I spoke with an old friend today. She's another writer who participated in the same writing group as I did for several years near Atlanta. We also went to graduate school together. My friend is a few years younger than me (not yet 30) and she has very strong ties to her family and community. For the last few years she has been tied (not unhappily) to the same area because her family, church community and work were all located there.
My friend didn't complain about this situation. Like I said, she was happy. But she also had the desire to travel to Argentina to work on a project researching and writing about blacks in Argentina. The mix of African and Latin cultures that occurred over centuries after slaves were brought to the new world by European travellers/settlers/explorers.
The project has always sounded interested and over the years it became apparent that this project was my friend's personal passion. She just hadn't been able to get to it. She said she found that it was easy to get caught up in daily life and put off the things you wanted to explore.
When we spoke my friend told me that she has finally filed the paperwork for a Fulbright scholarship that will help send her back to Argentina and help her pursue a PhD in Latin American studies. Both of which will combine to one day create a fascinating book about a unique culture.
What my friend's actions reminded me was that at any time you can choose to follow your dreams. You could wake up tomorrow or even next week and finally find the motivation and inspiration to start making your goals a reality. This is true for anyone at any age.
30 will not change this fact. So if you wake up the day before or after you turn 30 and decide that is the day to start to follow your dreams - you are a step closer than you ever were. Making the decision is the first step and it is never too late to take the first step!
Check out www.keepwriting.org for the writing group's website and writing samples.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Divided Focus
I've been struggling a bit lately with my own goals and moves in life. I wrote yesterday about having a fallback if necessary. When I think about fallbacks I'm looking at careers/jobs. I know people who like to have a guy as a fallback if their current relationship fails or some other interpersonal fallback plan. Personally I don't like thinking about other human beings this way so I hope you realize this was not what I was talking about when I mentioned fallbacks.
The thing is, I probably do have a fallback career. Actually I spend more than 40 hours a week working at my fallback job. And I'm good at it. I like what I do. And again, I am good at it.
The difficulty is that I struggle to balance my two careers. The fallback is only called that because it is the career that pays the bills. I know I will eat next week because of that job so I dedicate the majority of my time and energy there.
Still freelance writing is also a job. It takes up at least 15 hours of my time each week, usually more like 25 hours. When I am tired, or just feeling frustrated, I long to stop dividing my focus, pick a job and dedicate myself to it solely.
There are some flaws in the single minded career focus (which is why I haven't made the leap)
So what about you?
The thing is, I probably do have a fallback career. Actually I spend more than 40 hours a week working at my fallback job. And I'm good at it. I like what I do. And again, I am good at it.
The difficulty is that I struggle to balance my two careers. The fallback is only called that because it is the career that pays the bills. I know I will eat next week because of that job so I dedicate the majority of my time and energy there.
Still freelance writing is also a job. It takes up at least 15 hours of my time each week, usually more like 25 hours. When I am tired, or just feeling frustrated, I long to stop dividing my focus, pick a job and dedicate myself to it solely.
There are some flaws in the single minded career focus (which is why I haven't made the leap)
- Single focus makes us boring
- It's easy to burn out with a single focus
- Any job/career is vulnerable when the economy is unstable
- A single path doesn't allow seemingly random connections to be made between two unrelated subjects
- The stress of a single focus can tie your stomach in knots
So what about you?
Is it possible to divide your career (or your life) focus?
How do working moms handle their divided focus?
Can we really be multidimensional people?
Monday, September 22, 2008
Options and Fallbacks
By now if you've been reading this blog with any regularity you will know at least 2 things about me - nature makes me think and my thinking isn't always linear.
Hopefully you are looking at these photos and asking yourself what they have to do with turning 30. I promise you they are not just images to show you how I spent my vacation. Although, these beach shots were take with my camera phone and I'm a bit impressed by how well they turned out, aren't you?
I took these images while walking along St. Pete Beach in Florida. The weather was in the 90s and the water as warm as a soothing bath. Again, the salty tang of the air relaxed me and got my mind wandering.
