Moving on

I’m sad (and somewhat relieved) to announce that this will be the last entry for this blog. It’s been 5 years since I started working on projects about turning 30. Since then I have maintained this blog for a couple years as well as written and published a book.

Now that I have passed 30 I’ve begun looking forward to something new. I will be working on a new fiction series for the next year or two. I’m ready to move on and find a new challenge.

I’ve had a great time focusing on the positive and energetic benefits of leaving my 20s behind. I hope this blog (and the book) help you find your own successes as you celebrated 30.

I will leave the blog up for about a month before I close it and archive everything. Please feel free to send comments or questions before the site is closed. To keep up with my future projects, check out my primary website, www.cmpetersen.com. I’ll be redesigning the site in the next few months as new projects get up and running.

If you need to reach me, contact me at colette@cmpetersen.com

Have a Happy New Year!

Start a New List

I love the end of the year. I’m a goal setter. I make lists and set new goals at least two or three times a year. But at the end of each year I have a lot of company in my craziness. The rush to loose weight, get organized and/or spend more time with family is strong as we approach a new year.

Embrace this time of year by making your own list. You don’t have to make a negative list of all the things you want to change about yourself. Instead you might consider making a positive list such as one of the following:

Things to be grateful for in 2010
Daring trips I want to take
Friends to catch up with this year
Accept a dare (or few) for my 30s
What I love about my look

Spend a few minutes to think about a fun, new list you can use to begin the New Year!

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 2)

What are your goals for the future?

Thirty is the “beginning of a cool time in [my] kids life…an
interesting decade for development in my career and for development
in our marriage.” I plan to, “find my path and have a better chance
to go out and connect with my husband as a couple.” Jennifer

“I want to get my schedule under control so I can make more money
doing what I’m doing, spend more time towards my work and still be
able to stay home. I would like to have a savings account, something
to fall back on.” Jessica M.

“To build a six-figure residual income on ten-fifteen hours of effort
per week, have children before I am forty, and a home to stay and
play with them in.” Keri

Make today the first day of the new you

The day after Christmas is often a shopping day or a crash day. Personally, I’m not willing to brave the chaos of after holiday shopping just for a sale. This is especially true when it comes to buying stuff I’ll have to store for months. I just don’t have the room.

One thing I’ve always loved to do after the holiday is have myself a little fashion show. I usually clean out my closet in order to make room for new clothes I received as gifts. While doing this I try on what I have, sometimes seeing items I’ve forgotten I ever had. I try on the old and the new clothes. Then I give a little twirl and decide what to keep.

Occasionally I find that at some earlier time I purchased clothes I thought I wanted but then realized they don’t suit my personal style. This year, instead of tossing out those items without every wearing them, I’m going to take a try at a new me.

I’ve pulled out 3 outfits from my closet that I thought I would wear, much classier, and a little more color than I usually wear. My challenge is to wear each of these outfits next week. Well, truthfully, I will wear two of them. It’s a little too cold for the third (capri pants) so that outfit will wait for spring.

I’ve decided to make today the first day of a new me, a more daring me (at least when it comes to wardrobe). What will you do to make today the first day of something new?

Get off the guilt train

Family guilt is one of my least favorite aspects of life. Personally, I hate the winter holidays for this reason. Since I was ten years old I have had to deal with the stress of split holidays with divorced parents. While I was lucky enough to grow up in close proximity to all of my grandparents, this actually added to stress around holiday time.

A lot of kids drool at the thought of celebrating Christmas three or four times each year. That is, until it happens to them. Splitting time, soothing hurt feelings and dealing with the competition and one-upmanship of family all trying to get the best gift, does not make for a relaxing or enjoyable time.

Once I reached adulthood I began to find ways to avoid going home fort he holidays. Now that I live 1200 miles from home, it’s a little easier. You see my family would never head my direction for the holiday. I don’t really have the space and I live where it’s cold (they live in Florida). Plus being in my 30s, I have a job that doesn’t always make it easy to travel during the holidays. Almost everyone wants that time of year off for vacation. I usually don’t mind being the one to stay behind in the office. In fact I often get tons done while everything is quiet.

