Room Mate??

One of the best things about being in your 20s is that it is common to have roommates. It is acceptable at that age to experiment with living with different people be they casual acquaintances, friends or even lovers who you share your space with. In college and the years directly following I had roommates of both sexes - sometimes one, sometimes more. My circumstances changed whenever the wind blew - or a roommate got on my nerves, wouldn't take out the trash or the lease was up.

In our 20s this easy flexibility is common and fundamental to our learning what we can and cannot live with. I believe that living with roommates (similar to growing up with siblings) prepares us for sharing and consideration of others that are fundamental to marriage and having children.

Still what's fun and common in our 20s is not so in our 30s.

Personally I went without a roommate from age 24 to 30 and I LOVE living alone. I'm spoiled by the ability to spread out and get comfortable in my surroundings and leave my mess with no thought to anyone else. From 30 -31 I lived with my brother because we both needed some help with the finances and sharing an apartment allowed us some financial freedom. Luckily we get along and weren't home at the same time very often. Still as soon as the lease was up I got my own place and am back to living alone and HAPPY about it.

So the question becomes AM I JUST SPOILED by the desire to live alone or does being over 30 mean that roommates are passe??

Is 30 just TOO OLD for a roommate?

George Carlin

In honor of George Carlin's passing I considered one of his most famous monologues about aging. It pertains to this blog specifically...

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. "

Maybe Carlin had it right 30 makes us turn whether it's turning old, turning out of date, turning bad, turning sour, turning bitter... The list could go on BUT IT WON'T!!

How about some good turns? I think I will

• Turn over a new leaf
• Turn someone on
• Turn heads
• Turn left for a new direction
• Turn the world around
• Turn into a complete women
• Turn into the love of his life

What will Turning 30 turn you into??

Career in Gear 2

I found an interesting checklist on Monster.com in the Career Advice section. If you are at a crossroads or thinking about making a change 30 is a great time. Visit Monster.com for some light reading about self-assessments, networking and other considerations you should review before making any major changes.

Think about the following list of needs/desires. Which matter to you? Do you have other priorities? Consider this list or one like it then ask yourself - does my current job give me the things on this list I want? Will a career change give me these things?

Have power or authority
Travel
A great paycheck
Be your own boss & independent
Work in a fast-paced environment
Have regular work hours
Set your own hours or workday
Make ends meet financially
Have social status
Be an expert
Have recognition & honors
Get ready for work in less than 10 minutes (have a dress code or uniform)
Work outside
Work in a constant 70 degree environment
Work on the edge
Have variety every day
Help others
Work for a cause
Live/work in a city or suburb or rural area
Have time for fun
Get lost in your work

Whatever you do - go, stay, ponder your navel - doesn't matter to me. Just think about it first & know why you are making your decision instead of panicking because of an age others consider a milestone.

Career in Gear

One of the greatest areas of frustration for the woman approaching her 30th birthday is the fear that she hasn't accomplished everything she set out to do. When we graduate from high school and maybe even college there is this feeling that not only are we invincible but we are destined for greatness. The form of that greatness varies but we believe that we will be successful, have the American dream and have fabulous lives.

At the same time we think 30 is so far on the horizon that we'll be ancient by the time we get there. These two viewpoints coalesce to create 30 as a kind of deadline for getting that fabulous success. There is nothing to this deadline. It is arbitrary and immature.

How many things that you did at 18 or 22 can you say were real adult life plan activities? 1, 2, none?? Whatever your number why are you sticking to it now? Why are you panicking because your 18 year old self said you should be a millionaire by this birthday???

Now is the time to change your viewpoint. For the average woman (and even a few of the spectacular ones) 30 is actually the time to get your career in gear. This is the time when you've started to find your footing and where you want to be. You've started to create future goals and hopefully started a 401k to plan for retirement (and maybe an account to save for the kids college fund). 30 is the time when promotion opportunities abound if you are willing to look for them and take risks.

So how will you get your career in gear???

Contain Yourself

I mentioned earlier this week that I planned a trip to The Container Store today. I have to admit, I love this place. Everytime I walk in I find new ideas for organizing and inspiration for making my life and my living space more comfortable and interesting.

I came home with jewelry and office organizers that I spent several hours putting to good use. My jewelry is organized and for the first time since I moved in January my office floor is not covered with paperwork and stuff to be organized.

What does my shopping have to do with Turning 30 you ask - good question.

I came to some realization while shopping among the brightly colored office supplies and storage bins - sometimes you just need to pretty up the package in order to get everything right on the inside. I'm not saying that beauty is what matters or that a new outfit will change your life.