While in Florida I noticed things that reminded me about the craziness that is our present economy. My day job is involved with the world of insurance so the AIG fiasco caused a bit of concern for me. Whenever large insurance companies face trauma, the rest of the industry often feels the stress. It wasn't concern for my own career that struck me at this point. Hurricane Ike had just two days before decided to rip through the Texas coast and for me, storms create job security rather than taking it away. I don't say this to be callous, it is just a fact of the industry. Without us, such catastrophes would be even worse than they are now.
But I digress.
What I noticed while in Florida was that the streets were less crowded, as were the restaurants and shopping malls. Upon speaking to a friend who works for the school system in the Central Florida area I learned that families were leaving the area in large numbers. The schools were faced with laying off teachers and staff because the school year began with thousands less students than anticipated from the previous year.
What I noticed while in Florida was that the streets were less crowded, as were the restaurants and shopping malls. Upon speaking to a friend who works for the school system in the Central Florida area I learned that families were leaving the area in large numbers. The schools were faced with laying off teachers and staff because the school year began with thousands less students than anticipated from the previous year.
Some educators were leaving the state because their spouses faced layoffs and were unable to find another job in Florida. Along with Arizona, Florida is one of the hardest hit economies in the country. The housing crash hit hard there after a long and robust boom period.
Construction sites stood empty. Neighborhoods of newly paved streets housing just a single model home were becoming prevalent across the state. What struck me wasn't that this economy was struggling so much. This downturn should have been expected after the price of housing rose to extremes the past few years.
Instead what stuck in my mind was that people were leaving the state, some for the first time in their lives, because of economic hardship. Those who left are making dramatic choices to change the lives of their family.
I am a HUGE advocate of following the path that is right for you, of striking out on your own and taking chances to find the career and life that is best for you. In the years that I have stood behind this position I have always felt that taking the risk was worth it in the long run. I have frustrated friends over the years by advocating such risk taking because I (as a single person) have always been willing to live with the consequences of taking such risks.
NOW HOWEVER, I feel like I should temper my own beliefs. With the economy in turmoil risks may be devastating. I'm not willing to do a complete turn about and suggest that we should all stay where we are and follow the safe path. Right now I'm not sure there is a safe path.
What I am saying is that if turning 30 is adding one more stressor to your life, if an upcoming birthday is making you vacillate between taking risks and staying put, it is okay to stay put. Right now the economic upheaval of our country seems to be growing not leveling out. If you have a fallback, a career or skill that may be safer than your dream job - you are not hurting yourself by deciding to hold off for a while. Your dream job will be more likely to be waiting for you when things turn around. Now is not the time to let the stress or fear of getting older push you to make a drastic change that you or your family may not be ready for.
The most positive thing I can suggest is that like the waves in the photos, the Earth keeps on moving, the economy goes up and down (or in and out to sea) and the next wave is following right behind. For now feel comfortable with staying put if you can; you can catch the next one.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
What path will you take?
I was hiking while on vacation this week. Something about nature and breathing fresh air in the woods just gets me thinking. I don't know if it is getting away from my normal life that motivates me or just slowing down enough to listen to the constant conversation going on in my brain.
The conversation sparked by a two hour trek through the woods to see some waterfalls sparked the completely logical thoughts about paths - those we take, those we avoid and those we stumble upon. With our life paths (as with a path through the woods) we all have choices about how we walk regardless of the path we find ourselves upon.
The first photo you see is the clear path - the one with no obstructions. This path is clearly marked and leads you from point A to B with little trouble or obstruction. This path is also well worn by the many who've walked it before you.
Then there is the the stony path - slightly more treacherous than the clear path because you may come across stones and small hazards along the way.This is often where the woman turning 30 finds herself. She may decide to pause and look at her life because society tells her that the birthday she is facing is a momentous one that should have weight. During this stop we can look at the stones we have passed. Were they large enough to see and avoid (if we were looking down instead of ahead)? Or were they small, almost unnoticeable inconveniences that we stepped over along the way?