The only difficulty I have not going home for the holidays is the guilt. I don’t really feel the guilt on my own. It tends to be pushed on me from outside – siblings, parents, grandparents, etc.
This year I am staying home in my apartment with a stack of books and a frozen pizza. I’ve decided to make all the phone calls on Christmas Eve then put the phone away for the holiday. My goal is to enjoy the day guilt-free.

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 1)

What are your goals for the future?

“Teach or start an environmental initiative on self sustained energy
for towns.” Nikki

“Long healthy marriage and a strong family (with lots of family
gatherings and grandkids).” Jocelyn

“I want to get married and have kids and travel. I want to start
traveling this summer…I want to go everywhere.” Robin

“I want to continue to touch readers. I think that’s really one of the
most powerful things to get email from readers in various countries
that read your stories online…and to connect with people that
I otherwise wouldn’t connect with. Maybe to write for a bigger
newspaper or magazine someday. Certainly to travel; I’ve always
wanted to go back to my parents’ native country which is Iran. To fall
in love with my best friend and to have a couple of kids.” Jessica Y.

“To be able to have money in retirement, money in savings, have
spending money to be able to travel and relax and not have to work
so hard.” Rachel

Being “able to be around people I love to be around, doing
something purposeful in life, setting my own schedule…help people
and be comfortable financially.” Lorelie

Excerpt: Chapter 3: Redefining Success

Redefining Success

One of the central aims of this project was to define what it means
to be a successful woman turning thirty in the United States. I was
lucky that in the year I spent working on this project I met exceptional
women who defined success on their own terms and for their own
lives. I believe that success is not about money or prestige; it is not
about a person’s status in life.

Instead success is an internal experience. Success at thirty for me
means being comfortable with myself and the choices I have made.
Each woman has her own definition of success. The women featured
in these pages define their own success instead of worrying about conforming
to society’s, their mothers’, or even their best friends’ ideas of
success. Being successful when turning thirty is not about reaching an
end and having fulfilled all your goals; there is more life yet to be lived.
Instead, being successful at thirty is about life in progress and working
toward that “favorable outcome.” The women in this book - real,
average women, not superstars, show that success is what you make
of your own life, not what anyone else or society at large thinks you
should be. Generally happiness and security were the central themes
in the definitions provided by the project participants. Perhaps Symphony
said it best when she said she is a success “because I have found
a happy place to live and happy way to live and have overcome many
obstacles.” The traditionalists agree that they are successful because
they are happy with traditional roles. Chelsea said, “I have married a
good man and I have great kids that are the center of my world. We
have a safe place to live and don’t want for much.” Amanda echoed
the sentiment when she said, “I feel I am [successful] because I have
a great family, a great husband, a wonderful daughter. We both have
good jobs, we’re comfortable.” After reading Levinson I was pleased
to meet women who loved their traditional lifestyle and made their
lives successful.

Excerpt: Chapter 9

What Makes a Milestone

A milestone can be defined as a significant point in development.
That’s it, just a significant moment. It doesn’t have to be a decade
birthday or a life changing event, just a significant one. For many of
the participants there was nothing significant about turning thirty. It
was just another birthday whether they looked forward to it or not.
Instead of seeing thirty as a milestone I asked the participants to create
their own definition of what makes a milestone in a woman’s life. I
enjoyed their responses.

Some of our most significant moments include our relationships
with men. Those relationships impacted the responses provided by
some participants. Lori considered independence to be a milestone.
She said, “Figuring out your life without a man. It’s ok, really. Your
arms and legs don’t fall off,” was significant for her life. Realizing
she could be on her own and happy is a struggle for many women, yet
it’s a relief once they get there and decide not to obsess about finding
the perfect partner. Plenty of us realized by thirty that perfect cannot
be found by looking. Another significant moment involves having
children. Lynn explained, “If I could decide what makes a milestone
for a woman’s life it would be becoming a mommy…biological
or adopted.” The responsibility and joy of motherhood change all
aspects of a woman’s life. It is impossible to become a mom without
changing because the new person in your life supersedes your previous
priorities.

Excerpt: Chapter 9: Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance

By far the most common milestone discussed by the participants
was self acceptance. Lorelie credited accepting and letting go of
her past as central to moving forward to her future. No matter what
expression was used (being comfortable in your own skin, at peace
with your life choices, happy with who you see in the mirror and many
others) the goal is the same. Being who you are and feeling happy
with that person is a milestone women across the country strive for.
Jennifer said that her milestones are all wrapped up together and each
was necessary for the whole of who she is.

