like it has this month, I often look up and realize that life is passing me by. I think I missed October completely and found myself smack dab in the middle of November before I even realized it. The first few weeks of November have been especially busy since I’m working on writing a novel for National Novel Writing Month, planning a trip to Atlanta for some quality friend time and at the same time, preparing for a work related exam on December 1st.
This evening, when I realized I am tired and frazzled, I decided to take a break and get my head back on straight. I gave myself a half hour for this so I was a little rushed but still I feel great now that I’m done.
What could I accomplish in a half hour, you might ask. I found the me I used to be. I pulled out a box of old photos and sifted through them. There I discovered reminders of many of my favorite things in old photos including:
Cocoa Beach with a thunderstorm headed in from the Atlantic
Four friends laughing in front of a pub
Horseback riding when I was about 5
High school – lots of photos from my newspaper days, a smooch with a cute boy (whose name I can’t recall) and laughing with friends
It only took about five minutes of flipping through these photos to relax my shoulders, create a smile and get me ready to get back to work. I’m fairly self-aware so it doesn’t take long to get my head where it needs to be.
When you’re frazzled, a simple reminder of your own past self may be all you need to shift your perspective back in line. Sometimes just getting in touch with the person you are is all you need to get moving and motivated again.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Excerpt: Chapter 5: The Mommy Track
For the right woman, the woman who desires and chooses to be
a mother, motherhood can be an amazing experience. It also can be
exhausting and trying. Being a mom is difficult; it is hard work to
make all the decisions needed to raise a child and it seems to be getting
harder. Douglas and Michaels explained that in a recent poll eightyone
percent of women said it was harder to be a mom now than twenty
years ago. One reason the authors of The Mommy Myth give for this
increased difficulty was that “mothers needed to be the equivalent of
physicians’ assistants, pharmacists, child product safety testers, nutritionists,
crafts people, and district attorneys” because they are now
immersed in “the new risk-saturated world of motherhood…in which
childhood danger became a national fixation.” Mothers are expected
to protect their children from everything from choking to child molesters
all while feeding them organic, home-prepared meals and providing
constantly changing age appropriate toys and games. The pressure
to be a mom comes early in a young woman’s life and she continues
to be inundated throughout her lifetime whether she decides to be a
mom or not.
Nothing in life is perfect including motherhood but I believe
women who make that choice freely are happy with their decision.
They have opened themselves up to new joys and experiences that
cannot be experienced by anyone other than a mother. However,
they trade that joy for the responsibilities and pressures to be perfect.
Women fight the pressure to be perfect on a daily basis and if they
listen to the media they will never succeed. The good news is that the
mothers I met were self-aware enough to avoid the pitfalls of obsession
with media and magazines. They decided instead to be the best
parents they could regardless of what outside sources demand.
a mother, motherhood can be an amazing experience. It also can be
exhausting and trying. Being a mom is difficult; it is hard work to
make all the decisions needed to raise a child and it seems to be getting
harder. Douglas and Michaels explained that in a recent poll eightyone
percent of women said it was harder to be a mom now than twenty
years ago. One reason the authors of The Mommy Myth give for this
increased difficulty was that “mothers needed to be the equivalent of
physicians’ assistants, pharmacists, child product safety testers, nutritionists,
crafts people, and district attorneys” because they are now
immersed in “the new risk-saturated world of motherhood…in which
childhood danger became a national fixation.” Mothers are expected
to protect their children from everything from choking to child molesters
all while feeding them organic, home-prepared meals and providing
constantly changing age appropriate toys and games. The pressure
to be a mom comes early in a young woman’s life and she continues
to be inundated throughout her lifetime whether she decides to be a
mom or not.
Nothing in life is perfect including motherhood but I believe
women who make that choice freely are happy with their decision.
They have opened themselves up to new joys and experiences that
cannot be experienced by anyone other than a mother. However,
they trade that joy for the responsibilities and pressures to be perfect.
Women fight the pressure to be perfect on a daily basis and if they
listen to the media they will never succeed. The good news is that the
mothers I met were self-aware enough to avoid the pitfalls of obsession
with media and magazines. They decided instead to be the best
parents they could regardless of what outside sources demand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
