Start a New List

I love the end of the year. I’m a goal setter. I make lists and set new goals at least two or three times a year. But at the end of each year I have a lot of company in my craziness. The rush to loose weight, get organized and/or spend more time with family is strong as we approach a new year.

Embrace this time of year by making your own list. You don’t have to make a negative list of all the things you want to change about yourself. Instead you might consider making a positive list such as one of the following:

Things to be grateful for in 2010
Daring trips I want to take
Friends to catch up with this year
Accept a dare (or few) for my 30s
What I love about my look

Spend a few minutes to think about a fun, new list you can use to begin the New Year!

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 2)

What are your goals for the future?

Thirty is the “beginning of a cool time in [my] kids life…an
interesting decade for development in my career and for development
in our marriage.” I plan to, “find my path and have a better chance
to go out and connect with my husband as a couple.” Jennifer

“I want to get my schedule under control so I can make more money
doing what I’m doing, spend more time towards my work and still be
able to stay home. I would like to have a savings account, something
to fall back on.” Jessica M.

“To build a six-figure residual income on ten-fifteen hours of effort
per week, have children before I am forty, and a home to stay and
play with them in.” Keri

Make today the first day of the new you

The day after Christmas is often a shopping day or a crash day. Personally, I’m not willing to brave the chaos of after holiday shopping just for a sale. This is especially true when it comes to buying stuff I’ll have to store for months. I just don’t have the room.

One thing I’ve always loved to do after the holiday is have myself a little fashion show. I usually clean out my closet in order to make room for new clothes I received as gifts. While doing this I try on what I have, sometimes seeing items I’ve forgotten I ever had. I try on the old and the new clothes. Then I give a little twirl and decide what to keep.

Occasionally I find that at some earlier time I purchased clothes I thought I wanted but then realized they don’t suit my personal style. This year, instead of tossing out those items without every wearing them, I’m going to take a try at a new me.

I’ve pulled out 3 outfits from my closet that I thought I would wear, much classier, and a little more color than I usually wear. My challenge is to wear each of these outfits next week. Well, truthfully, I will wear two of them. It’s a little too cold for the third (capri pants) so that outfit will wait for spring.

I’ve decided to make today the first day of a new me, a more daring me (at least when it comes to wardrobe). What will you do to make today the first day of something new?

Get off the guilt train

Family guilt is one of my least favorite aspects of life. Personally, I hate the winter holidays for this reason. Since I was ten years old I have had to deal with the stress of split holidays with divorced parents. While I was lucky enough to grow up in close proximity to all of my grandparents, this actually added to stress around holiday time.

A lot of kids drool at the thought of celebrating Christmas three or four times each year. That is, until it happens to them. Splitting time, soothing hurt feelings and dealing with the competition and one-upmanship of family all trying to get the best gift, does not make for a relaxing or enjoyable time.

Once I reached adulthood I began to find ways to avoid going home fort he holidays. Now that I live 1200 miles from home, it’s a little easier. You see my family would never head my direction for the holiday. I don’t really have the space and I live where it’s cold (they live in Florida). Plus being in my 30s, I have a job that doesn’t always make it easy to travel during the holidays. Almost everyone wants that time of year off for vacation. I usually don’t mind being the one to stay behind in the office. In fact I often get tons done while everything is quiet.

The only difficulty I have not going home for the holidays is the guilt. I don’t really feel the guilt on my own. It tends to be pushed on me from outside – siblings, parents, grandparents, etc.
This year I am staying home in my apartment with a stack of books and a frozen pizza. I’ve decided to make all the phone calls on Christmas Eve then put the phone away for the holiday. My goal is to enjoy the day guilt-free.

Excerpt: What are your goals for the future? (part 1)

What are your goals for the future?

“Teach or start an environmental initiative on self sustained energy
for towns.” Nikki

“Long healthy marriage and a strong family (with lots of family
gatherings and grandkids).” Jocelyn

“I want to get married and have kids and travel. I want to start
traveling this summer…I want to go everywhere.” Robin

“I want to continue to touch readers. I think that’s really one of the
most powerful things to get email from readers in various countries
that read your stories online…and to connect with people that
I otherwise wouldn’t connect with. Maybe to write for a bigger
newspaper or magazine someday. Certainly to travel; I’ve always
wanted to go back to my parents’ native country which is Iran. To fall
in love with my best friend and to have a couple of kids.” Jessica Y.

“To be able to have money in retirement, money in savings, have
spending money to be able to travel and relax and not have to work
so hard.” Rachel

Being “able to be around people I love to be around, doing
something purposeful in life, setting my own schedule…help people
and be comfortable financially.” Lorelie

Excerpt: Chapter 3: Redefining Success

Redefining Success

One of the central aims of this project was to define what it means
to be a successful woman turning thirty in the United States. I was
lucky that in the year I spent working on this project I met exceptional
women who defined success on their own terms and for their own
lives. I believe that success is not about money or prestige; it is not
about a person’s status in life.

Instead success is an internal experience. Success at thirty for me
means being comfortable with myself and the choices I have made.
Each woman has her own definition of success. The women featured
in these pages define their own success instead of worrying about conforming
to society’s, their mothers’, or even their best friends’ ideas of
success. Being successful when turning thirty is not about reaching an
end and having fulfilled all your goals; there is more life yet to be lived.
Instead, being successful at thirty is about life in progress and working
toward that “favorable outcome.” The women in this book - real,
average women, not superstars, show that success is what you make
of your own life, not what anyone else or society at large thinks you
should be. Generally happiness and security were the central themes
in the definitions provided by the project participants. Perhaps Symphony
said it best when she said she is a success “because I have found
a happy place to live and happy way to live and have overcome many
obstacles.” The traditionalists agree that they are successful because
they are happy with traditional roles. Chelsea said, “I have married a
good man and I have great kids that are the center of my world. We
have a safe place to live and don’t want for much.” Amanda echoed
the sentiment when she said, “I feel I am [successful] because I have
a great family, a great husband, a wonderful daughter. We both have
good jobs, we’re comfortable.” After reading Levinson I was pleased
to meet women who loved their traditional lifestyle and made their
lives successful.

Excerpt: Chapter 9

What Makes a Milestone

A milestone can be defined as a significant point in development.
That’s it, just a significant moment. It doesn’t have to be a decade
birthday or a life changing event, just a significant one. For many of
the participants there was nothing significant about turning thirty. It
was just another birthday whether they looked forward to it or not.
Instead of seeing thirty as a milestone I asked the participants to create
their own definition of what makes a milestone in a woman’s life. I
enjoyed their responses.

Some of our most significant moments include our relationships
with men. Those relationships impacted the responses provided by
some participants. Lori considered independence to be a milestone.
She said, “Figuring out your life without a man. It’s ok, really. Your
arms and legs don’t fall off,” was significant for her life. Realizing
she could be on her own and happy is a struggle for many women, yet
it’s a relief once they get there and decide not to obsess about finding
the perfect partner. Plenty of us realized by thirty that perfect cannot
be found by looking. Another significant moment involves having
children. Lynn explained, “If I could decide what makes a milestone
for a woman’s life it would be becoming a mommy…biological
or adopted.” The responsibility and joy of motherhood change all
aspects of a woman’s life. It is impossible to become a mom without
changing because the new person in your life supersedes your previous
priorities.