Self acceptance may be reached at any time along the lifespan.
There are some self-possessed people who come out of the womb
knowing who they are and where they’re going. They are the women
who make the rest of us feel inadequate without doing anything at all
and don’t know why others feel inferior. For the rest of us self acceptance
is a process. We go through periods such as childhood and our
early twenties just living with little thought to the future or the big
picture. There are carefree times when we are too busy doing to obsess
about our lives.

There are however, times when self absorption is necessary.

Now might be that time.

Friends know you best

I once had a friend who I could call after six months of not talking and pick up like we had spoken just yesterday. People were often surprised that we could live across the country from each other and not talk but still be thick as thieves the minute the phone rang. This friendship lasted for 10 years. During that time, we only lived in the same state for the first six months or so. We lived about an hour way for the last six months as well.

In fact, being close and talking all the time contributed to the destruction of that particular friendship.

In most cases friends are the people who know us best, especially as we get older. Many of us become distant with our families as we move away from home. Others get caught up in starting new families which can create barriers to making new friends and letting people into our lives.

But it is the old friends, the ones who’ve been with us through thick, thin and everything in between who become our touchstones in life. Friends are those who’ve kept up with the changes in our lives and they know the people we’ve become. Often they experienced the growing pains right along with us.

I’m visiting friends this week, spending the holidays with them instead of my family this year. My family is a little scattered so I’ve been given the chance to do something different this year. The beauty of hanging out with friends during a holiday is that I don’t have to make excuses if I want to go home or be alone at some point. My friends know me well enough to understand my moods and my tendency to spend time on my own. They also don’t have the urge to guilt trip me.

Excerpt: Chapter 10

What's Next

By turning thirty many of us realized that the twenties were all
about learning and making mistakes but our thirties will be about living
life on our own terms. Finding and living by our own rules were
frequent suggestions provided by the participants. Heather advised,
“Search within yourself to find out what’s important to you, what
you value the most and then spend your time and energy on that and
really…make time.” Jessica Y. agreed women should “stop living for
other people, make sure you’re living for your self…Give thanks for
what you do have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.” Our
thirties will be the time to continue to discover who we are and how to
make our dreams come true.

The key for anyone feeling restless or unfulfilled at thirty is be
honest with yourself to determine what it is you want then make the
changes. Nancy suggested, “If [you] have something that they’ve
always wanted to do try to get it done so that way you feel a little
bit more accomplished when you turn thirty.” In order to avoid
being stagnant we must be willing to change. Don’t be afraid of
the unknown. The only way to improve is to change. Bonnie Fuller
argued, “If you’re only thirty, for instance, and feel you’re never
going to change your hairstyle or your lipstick color or your ideas,
you’re not going to look like Christie Brinkley does at fifty. You’ll
look like Christie Brinkley’s mother. You have to have the courage
to change and evolve, no matter what your age.” She spent her career
taking chances and helping magazine change with their audience and
the culture as a whole. What Bonnie Fuller did for YM and Star magazines
– making them stand out as quick successes – you can do for
your own life if only you are willing to embrace change and go after
what you want. Jennifer explained that you have to listen to your
inner voice because it will point you to the correct path. She said, “It
was only when I started tuning in to that inner voice that I became
very happy and content with my life.”

Pointy hats and balloons

Do you remember your childhood birthday parties? I’m assuming (and hoping) that you had them. I realize not everyone has good memories of childhood birthdays. So this part suggestion is for those who did.

Go classic for your 30th celebration with the pointy hats, Mylar balloons (complete with helium tank) and noise makers. Get into the celebration hanging streamers and purchasing matching plates, cups and napkins. Heck, go for the party favors too. Feel free to choose adult favors if you prefer. A can of red bull, mini vodka bottle and some fancy chocolate are sure to make your party guests feel special. Or at least too inebriated to care.

I love the goofy and ridiculous which is why this idea appeals to me. Plus, as an old favorite style for birthday parties, you can get the supplies in a flash (I said flash, not flask). Select a theme from princess to over the hill, there are more options than you can shake a stick at if you visit your local party store.

With two quick trips – to the grocery store and the liquor store – you’ll be all set. You can get the cake, food, sugar and any dietary indulgence at the grocery store. Then stop at the liquor store to load up on a select drink for the day – pink champagne for the princess, your signature martini or some other fruity concoction.