Possibly more interesting is the path that takes us across our roots into a new area. Like the roots of a tree that become exposed when the soil around it has suffered from a drought or when the roots grow so large that they can no longer be contained in a single place.
When looking back upon our first 30 years it may help to acknowledge our own root systems. Have they created the life that we enjoy? Or have they tied us to a path we no longer wish to tread?
There is of course another optional path. The bridge that crosses the water, the hardship and the hazards of life. This path may be seen as the one created by outsiders.
It may be convenient, easy even to follow this path, to stride across the bridge into medicine, law or teaching guided by a parent or mentor who seemed to know exactly where we should go in life.
The view from the bridge may be beautiful but we are protected by the rails and sturdy structure provided for us.
I most often feel like this tree.
Because throughout the path my life has taken, I have been able to rely upon the strong roots instilled in me by my family. But I have also had the opportunity to take the wild and twisting wanderings that sparked my interest.
When I am 80 or 90 I hope I can look upon my own hands and see them this gnarled with arthritis and character. I hope that my skin is wrinkled and weathered by the interesting life that I will have led.
So now, at 30, is the time to look upon the path you have tread and the path you want to take in the future.
Start walking.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Headed Home
Until this year I've always lived in the south where fall is a season that lasts anywhere from 2 day to 2 weeks. I'm used to the jump from summer to winter, no transition. Life tends to be that way for me as well - I just jump from one thing to another. I move around every few years because I get bored. I rarely, if ever, get attached to the places where I live. I don't tend to settle into a town or city. It just isn't my way.
This week I noticed that even though the daytime temperatures are still in the 80s (I'm living in Massachusetts this year), the mornings are a little chilly. A few leaves have flutter off the trees but not the full scale dump that is typical fall in Florida that I grew up with. My first exposure to living in a climate that experiences the change in season is that there's a sort of slow meander from one day to the next. It gradually gets cooler, a little at a time, early and late. In a month or two the days will be colder and the sun will be out less often.
Now you probably knew this already. You know how the seasons change, why the change and heck, why the Northeast is vastly different than Florida in terms of climate. But I've discovered that knowing is different than experiencing.
What I've experienced, this small shock to the system, has me itching to head home for a few days. I've been in need of a vacation for some time and I'm just getting around to it. So today, I'm headed home. To Orlando where the temperature is in the 90s, we've missed the threat of Hurricane Ike since it has sailed into the Gulf of Mexico (where it is becoming a threat to someone else, I know).
I've been craving sweltering days when I can walk around in shorts and flop flops with my hair pulled back and not caring what I look like or if anyone notices me. I don't care much about these things the rest of the time either, but I feel like I should. So I end up feeling guilty about not bothering with my hair, makeup or wardrobe half the time. The great thing about going home is that I just don't care what people think so I don't feel guilty. Once I'm in my comfort zone, I tune the rest out.
Returning home makes me feel like a reckless (and rebellious) teenager again. I do believe I will sit by the pool with a margarita in hand and watch the hot guys go by. Maybe I'll even head out to a club, you never know.
The one thing I do know is that for the 5 days I am home, I won't think about work, responsibility or the books I'm writing. I won't think about my age, what turning 30 meant to me or what it might me to you. Instead I will have fun. I hope you can too!
This week I noticed that even though the daytime temperatures are still in the 80s (I'm living in Massachusetts this year), the mornings are a little chilly. A few leaves have flutter off the trees but not the full scale dump that is typical fall in Florida that I grew up with. My first exposure to living in a climate that experiences the change in season is that there's a sort of slow meander from one day to the next. It gradually gets cooler, a little at a time, early and late. In a month or two the days will be colder and the sun will be out less often.
Now you probably knew this already. You know how the seasons change, why the change and heck, why the Northeast is vastly different than Florida in terms of climate. But I've discovered that knowing is different than experiencing.
What I've experienced, this small shock to the system, has me itching to head home for a few days. I've been in need of a vacation for some time and I'm just getting around to it. So today, I'm headed home. To Orlando where the temperature is in the 90s, we've missed the threat of Hurricane Ike since it has sailed into the Gulf of Mexico (where it is becoming a threat to someone else, I know).