What I mean is that sometimes you have to do something for yourself to get the ball rolling. I rewarded the work involved with organizing my office with some great containers. The containers served to motivate me as well as to keep my office neat and fun.

When facing a tough challenge, including whether to make life changes or just feeling confident in yourself, take the little steps to bring a smile to your eyes.

Buy a purse

Have a pedicure

By boxes to get organized

Clean out your closet

Organize the spice rack

Work

Today I'm in the mood to talk about work. One of the reasons that some people panic about their 30th birthday is that they are having career issues, either

1. They are not where they want to be in their lives, or
2. They don't know what they want to be when they grow up

Whatever causes the crisis work is an important priority for many women. For many of us our work is a fundamental to our identity so if we are insecure or uncomfortable with our work life how can we be comfortable with our age?

If you are considering crisis or feeling stressed take some time to think about your work. Be honest with yourself and consider if the work you are doing is work that you love or hate. Is your job a step on the path to something greater or just another step in the wrong direction?

If you aren't sure consider a book such as

What Should I do with my life? by Po Bronson

I Don't Know what I want, But I Know it's Not This by Julie Jansen

Do What You Are: Discover the Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul D. Teiger & Barbara Barron

Any of these books will help you find some tools for finding the direction for your work life.

Consider some reading material if you have a chance. We'll talk later about how to get a handle on your work desires and prioritize your plan for the future.

Clean House & Containers

This week I caught up my DVR watching with an all day marathon of Clean House. I absorbed all the tips for decorating and organizing then found myself craving new bins and baskets to organize my life. What I came away with was a bit of motivation.

I'm planning a trip to The Container Store this weekend for additional motivation.

I've been struggling for a while staying motivated and positive so the tiniest spark of inspiration was enough for me. What does it take to motivate you?

There's nothing wrong with having a bad day, whether it's because you have a birthday coming or it's been raining nonstop for a week. It doesn't matter what brings you down, it happens to everyone. The difference between the happy and content people and the miserable people is how they react to the rough times.

So if you have a bad day or a bad moment when considering your birthday DO NOT PANIC and do not add to your stress. Instead choose to alter your perspective and motivate yourself back on track.

Will it be some new organizing tools?

How about a new cake pan or cooking tool for the chef in you?

Maybe a new CD or collection added to your iPod?

Whatever it takes to bring a little sunshine into your day, indulge!!

Favorite Birthday

If you've been following along you know I love birthdays - not just my own. All this thinking and wondering about age causes me to spend a lot of time thinking about birthdays. The question in mind for today is

What was your favorite birthday (so far)?

The common ones come up - 13, 16 maybe 21? What was it for you?

For me I have to say I chose a classic - 16.
To be honest I'm not sure I recall the exact day. What I recall is the feeling of being 16.

I had a job to pay for gas and my dad gave me a car. A pickup truck actually. My first car was an 1985 Dodge pickup truck, it was tiny and it was red. Sometimes I would leave work and find a parking lot where I could hang out with friends or even just lay in the truck bed and watch the night hang around me.

I loved that car not because it was an impressive machine (it wasn't). I loved the freedom that came with having my own transportation. Yes that freedom was tempered by responsibility - needing to have a job, being designated driver for my younger brother who needed a ride to school or baseball practice or even having to learn how to change the tires and oil. BUT freedom it was. I could go where I wanted and explore the world around me.

16 was one of my first forays into adulthood. I became responsible for paying for things, earning an income and making choices that could impact the rest of my life. I made some bad ones I admit but how great is it that at 16 I had the chance to make some bad choices without suffering lifelong consequences? Maybe I drove when I was too tired or had one drink to many. Maybe I let people ride in the back of the truck while driving to the beach - even though my dad told me not to. Maybe I tested my limits.

I had my first and hopefully only accident in that car. I learned to be careful, to pay attention and that actions have consequences. I spend years paying for the repairs to that truck but the lesson I learned was worth every penny.

What was your favorite birthday? Will you one day look back on this time in your life and decide that 30 was the one, the day when you found yourself or developed confidence?

Midlife Crisis at 30

Last month I said I would talk about some of the books I read when researching what it means to turn 30 for modern women. One of those books is

Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes have Changed for a New Generation-And What to Do About It by Lia Macko & Kerry Rubin.

What's NOT to like about this book:

1. Turning 30 is presented as a crisis. Instead of presenting women turning 30 as successful or empowered or even just hardworking and ambitious, the book offers that we are all part of a "series of parallel individual meltdowns" instead of actively progressing like our mothers did when they were fighting for equal pay and freedom from our bras.
2. They rely heavily upon research by Daniel Levinson (Season's of a Woman's Life - which I will eventually discuss when I have the energy) including quoting him when he states the following:

• More women enter therapy at 30 than at any other point in their lives.
• Thirty is a milestone at which you realize the dress rehearsal is over - this is your real life.