What’s better than combining the fun of a kids noisy party with the noise of drunken adults? Have fun and remember, those pointy had might poke an eye out if you aren’t careful.

Find the you, you used to know

When life gets busy like it has this month, I often look up and realize that life is passing me by. I think I missed October completely and found myself smack dab in the middle of November before I even realized it. The first few weeks of November have been especially busy since I’m working on writing a novel for National Novel Writing Month, planning a trip to Atlanta for some quality friend time and at the same time, preparing for a work related exam on December 1st.

This evening, when I realized I am tired and frazzled, I decided to take a break and get my head back on straight. I gave myself a half hour for this so I was a little rushed but still I feel great now that I’m done.

What could I accomplish in a half hour, you might ask. I found the me I used to be. I pulled out a box of old photos and sifted through them. There I discovered reminders of many of my favorite things in old photos including:

Cocoa Beach with a thunderstorm headed in from the Atlantic
Four friends laughing in front of a pub
Horseback riding when I was about 5
High school – lots of photos from my newspaper days, a smooch with a cute boy (whose name I can’t recall) and laughing with friends

It only took about five minutes of flipping through these photos to relax my shoulders, create a smile and get me ready to get back to work. I’m fairly self-aware so it doesn’t take long to get my head where it needs to be.

When you’re frazzled, a simple reminder of your own past self may be all you need to shift your perspective back in line. Sometimes just getting in touch with the person you are is all you need to get moving and motivated again.

Excerpt: Chapter 5: The Mommy Track

For the right woman, the woman who desires and chooses to be
a mother, motherhood can be an amazing experience. It also can be
exhausting and trying. Being a mom is difficult; it is hard work to
make all the decisions needed to raise a child and it seems to be getting
harder. Douglas and Michaels explained that in a recent poll eightyone
percent of women said it was harder to be a mom now than twenty
years ago. One reason the authors of The Mommy Myth give for this
increased difficulty was that “mothers needed to be the equivalent of
physicians’ assistants, pharmacists, child product safety testers, nutritionists,
crafts people, and district attorneys” because they are now
immersed in “the new risk-saturated world of motherhood…in which
childhood danger became a national fixation.” Mothers are expected
to protect their children from everything from choking to child molesters
all while feeding them organic, home-prepared meals and providing
constantly changing age appropriate toys and games. The pressure
to be a mom comes early in a young woman’s life and she continues
to be inundated throughout her lifetime whether she decides to be a
mom or not.

Nothing in life is perfect including motherhood but I believe
women who make that choice freely are happy with their decision.
They have opened themselves up to new joys and experiences that
cannot be experienced by anyone other than a mother. However,
they trade that joy for the responsibilities and pressures to be perfect.
Women fight the pressure to be perfect on a daily basis and if they
listen to the media they will never succeed. The good news is that the
mothers I met were self-aware enough to avoid the pitfalls of obsession
with media and magazines. They decided instead to be the best
parents they could regardless of what outside sources demand.

Celebrate with family

I often write from the single perspective since that’s the only one I have. On occasion I need to be reminded to think about the couples and mommies out there. So for today’s celebration idea, I’ve decided to focus on a family flair. Typically my favorite family gathering is the backyard barbecue. Warm weather, burgers and kids running around outside relaxes me. However, I realize it’s November and most of us live in colder climates and it’s a little too chilly for a barbecue this weekend.
Still, the month of November tends to be a family focused month for me, something about pie and Thanksgiving. Consider one of the following ideas to have a family celebration for turning 30.

Let’s the kids decide. Kids love to get involved. If yours are old enough to do a little planning, consider letting them make the plans. Maybe daddy can help them make pancakes for a breakfast in bed. Or mini-golf might be your kids’ idea of fun with mom and dad.

Stay in and get cozy. When life get’s hectic a night at home in front of the television might be just what the doctor ordered for your birthday celebration. Grab a family friendly movie, butter up some popcorn and sprawl out with your loved ones for a cozy celebration.

Candlelit dinner for two. If your family is made of two, consider a romantic birthday party. Order take out from your favorite restaurant, combine that with a bottle of champagne, a sexy husband and you’ll have a recipe for appreciation and joy. Having your love’s full attention for a night of romance eases any aches turning 30 might cause.