I've been craving sweltering days when I can walk around in shorts and flop flops with my hair pulled back and not caring what I look like or if anyone notices me. I don't care much about these things the rest of the time either, but I feel like I should. So I end up feeling guilty about not bothering with my hair, makeup or wardrobe half the time. The great thing about going home is that I just don't care what people think so I don't feel guilty. Once I'm in my comfort zone, I tune the rest out.
Returning home makes me feel like a reckless (and rebellious) teenager again. I do believe I will sit by the pool with a margarita in hand and watch the hot guys go by. Maybe I'll even head out to a club, you never know.
The one thing I do know is that for the 5 days I am home, I won't think about work, responsibility or the books I'm writing. I won't think about my age, what turning 30 meant to me or what it might me to you. Instead I will have fun. I hope you can too!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Starting Over (It's okay to quit)
I've always been a big believer in working hard and striving to accomplish the goals you set for your life. Actively chasing my goals is what motivates me and keeps me comfortable living an independent life. The problem with being this type of goal oriented person is that you can become lost in the goal and not recognize when the goal has changed or no longer suits the person you have become.
What happens if you find yourself approaching 30 and haven't reached your goals? What if you aren't sure you want the same things you did when you created the goals at 20 or 25?
Is it okay to give up? Is it OK to say - I went to medical school to be a doctor and now that I'm practicing I don't know if I like it (or I really hate it)?
Like ready a book that you can't get into. You don't have to fight to get to the end. You can stop, put the book down and sell it to a used book store. Or you can just put the book on your shelf and look at it another day. The same is true for life.
Where we are at 30 doesn't have to be where we will be in the future. 30 is not too old to change careers, start a new path or find a new goal. Don't see this birthday as one to dread, fear or avoid. If it has to be anything more than another day, see is as a chance to evaluate your goals. Put down the book and pick up a new one if you like. Or reaffirm the path you have chosen and dedicate yourself to putting your energy into your goals.
Whatever you do, realize that it is OK to quit if you are unhappy. Don't hold onto something just because it is expected of you or because you feel you should. Instead, if you want to start over, do so with a gusto. Have fun!!
As a side note, if you think you want to change your path but aren't sure which direction to take, consider looking for some information from author Po Bronson. Check his website at http://www.pobronson.com/ or one of his books including What should I do with my life? - a great source for inspiration to motivate you to assess your career and see how others have made changes in their own lives.
If you want something bad enough, go after it and you will achieve it. If and when it's time to start over, do it!
What happens if you find yourself approaching 30 and haven't reached your goals? What if you aren't sure you want the same things you did when you created the goals at 20 or 25?
Is it okay to give up? Is it OK to say - I went to medical school to be a doctor and now that I'm practicing I don't know if I like it (or I really hate it)?
YES!!
YES!!
YES!!
Like ready a book that you can't get into. You don't have to fight to get to the end. You can stop, put the book down and sell it to a used book store. Or you can just put the book on your shelf and look at it another day. The same is true for life.
Where we are at 30 doesn't have to be where we will be in the future. 30 is not too old to change careers, start a new path or find a new goal. Don't see this birthday as one to dread, fear or avoid. If it has to be anything more than another day, see is as a chance to evaluate your goals. Put down the book and pick up a new one if you like. Or reaffirm the path you have chosen and dedicate yourself to putting your energy into your goals.
Whatever you do, realize that it is OK to quit if you are unhappy. Don't hold onto something just because it is expected of you or because you feel you should. Instead, if you want to start over, do so with a gusto. Have fun!!
As a side note, if you think you want to change your path but aren't sure which direction to take, consider looking for some information from author Po Bronson. Check his website at http://www.pobronson.com/ or one of his books including What should I do with my life? - a great source for inspiration to motivate you to assess your career and see how others have made changes in their own lives.
If you want something bad enough, go after it and you will achieve it. If and when it's time to start over, do it!
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