3. They tear us down before trying to build us back up. I understand that any inspiring, self-help styled book has to do this. It is the genre formula. Tear them down, make them miserable and doubting of themselves and their lives - then tell them they can be better. How depressing is it that books cannot be inspiring and positive without first making readers want to hide in their closet.

What is good about this book:

1. The introduction starts out positive, aware of the benefits of growing up with mothers who actively took part in making the world a better place to be a woman. The second sentence states "Over the past 30 years...what it means to be a successful woman has changed completely." With this - I agree.

2. Glimpses into our future. The one redeeming quality of this book is found in the second half. The authors introduce readers to women who have reached 30 and found success. These are women who were usually starting a career or pursuing one path at 30 and progressed later to find their success, some in different fields altogether. Their list included short bios for the women who became successful be they senators, artists, writers, professors or doctors.

Obituary

I wrote an article today about how to write an obituary. It wasn't what I would call an uplifting experience but hey most of us will have to write one at some point in our lives.

For people who think turning 30 is the end of their youth or the end of childhood I suggest you write an obituary. Start at the beginning, for example

Colette was born May 16th and her childhood died on her 30th birthday.

Consider all your accomplishments and all the things you are leaving behind.

She excelled at pursuing fun and will leave behind her favorite bottle of Jack Daniels...

I remember writing my class obituary when I graduated from high school and this is the same thing. Get some perspective on turning 30 and write an obituary for your childhood. You may find your worry was unfounded. Maybe you aren't leaving anything behind - except the fear of getting older.

iPod

I am not a fan of technology and I basically hate computers. Nothing makes me feel old like a new technology my 11 year old nephew talks about that I have never heard of. Turning 30 can set you a step apart from the newest thing if you want it to BUT there are just as many gadgets out there that we now have use for that we didn't in our 20s.

You might be asking - Who has a blog and hates computers right? I do. I accepted a long time ago that computers and technology are here to stay so I might as well use them. Still acceptance is a long way from embrace. I do not have a myspace page and I can't imagine wanting to "social network" which involves a great deal of telling lies to people you don't care about (from my distant view at least). I do not upgrade my computer until the previous one has died. Same goes with tv and stereo components - usually.

I am addicted to my iPod.

Having an iPod puts my favorite music at my fingertips and allows what feels like a youthful indulgence - the urge to sing and dance while walking down the street. Music is often what motivates me - for my morning workout, the drudgery of grocery shopping or even working through writers block.

My iPod addiction is serious. I often travel without my laptop computer so that I can get a break from work. I carry a portable charger for my iPod and on a recent trip the charger disappeared from my bag (during one of my many search experiences with TSA). So for three days I rationed my iPod usage so that I would have enough battery life left for the return home.

When I returned home from my weekend trip to Orlando, I was not so lucky. You see the day before I came home, my iPod died. When I say died I mean it quit in the middle of a song then started flashing a white light. The guy at the Apple store looked at my iPod then leered at me when he asked "What were you doing when this happened?" I had the distinct impression he was implying something dirty but maybe I'm too old to fathom what pervy thing I could have done that would cause my iPod to go into shock then catatonia.

After his interrogation about my iPod usage habits the genius determined the unit was dead and there was no hope but to bury the thing and replace it (with an upgrade of course). I didn't consider not forking out hundreds of dollars for the replacement - I had to have it.

Still with new & improved iPod in hand I faced a conundrum at the airport the following day. You see, an iPod is worthless with no music or video and while I could replace it, my music was more than 1000 miles away from where I was planning to board a plane.

To make matters worse I was boarding this plane in Orlando on a Sunday. I do not say this to criticize my hometown in any way. But if you have ever tried to fly out of Orlando on a Sunday you know that the plane will be full of tourists returning home, often from a week of Disney. Children normally make noise but after a week of heat, sunshine and over-stimulation they tend to be cranky if not downright obnoxious. Boarding a plane with dozens of tots from infant to teens is not my idea of a relaxing way to end any weekend. Without my iPod to drown them out, the experience was excruciating.

I should tell you that children aren't the only annoyance on a packed flight from Orlando. The parents get pretty crabby too - wouldn't you after the sugar, caffeine and faux happiness showered on Orlando visitors for hours on end?!

Needless to say I realized 2 things on my flight
1. I am happy being addicted to my iPod
2. Being 30 doesn't make me old but it does make me glad I'm no longer an annoying teenager