The keys to a family celebration are fairly simple, strive for relaxed, casual, fun and simple. Get everyone involved so they can do the heavy lifting, then settle in and enjoy the celebration of you, the birthday girl.

Just a few questions

I was rereading a book I mentioned a long time ago, Book of Ages: 30, and I started thinking – it might be time to ask a few questions. The book states some averages that give you an idea of where you are in comparison with the rest of the universe turning 30.

For example,
“4,211,541 Americans will turn 30 this year
83% carry debt - median balance $26,500
50% have a credit card balance - median bal $2,100
1 in 33 – 30-year-old men is a virgin
1 in 25 – 30-year-old women is a virgin”

For more information, check out the book or the web site at http://www.bookofages.com

Back to my questions:
So how is your sex life?
Are you more active than others, or less?
How about your money?
With the recent recession, are you drowning, surviving or thriving?

I’m in the mood to get some perspective in my life, so I started asking these questions. Then I looked in the book to see where I stand. Let’s just say there’s good news and bad news and now I’ve got to make a few changes on the bad news.

Where do you stand?

Excerpt: Meet Nikki

Nikki is a bright woman who has learned a great deal about
herself in the past few years. Born in Knoxville, Tennessee,
she now lives with her husband in Sterling, Virginia. The couple
has been married less than one year and she said her marriage was
her most important milestone to date. Nikki explained that she feels
she is on her way to being successful. She defined success as “happiness
and peace with ones accomplishments.” She stated she does
not feel totally there because she is “working in a soulless job.” She
works as an environmental consultant for various government agencies
and consults about environmental toxicology. For now her job
“means nothing but a paycheck” to her because she reviews and evaluates
data to create risk assessments for environmental organizations
instead of helping others or working on an environmental initiative.

She tutors biology in her free time. She has found tutoring to be
more fulfilling than her day job and wants one day to focus on teaching
full time. She has not decided if she will go back to college to
obtain her Doctorate to be able to teach college students or if she
will pursue her teaching certificate to teach secondary biology. Being
a “nerdy scientist [who] liked to explore things” during her childhood
is something she said she wants to share with a new generation.
She explained that education “is crucial to existence, everyone should
have access and everyone should get the same opportunities.”

Take an adventure

Some people just don’t like to celebrate birthdays. I understand that bad memories, apathy and even busy lives can often keep you from celebrating. If a celebration isn’t you style, you might consider taking an adventure instead. Every life benefits from an adventure now and again.

Your idea of adventure might be wanted the rain forests of Brazil, playing craps in Las Vegas or just wearing a mini skirt to church on Sunday. Take a minute to consider what would make you feel daring. If your best friend were to dare you to do something, what would that thing be?

My best friend has dared me to anything from flash truck drivers and kiss random firemen at a parade to talking to strangers on the bus. It’s possible that my daring isn’t as daring as yours. That’s okay.

For you, daring might be asking your boss for a raise or asking the cute coffee guy for an extra sprinkle. Whatever you’re limits are, consider for one day, stretching and surpassing them. Our 30s will be full of adventure so we might as well get off to a great start.

Make a list of 5 things you would consider an adventure. If you can’t think of anything, ask your best friend to think of 5 dares. Write them down, then for your birthday, go out and do them.

If you can’t take a travel adventure – because really, a weekend in Paris sounds like an adventure to me – then choose an adventure closer to home. Whatever you do, just do something daring.

Your heart will pound, your blood will move and in the end, you’ll laugh your ass off!

Excerpt: What Does it mean to have it all?

“For me it’s being well rounded, that you have enough.” Heather


“To be able to look at your life and realize you are blessed and you
are happy.” Lori


Having it all means that “all the key parts need to be there and be
balanced in order for me to be happy.” Jennifer


“To have happiness and to have everything that I need, a loving,
caring dedicated husband, a supportive family and not to have any
worries.” Bobi


“Strong family life and being comfortable with who you are as a
person. You need to prioritize. To me family is the most important
thing. When I start having children, my main priority will be to focus
on them first (career second). It is important to realize that material
things are not the most important thing.” Jocelyn


“Having it all means there is no one controlling your time or your
money. When your time belongs to you and you only answer to
yourself, and you have enough money to make use of your time, then
your cup should runneth over.” Keri

National Novel Writing Month begins